Re-Match

I am tired so I am going to make this kind of short.

In my quest to be a "good girl", I started taking my celexa again and while I felt it "kick in" this week, the last few weeks I have had a side effect that has been a gift and a curse. Loss of appetite. I probably eat a half of a meal all day. It's not because I want to it's just don't have the desire. J and I went out to eat and I believe I ate one whole bite of my chicken sandwich. I am losing weight, I'm 147, but this wasn't the way I wanted to do it. So hopefully this is just a passing side effect.

A few days ago, me, J, and his brother went running and after running a mile, J challenged me to a race for approximately 100 yards. I immediately KNEW I had it in the bag. I would have betted my kids I was gonna win, that's how confident I was. Well.....I was in the lead for about 5 seconds, and then.....I was looking at the back of J's head. Whomp whomp whomp. I got dusted off by my man, who does not run--at all. It's ok though because a rematch is in the works! We are both competitive, so this should be interesting.

Well, it's time to burn the midnight oil studying and then off to bed!

Back in the Trap.....

The educational trap that is. I'm going to confess, I have slacked waaaaay off in my CCNA studies. So tonight, after I put the boy to bed, I'm getting back on the grind. I have to remember getting up here was only one part of the bigger plan to have an IT career. I haven't forgot about that!

My hair is FINALLY long enough for two strand twist. It takes me awhile but my 'fro is so pretty afterwards.

I never got the Botox. I'm still cute and my 150 was spent in a better way. Plus I think what I really need is a few months of facials and I'll be good to go!

Next week I am going to start a detox to help rid my body of impurities and maybe this will help my skin and improve my eczema flare up I am having. Speaking of feeling good, in the world of running, I went on a run on Monday morning and the hills up here are FOR REAL! Where I live there are no flat places, just inclines and declines. I will say this, I will be a BEAST on flat ground and my legs are gonna be the business.

Well, off to study, study, study.....

Things Fall Apart/The Hangover

Last night was......heh. The pictures in my iPod told the tale and it's not safe for LIFE lol and we'll leave it at that!

I didn't mention yesterday that J and I got to FINALLY hang out and it felt good. We talked and basically he's in a really busy place and he's trying his best to work me in. I took time to think about what he said while I was running this morning. What kept running through my head is that I am in a new place and I am trying to keep my life on track and the last thing I need to be doing is wall sliding and ugly crying all over the place. I still care for J and like him a lot but I am gonna have to take some of that energy and place it elsewhere because I know how much energy it takes to nurse a broken heart to health and I just don't have it in me at this time.

Though I am not on the dating scene lets talk about the men in DC. It's unicorns EVERYWHERE y'all! Talk about ambitious? The men here are that. The only caveat is this area does have a notoriously high HIV rate so.....yeah Trojans for everyone!

Today is looking like a trip to the Merry Lands.....everyone enjoy your day!

All of the Lights.....

*Going out tonight, rooftop party, tiny dress, high heels,fun!

*I hate being lied to by omission

*I think I have heard and used the phrase "At the same damn time" enough in the last hour to last me for a lifetime

*I'm treating tonight like a race....I am going to pace myself

*I recognize who cares about me in my life and I them all for that

Well it's the magic hour and I'm off to have a little fun in the city! Farewell my loves.....

Summertime

Today it was.....HOT! As I have stated before, I am sticking to sundresses and sandals this summer. I hate being hot, lol.

I went to Hazels potluck and had a blast! I got a chance to meet some new people and try some really good vegetarian dishes.

Despite being in close proximity where it is gonna go down this weekend, I'm gonna chill tonight.

I haven't updated much on my weight loss but I will say this, I wore shorts for the first time since I had Miss Beasley. I am incredibly proud....now the goal is to keep it off!

Keeps Getting Better....

<p>First, I want to welcome a new reader to my blog.....Heeeeeyyyyy Mama Page!!!! Yes, my mom called me to tell me she reads my blog. Nothing will change, it's still uncensored....because I'm 31, lol.

Right at this moment, being a mother to a two year old is trying my patience. I feel like I'm Celie and he's Mister. Do you know he waits outside the bathroom door for me while I shower? If it's been to long he starts yelling, "You done Mama?" The public meltdowns are the worse though. It feels as if everyone is staring at you. I think this is karma for the days when I was the mother to an exceptionally well behaved two year old (Miss Beasley) and I would look at the mother who's toddler was having a tantrum and think, "How dreadful." Judge, lest you be judged.

I'm looking forward to today. I'm hanging out with Hazel and hopefully J and I can catch up with each other tonight.

Have a safe weekend everyone!

Exploration

Today I had some free time so I decided to head to the Smithsonian to see the new exhibits at the American History museum. I did not feel like battling traffic and parking so I took the Metro. These are some of the things I learned today.

* Ask for help if you don't know what train to get on lest you end up lost in the station with a confused look on your face

* Me + Skinny jeans + Chinatown= reckless eyeballing and cat calls

*It gets HOT on the National Mall

*Friday is field trip day at the Smithsonian

I enjoyed my little excursion today and I didn't have to take an ativan or sit in traffic, lol.

I first want to thank everyone for their concern. Moving to a new place was a lot more emotionally difficult than usual. But last night I cried my last tear about that. I'm here, this is what I wanted and prayed for and I am going to enjoy it! This morning I got up and ran for the first time in 20 days and felt AMAZING! My mission this weekend is to find a trail close to home so I can run after work (no YMCA in my area). To keep myself busy I have signed up to volunteer at some kind of race almost every weekend. Some other news I forgot to share is I signed up to start classes this summer so I can get a degree in contract management and procurement. I just need to stay busy...

Chunky LOVES his new daycare! He comes home everyday with a new song or word that he has learned. He's also on his way to being potty trained!

I talked to Miss Beasley last night and that is what started the flowing of emotions. I miss her so much....I can't wait until school is out so she can come up. It doesn't feel right unless BOTH of my babies are with me.

Well today is certainly shaping up to be a better day....and I am so grateful!

Depression

Me no likey. I was all hyped up to move up here and I'm just not feeling it. My mom called today and said she could hear it in my voice. I just feel real alone. I know this is going to pass but it is messing with my mood something serious......I thank God for my son being around because he's the only thing keeping me together right now. I swear I just want my heart to stop hurting. I just wanna find some peace somewhere.....

Truth Is......

I'm doing better this time around. I have shaken off a little bit of my homesickness and starting to feel more at ease.

J and I have a fairly new relationship and I'm beginning to wonder if this move has put too much pressure on something do new. I guess I thought when I got here it would be one big weekend....we would eat dinner together, exercise together, etc. We have done those things but in mass quantities and today when I asked if I was crowding him he stated emphatically, "Yes." Though it stung a little it was the truth. So I am looking forward to running with BGR tonight and even more so excited about the new classes I am enrolled in (yay!) so I think I'll have plenty of business and J can have his space. Balance is key.

Till next time.....xoxoxo

Where Were You When I Needed You?

Laaaaaaawwwwwdddd.........y'all know my troubled dating history. It seems my departure has evoked some raw emotions in some of my exes. I have had two angry FB inboxes in the last 24 hours talking about "I act like I don't care." Get that shit all the fuck the way out of here. They were both right. I don't care. With both of these gentlemen I gave my all....only to have it pushed back in my face. But they got wind I was in a relationship and NOW they can find the time to talk. I'm just too through.

Now on to the "t". I am loving NOVA!!! I spent most of the day getting acquainted with my surroundings and getting a haircut for Chunky. I think we are going to just fine up here.

Tomorrow I may get up early go to church and take Chunk to the National zoo or aquarium. I have been feeling a little homesick but J has been helping with that. Speaking of J my feelings for him are going to another place. I don't know if it's love because I have confused really liking someone for love and it was disastrous. Whatever it is I'm enjoying it.....

Training Day

Well, my packing is as finished as it's ever going to be. I am EXHAUSTED!

Today I decided to try something different when I get to NOVA. This year,  I started noticing little lines in my forehead. I am a constant brow furrower so I had a feeling this was coming. I have been researching botox for the last year, but I never got up the nerve until now. Living Social had a deal today for 50% off botox at a dermatologist in Alexandria. After I did my research, I made my appointment for Saturday. I'm nervous but I'm excited. I'll let you know how it goes.

As far as the PMS goes my research has lead me to believe that running and celexa two weeks before my cycle starts are going to be the move. Again, I'll let you know how that goes.
Speaking of running, I have not ran in two weeks! Yikes! When I touch down a run is in order. Plus I'm running another 5k and I need to train to beat my PR.

Some homesickness is starting to set in and I am trying to stay busy once I get there. I signed up for school for the fall semester for prep to take my CCNA exam ( I haven't forgotten, I not that dickmatized lol). So as long as I stay busy I should be fine.

I have been wondering what is going to happen with me and J being in close proximity. I have already heard all the bad "what ifs" and to that I say, "I'm bulletproof." I have survived some tough things in my 31 years so I'm not worried.

Well here's to new adventures, new memories, and happiness!

PMS: A Day in the Life

Y'all this ish is real.....let's review:

6AM: Wake up and look at phone. J NEVER RESPONDED TO MY TEXT FROM LAST NIGHT!!!! THE WORLD IS GONNA END! HORROR!

6:15 Get out of bed and turn on "Man on the Moon"

6:20 Cry hysterically while listening to "Soundtrack to my Life"

6:25 Get my kids ready. Hug my daughter while crying some more.

7:45 Drive to work amped listening to "Mercy". Look at me y'all I'm training on a private jet!

8:00 Call J. No answer. Amy Winehouse. Love is a Losing Game.

8:30 Get to work. It's raining. I'm late. My socks are wet. Tears. Thank God it's raining.

9:20 I decide to eat my feelings. Cafeteria. Egg, Cheese, and sausage sandwich. I tear up a little. Sip my half and half. The whole meal feels like a hug.

9:45 I go back to my office. Hate PMS. Hate the sad, weeping, angry person I become. I have a plan. Google "hysterectomy." No plumbing, no problem. Too extreme. Call GYN. No appointment until the 22nd. Shit. I'm moving. Hang up.

This morning has been.....a mess. Once I get settled in NOVA I am going to find a GYN who specializes in PMDD. I do not have time for raw emotions for a week out of the month. I know I'm not the only one so I'm gonna take y'all on my quest to tame my PMS, if I can just help one person....*tears up...just playing*....stay tuned!

An Open Letter to My Mama

Dear Mama,

I enjoyed spending Mothers day with you. I wouldn't have had it any other way. We watched Unsung, laughed, took a nap, and laughed some more. Before we said our good byes it hit me that after Friday, you will no longer be a 30 minute drive away. I will miss being able to crawl in your bed when I am worn out from the troubles of the world. I will miss our midweek dinners and our little shopping trips. The biggest regret I feel is putting other people before you and not visiting more when I had the chance.

I hope you will understand that this move is ONLY about making a better for my kids. You gave me my roots and today you gave me my wings. I will take with me all you have taught me, and I'm going to make you proud. I love you and I promise to visit as often as I can. Now promise me you'll learn how to work Skype so we can see each other everyday lol.

Love always,

Your Big Baby :)

PMS: Use Responsibly

It has been a great Mother's Day, I won't lie, I have been in my feelings. I peeked at my cycle app and got my reason why. With that being said, I am going to refrain from social media and blogging (y'all don't wanna read a lot of raw emotions everyday, lol) until its over.....now if you excuse me, I need to get my Hello Kitty boom box, hot pants, and directions to TRL! *kisses*

Things I Learned Today

* During a watergun fight, no matter how intoxicated you are, don't try to do a tuck and roll move in the grass...you will end up itching

*Wale is my new boyfriend in my head lol

*I can heat up a grill much faster than last year

* I cannot drink like I used to

* My kids are dope

* Kanye West's "Mercy" is everything!

I had a wonderful day today. The past couple days I have had a TON of things on my mind and this weekend helped take my mind off of of it. Tomorrow me and the Boy are gonna hit up church one last time out here. I will miss my church but thank God they Stream the service every Sunday so I can still catch it. Good night all!

Million Dollar Bill

Today has been a long stressful day, but I don't want to talk about that. This part is for grown folks.....so if you get offended easily, click that "x" at the top!

Y'all...today something happened that has only happened about two other times in my life. I had a real orgasm. It felt like.......I was floating.....it was everything. Now that I've provided you with your daily TMI let's move on.

I'm celebrating my eighth mother's day this Sunday. I never knew how much I could love until I became a mother. My goonies keep me going when I want to quit.

Well back to more packing and stuff.....

YOLO!!!!!

*disclaimer: I just used that as title just because....*

I have made a little headway in Packing Struggle: 2012 Edition, lol. The worst part of moving is the packing process. If had wand I would wave it and let the chips fall where they may.

J and I had a really interesting conversation this evening. I opened up a little more to him because I am tired of all the effort I put into pretending like I don't draw his name on my notebook (just playing!) , but you get my drift. I can't predict the future, but what I can do is enjoy this moment that we are in.

My sister is home! It suuuuuucks that I didn't get to spend her first day home with her, but we have a long weekend.

I finally found a product for my moisture loving hair! S/N: This my second time with natural hair and the first time around I was a product junkie. You name it I bought it. This time I am keeping these simple. Shea Organics Curl Soufflé has really rehydrated my hair. My next project is a leave in.....I'm just looking for the right combination of products that will work for my hair.

Time to turn in. I have some running around to do in the morning the back home to pack......

Crunch Time

Well, it looks like I have one week to move versus the two I thought I had. It's all good it just means I am going to have to prioritize.

J and I reached a growing point in our relationship. I'm not gonna get into all the details, but I am glad he and I are able to communicate like adults, it's refreshing. The more I learn about him the more I like.

I have my next 5k on the books!!! The best part about being in Northern VA is all of the races!!!!! I am going to have to get a race budget together. My next race is the Race For the Cure on the National Mall. It's going to be dope.

So I did something Saturday that I never thought I'd do.....I bought a bathing suit. It's a monokini and I look pretty dope in it......

I may be a little short on blogging in the next couple of weeks because the moving struggle is real, but I guarantee to have a story to tell!

Favor!!!!

The more I go along on my relocation I am seeing that this was meant to be. My biggest issue was going to be housing because of the short notice. I found a condo on Craigslist that looked nice and the best part is it includes ALL UTILITIES! I met with the owner today and we just clicked. I signed my lease, gave my deposit and wah laaaa....a place to live. All glory goes to God. As I rode back, I thought about my life at this point last year. I was working a temp job, donating my plasma to stay afloat, and was filled with so much anxiety I could barely sleep. So to anyone in a low place, hang on and keep praying. It will get better!

My dad and I are going to run a 5k together and I am HYPED! It will be the first thing we have done together since Homerama in 1992.....so say I am excited is an understatement.

I have a lot ahead of me and I'm looking forward to a very productive few weeks!

Good Times

The Very Smart Brothas party was doooooope! I am happy I am moving up here because they throw these every so often. I was happy to reconnect with an old friend from high school, who put me up on game. As long as I stay focused, keep my eyes on the prize, and keep having some business everything will be dope.

Today I am going to take a look at a condo, and then after that I think I may do a little shopping and clear my head of some of the clutter......

Getting Out There

It is no secret I am shy, or rather socially awkward. Red Velvet is the only friend I have that I did not meet through someone else. I have always envied people who could just go out and meet new people like it was nothing. When I was growing up I never really had to worry too much about social situations because my sister and I were so close in age. Nine times out of ten, if we went somewhere it was together so I didn't need to know anyone else. In high school I had Red Velvet. Since I am moving to a place where networking is huge, Miss Page is going to have to shake the "shy sister" stuff and learn to be outgoing. My first attempt at this will be tonight at a party hosted by the authors of one my favorite blogs. It sounds like its going to be a good time. Open bar for an hour and my favorite music. Good times. I'll let y'all know what happens. Either it will be a ball or I will end up glued to a table staring at my phone to avoid making conversation, lol.

I got to see the Bob Marley movie. I must admit, I didn't know much about Bob Marley before seeing the movie, but it was very informative and well put together. I love a good documentary and it didn't hurt that the theater was dope too.

Remind me that eating dinner is important. Last night since I was sans les enfants , I decided I would just have gummi bears for dinner. Big mistake. Around two in the morning I woke up with the hunger headache from hell. I am not a fan of fioricet's side effects, so I rubbed a little lavender on my temples and went back to sleep. I did not get back up until 9.....and I still had a headache and I had the shakes. Thank God for orange juice, because I was having a Steel Magnolias moment.

Time to catch a little power nap before it goes down! Peace.....

Countdown

Well the week day is wrapping up, so I here are some random thoughts

1. God is amazing! My life is a testimony that things DO change!
2. Idris Elba on Instagram is everything.....not enough chest nekkid pictures, but I still like it lol
3. I have really amazing friends. They cheered for me even when I was getting boo'd in the stands.
4. Lavender really does work for tension headaches.....I knew I loved lavender for a reason
5. My gym time is precious to me. I really need to figure out how I am going to stay on my routine when I move.
6. Seche Vite is the best thing since sliced bread.
7. I hate the idea of packing. Let the de-cluttering begin!
8. I love glitter (duh) it makes everything better
9. J is dope.
10. Fresh paint on my toes is the best feeling......

It Was All a Dream....

It's amazing how a simple idea can turn into a reality in a month. I got the job and now the hardvwork begins. I have a great deal of things to do and not a lot of time to do it in. I found a beautiful condo in Lake Ridge that I am going to see next week. I hope it goes well because housing is a very big part of this move. I also need to find a pediatrician, pediatric dentist and orthodontist. It's all good though, if this is a part of advancing my career I am all for it. I can't take credit for any of this because everything from my resume getting picked, to finding the condo, is the work of God. He is moving me to a place I never would have thought I could get.

I found myself today sans business, and I for whatever reason started wondering why there had been a small drop off in communication with J. Nothing major, I just noticed we don't talk as much during the day like we used to. Then I took a moment, cleared my mind and realized that J has business and he can't text me all day and whatnot. Besides, I have all this other stuff to do and I need to be focused on that instead of acting like a love struck teenager.

Chunky must read this blog. After my tirade about him not using the potty my boy has been using it faithfully the last two nights and mornings. I really don't want to buy anymore pull ups. I want that 40 dollars back in my bank account!

After a hiatus from the gym, I am going back tonight and I am hyped. I do some of my best brainstorming when I am working out.

Well here is to the upcoming weekend, I am looking forward to doing a little celebrating :)

More of the Same

*drags self on to blog* Hey y'all. Miss Page is just....caught up right now. Raising a toddler is not for the faint at heart. I am now in the process of potty training Chunky and I am tempted to just say "Eff it....just let him wear pull ups for all of eternity." But I can't do that so I have stepped up my efforts to get him potty trained. My experience last night sounded like my dating life: begging, shouting, crying, giggles, and finally defiance ( he hopped of the potty and ran away laughing). I'll try it again tonight, but I'll be honest, Chunky is winning lol. Miss Beasley was potty trained in two weeks. That experience was eeeeeaaassssy! I gave her some M&M's and that was that.

I would appreciate if my hair would hurry up and grow. I finally have a junior puff after two months but I want my 'fro back!!!! I want to do a braid out, I want to experiment with flexi rods!!! My TWA will not let me be great!

I need to find some business. Well I have some I have just not been minding it. So the name of the game is to stay focused. I have a lot to do and it must all be executed according to plan, meaning I can't eff around...because I know me....I sometimes will....eff around. Here's to getting things done and learning patience!