Venting Session

1. There are always those in life that get their validation from making others feel beneath them. To those people, I would like to say, have a seat. We see you, we hear you, and just because we don't agree with you doesn't mean we are all idiots.

2. When and where I choose to check my iPod, phone, or anything else is my business. I don't know if all of the population is aware but phones and other devices of that ilk can be used of MILLION other things. Most of the times I am blogging, writing notes, pinning or whatever. Most of the time I am doing it because I am either bored or....it doesn't matter because I am a grown up.

3. All of my friends have quirks that I have just learned are a part of who they are. We are all a little older and have lived life so I know when a behavior of one of my friends displays might just generally be the way that they are. I am not on a crusade to change my friends into Victoria Clones, I want them to be themselves. Variety is what makes life interesting.

4. I backslid into apologizing for my feelings. Nope, not going back down that road. Do I need to think before I speak? Absolutely. But I am not going back to censoring every little thing I say. If you back to the beginning of this blog, that was the reason why I started this. Every aspect of my life was censored and I was trapped in a jail where the backlash from self-expression was tremendous. I understand time and place, but I won't be a doormat either.

Thanks for listening!

Happy Holidays!

Christmas is days away and I am excited!  As the year draws to a close, I have had a chance to reflect on the events of 2012, and I must say that this has been a great year.  I won't lie, there have been major bumps in the road, but for the most part I have been blessed.  God granted me a chance to see my dreams realized and I am so happy I put my faith in Him and no one else.  What I am grateful for above all else is the chance to rebuild my relationship with Miss Beasley.  It has been a long two years to repair our relationship, but everyday I get a chance to show her that I won't repeat the mistakes of the past.  Miss Page has learned the hard way that my choices effect my children and it's just that simple.  This year also marked the first time in twelve years that I did not live 30 minutes from my mama.  She has always been my support system and I really missed going to dinner with her after work and driving out to her house on the weekends.  She was not a fan of my relocation at first, but she has come around.

Career wise, all I can say is FAVOR!!!!!  I never would have thought that in a million years that a meeting at a story telling contest would lead me to the world of freelancing.  I have always been squemish about calling myself a writer, because I just didn't think I was good at it "for real for real." But thanks to a lot of you who read and message me, I have been encouraged and I proudly say today, I am a freelance writer.  In the upcoming year, I will be showcasing some of my work here and on my other blog,"Soundtrack to My Life."  I thank you all for all of your support and kind words!

J and I have made it to a year!  What a year it has been!!!!  There has been a lot of raw emotions, laughs, good times, bad times, and REALLY bad times, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  This relationship has certainly made me look inward and I have learned that I can't place the blame on all my behaviors on another party.  Everything can't be everyone elses fault.   Growth y'all....it feels good.  Let's see what happens in 2013.

Have a wonderful and safe Christmas and New Year everyone! (still working on those conclusions....lol)

Venting Session: Volume 1 Chapter 1

I need to vent, so here goes:

I am frustrated AS HELL with J right now. I have no idea what has happened to my relationship, but somehow, we have regressed into "something" where we only see each other at night and if he wants to see me. Of course, I want to see my boyfriend so I am picking times that are just not acceptable. But it's either that or I won't see him at all. The whole thing is starting to feel one sided. If I try to make plans I get a maybe or cancelled on. I am particularly sensitive about this because J was talking to me a few weeks back and he mentioned how one of the females he hangs with is funny about picking up the check when they go out to eat. Pause. Let that marinate in your spirit. I am over here taking what little time I can get, but can go to brunch with her? FOH! J stated today that he didn't feel I was happy and he may be right, or this may be another "I'm fixing to dump you, and this is my way to make it about you." Oh I have had that game ran on me before, so I know what it looks like. Reciprocity has turned into a tug of war.....

Birds of Paradise

Today, I was off for half of the day and decided to museum hop with a friend who came to the DMV for business. The first stop was the National Geographic Museum, which I never knew existed until I heard about the Birds of Paradise exhibit. Fun fact: I love Birds of Paradise,the bird and the flower. If I ever decide to get married again, I want those flowers in my wedding. I was fascinated for weeks in cosmetology school looking at a color placement that would make the hair look like the Birds of Paradise. Next favorite flower next to orchids. Long story short, I was going to learn and get my life. This was an aviary exhibit and I must say the birds were beautiful. I would love to see them in their natural habitat one day. I learned that the male birds have all these cool little dances and things they do for mating season and they are even shapeshifters. The next stop was to a sushi bar owned by The Donovan House(who I heard in the summer, has a really nice rooftop bar), called Zentan. The food was AMAZING! It's a sushi restuarant with a very warm but contemporary decor. My friend ordered the oysters with some kind of caviar relish I went with the spicy scallop roll. The food was really fresh and the cocktails were delicious. I had a really great day today. I need the broadening of my horizons and good conversation.

I was in "writers mode" and took some notes for some freelance work. I am checking a few calendars at some nature publications and I will sumbit them on spec. See, you can work and have fun too.

Well after all the walking and the like, I am going to crawl into this warm bed and pinch myself.....xoxo!

Reasons

I have complained A LOT today, so to shake off some of the negativity, I am going to post the things that ARE going right.

1) I have roof over my head, food in my fridge, a car to drive, clothes to wear and a job to go to every morning.

2) My children are healthy and happy and we are together

3) My unexpected entry into freelancing

4) I have disposable income for the first time in 8 years

5) My sprained ankle, that I thought would hinder my workouts, is healed and I am back to running

6) I have amazing friends and family

7) God loves me

8) I am a NON SMOKER!! (More on that later)

There you have it! So today, perhaps was not such a bad day at all, in the grand scheme of things. In life, there will be high points and low points and I am going to put focus on the positive things while working through the hard stuff.

The Art of Communication

* I had a kick ass post composed, and then I DELETED IT!!!!!!!! This is the short version*

J came over, we laughed and talked. I discovered that I don't know how to be in a drama free relationship. I am going to work on this because I want to learn how to be in a relationship where you just talk and disagree. No name calling and yelling, just discussion. Long story short, when we said our good nights, there was a mutual understanding that we knew where the other one stood. Sometimes the best conversations are the ones without words. Good night!!!!

Update!

Greetings everyone!!!!  As you may have noticed, blogging is at an all time low around here, as I have gotten super busy in different aspects of my life.  The biggest and best news that I have is that I have some freelance assignments lined up for the newspaper in my area.  Most of the assigments will be entertainment and nightlife based, so it won't be anything too intense.  This means I need to do some intense work on my writing skills, especially bringing my articles to a conclusion (a very weak point for me).  I found some workshops in the area that I plan to attend.  The suggestion was also made that I look into picking up technical writing freelance work as well.  Technical writing pays well, but it is a creative drain. I am just grateful for progress and options right now.

Motherhood these days is proving to be very interesting as my children are changing and growing.  Miss Beasley is turning into a pre-teen before my very eyes and I AM NOT READY Y'ALL!!!!  Saturday morning I detected some moodiness and I asked her what was wrong.  Her reply? "I am annoyed." Annoyed. Where is my happy, playful 2 year old????  Who is this "annoyed" child in my house??? I need answers.  On the other hand my son is finally potty trained (day and night trained) and he has turned into a little chatterbox.  I remember when he was two, I was concerned because he was not saying the amount of words recommened by the pediatrician.  I worried my mama to death about his speech, or lack thereof.  I am proud to say that Chunky talks from sun up to sun down, much to my chagrin. 

I wish I had time to write more, but this stack of work on my desk is calling me......xoxo!