Disappointed....

I am gonna keep this short, but I need to get this off my chest. My sister and I are super close....the last time she was here, we talked about The Friend, and how I was too good to have him in my life etc. Then we talk on the phone this weekend and she laughs and co-signs with me about him. She claimed she deleted him from her Facebook. Well, today I go to his page, look to the right and who do I see under mutual friends? Her. It's just facebook, but I am more upset because that right there is not a sign of solidarity. Do you know how many of her ex's (the ones who did eff up stuff) have tried to "friend" me, and I won't? Why? Because that is my sister...I can never be friends with someone who would mistreat her. They can stay friends on Facebook forever for all I care, I can't say I am mad, just disappointed. Rant over.

Open Letter

Dear Mama,

I just wanted to say that I am sorry for my behavior the last four months. I met this guy....and I thought he was like the second coming, but you knew better. You saw right through him and saw exactly what was going to happen. You weren't sleeping with him so you didn't wear the same rose colored glasses I had on. You called it. He's gonna stay here, run up your light bill and move on. Exactly what happened. I would never admit it, but you were right. There has not been a night yet that I haven't laid in my bed and thought, "My mama was right.". But again, since I didn't listen, I am facing some really tough decisions now, and as you would say, "Serves your ass right" lol. I am sorry I called you a "hater" (really? I turned into a 15 year old at that exact moment). You weren't hating. You saw your child headed for danger and you tried to keep her away from it. But instead I ran towards it. I am sorry for not coming to see you and making excuses because I wanted to be around "him" all day. That was a sucker move. But you know what Mama? I have learned this: You are my best friend (sorry Red Velvet and Hollywood...y'all are too but you get what I mean). For every time I am stumbled, you were right there yelling for me to get up. Anytime I wanted to do anything half-assed, it was you pushing me to do it over. You will never know what it meant today when you critiqued my first ever appeal letter and you said it was flawless. Even when I treat you not so nice, you are still there to cheer me on. I just want to say I love you and I promise to start treating you as good as you are to me.

Love,

Victoria ;)

You Better Learn It.....

Le Sigh.....so much this weekend, oh so much.

• Mike Epps was wack. Now run and tell that...lol. He just wasn't doing it for me, but Cheryl Underwood did. I was surprised because I usually can't deal with her on Steve Harvey, but I got some good advice from her that night: STOP FUCKING THESE MEN IN YOUR HOUSE!!! They will either never leave (giggles) or they will always be showing up. So with that, there will be no more visitors to the legion of doom
• I got CHOCOLATE WASTED at that show....me plus a private bar? No bueno. I believe my night was sponsored by Patron and Heineken.
• I met the kind of guy my sister was talking about. Financial Manager. Graduated from VCU. Kappa. Job? Check. Car? Check. College Degree? Yes times two (Undergrad and Masters). House? Check. Of course I am going to have to investigate the status of all these things (is the house in foreclosure or in his Mama's name, is the car really his, and I'm gonna need to see those degrees with transcripts). My sister said the only negative in him is he is a Kappa. Supposedly they can make more than them canes twirl around and they will leave you doing the most epic wall slide of your life....I don't care....he's taking me on date on Friday (McCormick and Schmicks....hello!) and hopefully this goes nicely. I am looking forward to conversation that DOES NOT center around the following: Facebook, Gucci Mane, Jordans, and a plethora of other ignorant mess.
• Mad Men is this shit. No, really. I have already bought season two off Amazon and when I get paid I am buying season 3. When both of these arrive I will be holed up on my couch and not to be disturbed until I am finished watching. Whoever the writers are for that show, have gotten it right.....
• CIAA next weekend....still debating if I am going. I have my room booked so I have a place to stay if I decide to. TallDrinkofWater is going with me and he has all the hook up on the parties (I checked him out he's official...he's been to a number of parties around here that are invite only and I mean REALLY invite only). There are really too many to name, but he said that we are going to Pusha T's day party, and some other NFL day party. As far as night parties go, it's either the one that Drake or Amber Rose is hosting. You know which one I wanna go to. Amber Rose. When I give up on penwus....it shall be her that becomes my girlfriend....lol.

Well I have a ton of work to do and I wanted to let y'all know I'm alright. SN: If I ever went missing I know that Red Velvet and Hollywood would be the first people to call the police.....love them!

This What You Really Wanted, Huh???

Today was definitely a roller coaster. For starters, I worried all night long about the loss of my daycare assistance and it turned out I had nothing to worry about. I just have to go to a recertification appointment, fill out some paperwork and I am on my way. Prior to getting that little bit of info that I might have to pay full price for daycare (Chunk's is 221 a week Beasley's is 156....yeah a mortgage payment), I was all strung out over my breakup with The Friend ( who I received word via another female on FB that he is a chronic d-bag among the other things she told me...apparently he was living with her before he picked up in the same fashion and moved in with me)but let me tell you, when the daycare director handed me that letter The Friend was the last thing on my mind. So, today after that crisis was adverted, what do I turn my attentions to? My broken heart. Like a dumb ass, I text the friend some random thing and he got bent out of shape and texted back, and then I called him. This is where shit went left. To sum up the conversation he informed me he never wanted to talk to me again and he also let me know that he was never with me nor was he ever going to be with me. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I couldn't say anything. I was just left speechless. Then after the longest awkwardest pause in history he asked me if I was going to add him to my cell phone plan. Enter a very confused look here. But what is worst is I agreed because he told me I need to learn how to keep my word (a few months back I promised him I would get him a phone to replace the one I took back from him when we first met--long story). Jesus be some self esteem and a backbone. After I hung up with him, I began to think why do I do this to myself. I gotta accept personal responsibility for this one. People can only treat you how you let them treat you. This behavior is a horrible unhealthy pattern that I carry from relationship to relationship. For example, for my previous blog readers, I did this same thing with Ronnie Mexico. He would go on and on about why we couldn't "be together" and what did I do? Buy him stuff in hopes that he would see how much I cared. I did the same thing for the youngin that I was canoodling with this summer. You know what happened at the end of both of those fiascos? I realized that I could have given these men a million dollars and I still wouldn't have been good enough. I deserve better. I deserve someone who likes me and wants me without having to buy their acceptance and love. This isn't about keeping my word this is about trying to get The Friend to pick me, love me, but that is not going to happen. The sooner I realize that, the better I will be. This has been a learning experience and what I learned is to listen to my Mama (she called this happening months ago) and to know my worth. For years I have involved myself with these "men" and I did so not knowing my worth, so I let them tell me what it was. So, new point on the Pursuit of Happiness 2011, is to discover my worth and stand firm in my convictions. It may not be popular, and it may mean I will have a hard time dating, but at least when I do find someone (or he finds me) I will have the courage to say no when it is needed. The appeal of The Friend was he is popular and as a person who grew up extremely unpopular, being with him made me feel like I had finally made it to being one of the "cool kids". The problem with that is I am not in high school anymore and being one of the "cool kids" should be my last concern. Plus, we all know what happened to a majority of the "cool kids"....just browse your FB list and come back to that one. I don't know where to start, but I know that the change starts with me, and I need to close that chapter and move on. The hard part is just finding the strength to do so.

Are You There God? It's Me, Victoria.....

A few post back I told you all that I had a hard decision to make, and last night I came to my decision. I still am not posting all the details...but I am sure if you think really hard you can figure it out. Hint: October is going to be a busy month....

That's all I have for now, I am at work early because there is a ton of stuff for me to do and I am trying to leave early :) xoxoxoxo!

Happy Singles Awareness Day!!!

This is my first Valentine's Day that I have been single in years....in years. Instead of wallowing in my singleness, I am celebrating the fact that while I am alone, I am not lonely. I have to go to class tonight so there will be no V-Day partying for me. I am going to do a little something special for The Goons and call it a day. Since I have more work to do than a little bit, let me just drop the latest and the greatest:

• The Friend moved all his stuff out. I still don't know how to feel. But I can tell you this, I saw my electric bill from my last place and every time I feel sad that we are not co-habituating, I will look at that bill from Dominion
• I AM GOING TO SEE MIKE EPPS!!!! Best part: I sprung for VIP meet and greet. Best part II: I am going solo! If you know me, then you know why this is a good thing
• Short hair is the bomb! I will never have long hair again in my life. It took me a total of 5 minutes to do my hair this morning! This has left me more time to do my makeup every morning.
• I still don't know how to cook. Short Ribs FAIL last night....this time the seasoning was right on, but they were tougher than leather...
• I will have the innernets at my house FINALLY on Friday! I am tired of jumping on somebodies unsecured network
• Can I tell you how much I LOVE DVR???? I do not know how I lived without it in my life. I sprung for this since I will back at school until 930 at night and that is going to leave very little time for me to watch TV. My Saturdays will be spent laying on my couch watching every show I missed during the week
• The DVR is also going to allow me the opportunity to recap the shows that I love here :)
• Mad Men is AWESOME!!!!! I am totally addicted and I am making a trip to Movie Stop on payday to get season 2!

Well that's enough for now.....I gotta get back to work, lest somebody is left standing at the gate of the base cursing me out! xoxoxo

Song of The Day-Kid Cudi