Pride

Things have been great but I feel like I'm a fraud for not indulging a part of my life that is in disarray. About three weeks ago my sister and I got into an argument that changed the dynamic of our relationship. I'm not going into all the details but we both walked away kind of washing our hands of one another. This is nothing new because we have these kinds of falling outs all the time but after three days or so we iron it out and go back to our business. She wants me to heed her opinion more and I want her to understand though I respect her opinions I have the right to not follow them. She doesn't want to feel like a "yes man" and I don't want to feel like her flunkey. We hit an impass and have not spoken in 11 days, which is a long time for us. But this week I have found myself missing my sister to the point of tears. I was in Old Navy tonight buying my very first pair of compression tights for running and I fought back tears. I was in the same Old Navy we went to on Black Friday and upon entering hot tears began to roll down my face. I was searching for the best kind of coompression tights and I was so confused. The way this should have went was her on the other end of the phone telling me what to look for and hounding about the importance of good running shoes. I should have said "eff it" and picked up the phone and called her but "mean Victoria" was in my ear saying "Eff her.....don't be the one falling on your sword this time. Make her apologize to YOU!" But "nice Victoria" kept saying "This is stupid. You are in the most happy place in your life and you are going to let a petty argument stand in the way of your sisterhood?" My pride kept me from picking up my phone and I tearfully purchased my pants and got the hell out of there. On my ride home I began to think about my kids and how I would be crushed if they stopped speaking. I always preach to them about not letting anything separate them. I feel like a hypocrite because I am letting my pride separate us. I don't know what to do but a change has got to come. My son is som much like my sister it is killing me not calling her at night to tell her is new favorite phrase is "help me" which was also hers when sne was his age. Hopefully prayer will give me some direction.

Today was so quiet at work and I got a wonderful surprise of my mom taking my kids for the evening. I was gonna go see "RedTails" but I will catch it tomorrow. Tonight is about wine and cracking open m books so I can study for my ccna....good night and god bless