Thankful

It's been a long time dear readers....so much has happened to me in the past months and I have so much to say, so make a pot of coffee and you a pack of Marlboro Menthol Special Blends and let me talk.

In the beginning of October I FINALLY got my child support lump sum payment (from my baby daddy, not my ex-husband). It was three times what I thought I was gonna get, and I was amped. As we all know, my last vehicle was reposessed last year, and I have been driving a series of hoopdies until I could afford a down payment on a new car. One day in October, I took the kids to Hall Honda, just to see what I would need to do in order to purchase a car. I didn't intend to buy a car that day at all. The salesman came out and I told him I had my eye on a 2009 Chevy Cobalt and a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe. Neither of these cars are what I really wanted but they were in my price range, so hey! He offered to show me one more car that he had in the back. At first I was internally rolling my eyes. I fell for the following trick when I bought my very first new car. I came in looking for a used car and then the salesman rolled out this brand new car and I was hooked. This time was different, he rolled out a cute little gray 2005 Honda Civic. Automatically I thought the car was going to be way out of my price range. Honda's hold their values well and I was too sure this car was going to be out of my range. I nearly hit the floor when I heard the salesman say it was only 10k. I jumped on the option to purchase. I was afraid my credit was too scarred to obtain financing, but it wasn't and after 4 hours of paperwork, I rode off with a new car. I cannot tell you all how good it feels to not have to drive around with a jug of antifreeze in my trunk or how awesome it is to drive to work without smelling the combination of gasoline and coolant. Most of all I am happy to have reliable transportation.

One of the reasons I was moved to find reliable transportation is because for the first time in 5 years I am going to a New Years Celebration with my sister. If we all can reflect on last year, I spent my NYE crying in my room because I had been rejected by "The Friend". This year I am looking forward to an awesome time with awesome people. I am going to Big Night DC at the Gaylord National Resort. I am currently on the hunt for a classy but chic NYE dress.

So I am sure you all are wondering what the deal is with my dating life. The true story is I am not dating a lot these days. I am refusing to settle for my usual, so that has slimmed down my prospects tremendously. That is ok, though. I have become more specific in my criteria in a mate. Job, own place to live, and vehicle is a must have. I am a single mother with two kids and if a single man without kids has not accomplished that then I can't hang.

Today is Thanksgiving and I am so thankful for my freedom and my family. This is my first holiday in three years where I am unattached. My previous holidays have been spent worrying about getting back home to someone who didn't care for me or placating a half a husband. This year, I have my own plans, to include on black Friday. I look at where my life has gone in a year. I remember last year I didn't even have enough money to pay my rent and this year I am shopping on Black Friday. Isn't God amazing?

It's time for me to return to the world of wine, cooking, telling old stories, and watching football. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

They Do Exist

Gentlemen, that is. Today before filling out paperwork for the new job (yay!), I decided to have lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I hadn't eaten there in a long time and it was nice to have a meal sans babies. I entered the restaurant, and seated myself where most party of ones seat themselves, the bar. It was mainly empty due to the time of day. After ordering my wings and iced tea, a man came in and seated himself to my left about three chairs away. I noticed him ordering a rum and coke with limes and a club sandwich. When my food arrived we exchanged light conversation about how good my food looked and we didn't say much else. After I finished eating, I asked for my check and the bartender brought it over. I got out my credit card, preparing to hand it to the bartender and I heard a voice say, "No, I've got it." It was the man that was on my right. I was floored. I smiled and asked him if he was sure and he said, "Absolutely." I handed him the check and he looked me in my eyes and said, "Now you can't say that there are no gentlemen left." I thanked him and introduced myself and he did the same and told me he hoped our paths would cross again. I exited the restaurant and damn near hit my dougie right in the parking lot. I wasn't excited because I scored a free meal, but I was happy that God showed me at that exact moment I did not have to settle for anything less than the best. I am worthy of a true to life date, and I need to hold out until I get what I want. I want to be pursued for the right reasons. That proved to me that men are still interested in knowing ME not my booty or my gentlemen greeter. That felt good!

On the side of all things being a mommy, my baby boy is on his way to being potty trained. Well not all the way, but he pooped in the potty Friday night! Ten minutes prior, he came to me holding his crotch (ew!) saying, "I go poop." I sniffed and I shrugged it off, he hadn't pooped. So a couple of seconds later he starts pulling down his pants. Miss Beasley yelled, "I think Chunky has to potty." Again, I didn't really pay any attention because when it comes to going to the potty he is the little boy who cried wolf. So for entertainment purposes, I put him on his tiny potty and a couple of seconds went by and I stood him up, while I was doing this my daughter screamed, "HE'S POOPING!" I quickly sat him back down and he began to make the "poop face." Me and Miss Beasley went nuts. We were hollering for him like he was going for the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. He looked proud and confused at the same time. When he was done, we looked in the potty and there is was, yellow-green poop that looked like soft serve ice cream. I was almost tempted to take a picture of it that is how proud I was. Upon further inspection I saw that he also peed. The crowd went wild. Grandmothers were called, Facebook statuses updated, Aunts were texted. It was wonderful, our little boy went on the potty! That day meant a lot to me. Why? That means I am one step closer to being liberated from diaper changing. I am one step closer to not having diapers in my budget. I was so excited I bought him a pair of boxers (no tightie whities for him...gotta let it breathe..lol). I know all of this is premature and it may have been a fluke, but a mom can dream right?

Mind of a Child

This morning I got hit in the head with a very interesting question from Miss Beasley. We were eating breakfast and out of the blue, she asked me, "Do you like daddy?" That was a really loaded question. Sure, the police don't have to be called every time we get together, but I think the word "like" is a stretch for him and I. Back in the day I used to luuuuurrrvve my daughters father. He was my sun, moon and stars. I had a huge crush on him all through high school and we started dating when I was 21 years old. One year later, I gave birth to Miss Beasley, and this is where shit went left. I took to being a mother like a fish to water, he on the other hand struggled in his new role as a father. I never doubted that he loved Miss Beasley, I think all the responsibility of being a father was a lot for him and he didn't know how to deal with it. Long story short, we grew to be different people. Our breakup wasn't too messy, but when it came to the issue of child support that is when it got ugly. He was angry I filed and he thought he was paying too much. This lead to him having to move back in with his parents and bad feelings were created all around. Which brings us to today. Miss Beasley's father and I don't speak at all, not so much as a hello. He comes in the morning to take Gabby to school he doesn't say a word and hell either do I. How did I answer Miss Beasley's question? I used gentle honesty. I told her me and her dad aren't BFF's, but we don't hate each other. That answer seemed to satisfy her, and on her way she went. It got me thinking about how far he and I have come in the last 10 years. He and I were a team, and we pushed each other to be the best that we could be. There are times while navigating the dating world, I miss the cohesiveness that me and her father used to share. That kind of quality in a relationship has been VERY hard for me to find. Am I posed to fall on my sword and go back to Miss Beasley's dad? No. We aren't even the same two people that fell in love that cool fall afternoon in 2001. It's just very surprising how far two people who were so close have drifted so far.

I got a new job ya'll!!!!! It's a lot more money and a lot more responisiblity. I am getting the opportunity to return to the healthcare field, and I'm loving it. You know what I am really excited about? Wearing scrubs again to work. It's like wearing pajamas to work everyday. I am going to buy some new ones since the ones I had previously do not fit since it's been 3 years and a one pregnancy ago.

Dating, dating, dating dating....ugh. I think I am going to take a break. I feel like I am at TJ Maxx looking through the racks and nothing looks appealing to me. It's break time. I have spent an inordinate amount of time looking for Mr. Right and I would like to tell him, he is gonna have to find me, lol. My divorce is 2 weeks from being final and I don't want to hop back in the same situation of getting into a relationship or married to someone who is not right for me. Being alone sucks sometimes, but being tied to the wrong person sucks even more.

Changes

Exceedingly and Abundantly
There is so much going on in my life right now I just don't know whether to laugh or cry. Last Friday, I was offered a position with a Naval Contractor, however, on Monday I received an e-mail from another Naval Contractor who works with one of the major shipyards on the Peninsula. You know, for all the time I spent looking in all the wrong places it is funny how God is bringing all the right places to me. Exceedingly and abundantly, indeed.

Here In My Dreams
Have you ever had a really graphic dream about someone you barely talk to? Well remember MiddleSchoolCrush? I dreamt about him last night. I am not going to get into a lot of details, but he was really good in bed*. See what happens when you don't have sexy time for a long time? You start thinking about peen you never even had. Now I have that weird feeling I get after a graphic dream, like I need to call him or message him on facebook just to see...I don't know if it was good to him too? LOL. I won't do that...but I will "like" one of his statuses in lieu of sending an awkward, "Hey" message.

School Days
Statistics is hard y'all. That is all I have to say about that. I should have given more thought to what I was going to take as my first class. If I make it out with a "C" I will be happy.
I don't know about anyone else, but I have been looking at Miss Beasley's syllabus (yes, second graders have syllabi) and they are learning some heavy duty stuff. I am happy I am back in school, now I can keep up. This month they are studying matter, learning how to write a fictional story and learning about the government. That sounds like my senior year in high school.

Chuuuuuuccccchhhh
I went to church on Sunday for the first time in a long time. The service held a little long, but the message was awesome. There was a certain point in the sermon where the Bishop posed the question, "Where were you with the anointing?" This was an excellent question. I sat in the pew and wondered where I had been with my anointing. It's been to the club, in a hotel room, enjoying herbal supplements, hugged up in a bed with a married man, passed out in the front of a Toyota Camry, it's been everywhere. That question was so powerful that I find before I agree to go somewhere or do something, that I hear that little voice asking, "Where are you taking your anointing?"

Randoms

With school for me and Miss Beasley starting back up, I have not had the time to blog. Can I also mention I really miss my laptop and I need to get off the dime and go get it fixed? Ok, so bringing you up to speed:


Opportunity Knocking

So we all know I am on the hunt for something bigger and better for my career, and there has been a straight up dry spell. Well, it appears it is over. I have gotten 4 different job offers at VERY good companies doing something that will grow my bank account. I feel like Lebron without that bad hairline. I don't know where I am taking my talents but wherever it is there has to be the potential for growth.

Dating...ugh

Messy. It is almost cuffing season and I am without an individual to cuff. I get a little pain in my heart (lol) when I think about it, but then I read the events of last year's cuffing season and my soul says, "no thank you." With that being said, I am less focused on being boo'd up this winter and more on my kids and this schoolwork.

School Days

I am back in school, earning that Enviromental Health degree. I was all gung-ho until I saw the plethora of science I am going to have to take. IT was much easier to manuver through. I like a challenge so this will be good for me.

Don't Leave While Your'e Hot

I don't think I ever blogged about him, but back after me and the Good Reverand Doctor split up I began seeing this man who we will call Nunyah. He is 50% of the reason the theme of 2008 was simply "2008 and Heartbreaks". Long story short, he was dating me, got married, was still pursuing me, and then finally he moved to a far off land for a short period of time. Through all this is ass is still contacting me. Of course he is singing the same old song "I shoulda married you...I hate this shit". Try it again queen.

New Obsession

I have never been one for DIY maniures. Lately I figured I should put that Paul Mitchell education to use and I have been doing my own manicures. Now that I know how to CORRECTLY polish my nails, I have been buying nail polish like a maniac. It is apart of the budget, that is how deep it goes. I like that I can change my nail polish to reflect my mood for the day or the evening.


Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

Back for the third time in three months. This time the defendant was El Douchebag. Guess what y'all? He didn't show up. When I FINALLY got a hold of him (by blocking my number on my house phone), he acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about, and I politely informed him he is now a fugitive of the law since they issued a warrant. He starts rambling about he got a job now and is going to be paying regularly, and I just replied, "Paying doesn't get rid of the warrant...you need to turn yourself in and then let the judge know your intentions." I bet my whole paycheck he won't do any of that. He is messy like that. But you know what y'all? In four weeks.....I'll be free, and that makes it all worthwhile!

Five Steps

I looked at my calender this evening and realized that I have a whopping five more weeks until I can file for divorce. I never thought this day would come. As "fun" as it was being married to El Douchebag, I have to say I am happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. Don't get me wrong we had some good times together and the best thing to come from our marriage was our son. The truth of the matter is E.D. ( I can't keep typing that) liked the idea of being married, but he didn't know what it took to be a husband. He hadn't mastered providing and protecting his family. If I had a dime for every time he left us flapping in the wind I would be a millionaire right now. I am not without fault, I should have known better. I married E.D. because I was feeling so much heartbreak from being jilted at the alter by The Good Reverend Doctor. I wish I knew then that my heart would heal and I would get past that. But I didn't. I settled for the first thing that winked at me because after suffering that type of public humiliation I wanted people to see that I was still worth marrying. Long story short, it blew up in my face.

What I am focused on now is rebuilding my life. The first step is learning how to date. I will admit I don't know how. I meet a man, like him, and start picturing forever. That is no way to live. That leads to settling. Does anyone have any advice? I am completely lost at that subject. The second step is getting to where I need to be in life. For the last 10 years I have had a bunch of dreams, but now it is time to turn these into goals. My first goal is to rid myself of any manner of public assistance I am on by the time I am 31 (November). I have already chunked the deuces to SNAP and I am kicking Child care assistance out the door too. I have been doing this for over a year and it is time I learned to stand on my own to. My fight is gone. There was a time when I would grind hard to get what I want but it seems like I have just laid down and took a break. Second order of business is to find a CAREER. I have had a string of jobs but I want a career. I am not getting any older and I don't want to be working while I am in my 70's because I never had a stable job that allowed me to save for retirement. I am just tired of the way that I am living and I left E.D. so I could pursue my life free of the drama that he brought and it's time for my pity party to cease and I need to get on with living my best life!

Good Night Irene

The title of this blog and the subject matter have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to say that lol.

Grow the Hell Up

I talked to my ex-husband today. We spoke on the matter of him not paying child support. I discovered two little nuggets of information. 1) He has been working all this time and STILL wasn't paying. Who does that? You know I was mad as hell 2) He got fired from that job for......fighting. Yes, you read that right. Fighting. What 40 year old man gets fired for fighting on the job? You know I am not necessarily in love with my job, but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I am not going to jeopardize that for anyone. I come to work to do my job and make money, end of story.

Thank God For Male Friends

So I ran my little dilema by my male friend Sam, and he gave me some good advice. You can't go accusing someone without proof. You can go with your gut and walk away, but to accuse without proof makes you look a little cray-cray. I wish I would have asked his advice before acting the donkey. Hey, you live and you learn.

Do the Hurricane

So as we all may know there is a hurricane headed for the area I am in. I have waffled back and forth about whether I would evacuate or stay. I am choosing to stay because I don't live in a low-lying area. I stocked up on all my supplies and me and Chunk are ready. Miss Beasley is vacationing in Alabama (jealous) so when the ish hits the fan it will be just me and the boy. You know what I am really scared of? The power and cable going out. I think hell is having to tend to an attention starved one year old while there is no power on. How is he gonna go to sleep without his white noise maker? How will I keep him calm by turning on Yo Gabba Gabba. This will be my greatest mothering challenge to date.

I will certainly update everyone on how we made out!

Table For One.......

Date Night: Table for One

Tonight I did something I have not done in a long time. I took myself on a date. I went to see the movie "The Help" and it was amazing. I won't talk much about the movie here, but all I can say is please have some tissues ready. I am sure there are some that looked at my status update regarding my date night and thought I was doomed to die alone surrounded by my 75 cats. There were some positives to taking myself on a date.

• I got to see the movie I wanted to see. I love dramas and romantic comedies. Most of the men that I have dated are mainly into action movies. Can I take this time to say say how much I HATE action movies. The concept of buildings blowing up and all that is just not my thing. I could just imagine going on a date and having the guy complain about seeing a "chick flick". Return of the Planet of the Apes or whatever was showing and I didn't want to hear about how that movie would be greater than The Help. I like what I like, sue me.
• No seating issues. It was packed! I did not anticipate that many people being there and I was happy to be a party of one because finding a single seat was easy.
• No timing issues. I was originally supposed to go to the 4:30 show, but I have kids and in preparing them to go to my mom's house I ran behind. For once I didn't have to go through the drama and stress of sending a plethora of text messages explaining why I was running behind and I changed showtimes with ease.

I am not saying I will never go on another date, it is just that I when I am looking forward to something sometimes it's better if I go on a solo mission instead of making it a duo which brings me to my next point....

A Date? What's That

It seems in my age group, men have forgotten what it means to go on a date. Lately I have been getting request from some of my gentlemen callers to "hang out". What in the fresh hell is that? You "hang out" when you are 18 years old...we are 30+, there is no hanging out. I am not getting a sitter so I can sit at your house watching the latest on Redbox, No I want to go on a date. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Hell, I will take some ColdStone (LOVE strawberry cheesecake ice cream) and a walk on the beach. I like little outdoor concerts. The point is, I can stay at home on my own. I don't need a second party for that. So a tip for the fellows....if you are texting asking when can you "see me" or when are we gonna "hang out", I will have no response. Ever.

Somebody Pass Me Some Aquifina, STAT!

You know, the dating game is like the lottery. You don't know if you are gonna win or lose. Right now, I am on a straight up losing streak.

Inbox Fuckery

Today I was minding my business, having the best day ever, chopping it up on Facebook and then I get message, and it went something like this:

Random Chick: Hi, I was wondering how you knew "blah blah blah".

Me: Oh we are friends

RC: Oh, well I noticed that you comment and like a lot of his statuses and I just wanted to come to you woman to woman (ha!) to ask you what was up.

Me: Ok

RC: He and I are kinda talking and I would appreciate if you stopped chasing after him (LMAO!!!).

Me: I'm not chasing after him, just commenting on a friends status

RC: Well I am trying to be with him and it just makes it uncomfortable

Me: Wow, ok......

Ladies and Gentleman welcome to my life. First of all, ladies and gentlemen, the Facebook stalking of people that you are involved with/sleeping with/obsessed with needs to stop. Who does that? My pride is too high to let myself sink to such dehydrated levels. Even if I felt some kind of way I could never let another female see my insecurities. She probably thought she laid down the law, but no boo-boo, I'm laughing at you. As far as "blah blah blah" goes, he obviously has a taste for messy, thirsty women so he's no better.

Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

On Tuesday I had my day in court with my ex husband, El Douchebag. Because he has been ducking the child support people for the last 4 months I didn't even know where he was. So I was surprised when he showed up. Ultimately we went through a mediator and he will get 4 hours every other week supervised visitation. Works for me. Now lets see if he pays his child support.

Decency and Order

I am on a quest to become more organized in my life. I have created a binder divided with all off the different areas in my life. This way when I need a certain piece of paperwork it's available instead of me having to hunt it down all over my house.

Anchors Aweigh!

It's funny how God works. I went to a temp agency on Tuesday to see about getting another job lead and I ended up with the sweetest recruiter ever. She offered to go over my resume and make it shipyard friendly. She also gave me contacts to all the major places that do hiring for shipyards. If you are from the area I am you know that type of info is like GOLD. I told her I felt bad applying with people who were my former competitors but she assured me that in the ship repair industry it is common to leave one place and go to a competitor as long as you didn't sign a non compete agreement. I never did so I am basically a free agent.

Things are chugging along tremendously and I hope they stay that way. I am ironing out some things in my life and getting things in order. Hopefully this season of sad events is over!

10 Things About Me

I know I detail a lot of my personal life on my blog, but it doesn't give a clear picture to some of the other facets of my life that don't include the travails of being a single mother.

1. I LOVE Hip-Hop. No, I REALLY love hip-hop. Not only do I love this genre I am known by a lot of my friends to be able to pull really obscure songs and artist from up out of nowhere. My favorite era of hip-hop is from the years of 1994-1997. I mark this time as the "Golden Age of Hip-Hop." During this time you needed sheer TALENT to get on. No co-signs, no special appearances by the artist du jour...you needed talent. This was also the years of Preemo, Pete Rock, RZA, etc. now THEY are what I consider as super producers.
   
2. My life is not as sad as depicted at times in this blog. I am really a happy person, I just have my down times. Remember, I do the work of three people. I am a mama and a daddy (two times). So while blog wise you may want to just put me out of my misery, I really do throw glitter and twirl more often than not.
3. I am a chubby chaser. As I moved into my late 20's I no longer wanted a man that was cut up like a bag of dope. I think it all started with the tasty phenomenon that was Bone Crusher. He would run across that stage all bravado, shirt off, manitties swinging, just turning.me.on. It's nothing like cuddling with a man with a belly.
   
4. I represent the Lollipop Guild (it is NOT "kids" as many people think). I love 'em short. No awkward kisses or hugging someones torso.
   
5. I have never seen "Boomerang". Go ahead...I'll wait while you collect yourself. Boomerang came out when I was a pre-teen and I remember why all my friends had seen it (?) my daddy laid the law down and said HELL NAW. So, for some reason all the way into my adulthood I just haven't watched it because I was scared maybe it was so elicit I wouldn't want to watch it. *note to self: add "Boomerang" to Netflix queue.
   
6. I was supposed to marry a preacher. No really, April 2008. But it didn't happen. Long story
7. I am irked by people who murder the English language. Just so it is known, I go around with an imaginary red pen and in my head I edit people's text messages, Facebook statuses, tweets, and emails. Yup, I am judging your grammar.
   
8. I don't like going to clubs. It took me a long time to admit this, but I am gonna just say it. I don't like it. Maybe it's my age or whatever, but going to a club is just not my thing anymore. I can tell you what a typical time for me in the club is: I get all amped up to go, get dressed, beat my face within a inch of my life, hop in my car, field a bunch of text messages from the people I am going with, get to the club, have approximately 3 drinks, dance a little bit, talk trash with my girls, and then I am either ready to a) sit my ass down or b) go to bed. Ask me what time all this takes place? Midnight. Yup, I'm one of those. I my stay at the club is roughly 2-3 hours. This is why I stick to happy hours.
9. I eat a lot of "struggle meals" and I am not struggling. I love oodles of noodles (roasted chicken flavor), baloney sandwiches, and red kool aid. Why? It's easy to "cook".
10. When my kids are grown and out of my house, I will be moving to a condo in Boca Raton, where I will be botoxed within an inch of my life. I'll date pool boys and rich old men. That is the plan...lol.

I'll Take You There....

It's been a minute since I blogged about my dating life, but let's get to it:

You're Married. Thanks For the Memo

A while back I met this man via Facebook (gotta stop doing that) and he seemed really cool at the time. We would talk about the goodness of God, our goals and ambitions, and he was really digging me. Over time he became more aggressive about "being with me". This sent up red flags everywhere. I am a firm believer that people who are pushy about locking you down usually have some issues, and they want to hook you before you can figure out what it is. I finally broke down and let this man into my life a little and after spending more time together I decided that he really wasn't the one for me. So in my mind I just let it die out and I kept my communication with him to a dull minimum. Fast forward to last Saturday I get a message from him on FB responding to a message I sent eons ago telling me that we couldn't have a future because he's a married man. Yes. Married. Get there. So my response was, "OK, why didn't you say something before?" He said he just didn't but he is doing right and he can't deal with me anymore. OK, cool. Why am I not fazed? He and I have not spoken in almost two months and it's been even longer since I have seen him. What the fuck brought all that on? I promptly deleted him because clearly he is delusional and he's a liar. I hope he doesn't think I was sitting around waiting for him because I clearly have moved on.

Georgia on my Mind

I told you all a little bit about Georgia. We have been seeing each other for the last 3 months and I have to say, I really enjoy his company. When we are together everything is really low key and easy. We cuddle, watch movies, crack jokes and have a great time together. He is definately first round draft pick material. We shall see though.....

Broken Friendships

I have two best friends. One in Georgia and one here. Relations with my friend here are strained at best. I don't know what went wrong but we have somehow become strangers. It hurts sometimes but I am old enough to know that sometimes that is the circle of life. Nothing last forever. People change, their priorities change and sometimes friendships get lost in that.

Weight Loss

I saw myself naked in the mirror today. No Bueno. I hit the gym every now and again, but I am realizing that in order to really get toned and healthy, I am going to need to devote three days a week and I have to do serious cardio. I am vain and I hate sweating, but I want to look good in my clothes. I want to feel confident about my body and right now I don't.

Randoms

My eyelash fetish is out of control. Yes, I have turned into that woman that doesn't leave the house without them. They just really add something to my face. I have become a master at putting them on. Hell, I am able to do it with Chunky milling about crying over me not reading "Good Night Moon".

Career

That OSHA certification came in handy. The house next to me is being renovated and I made a comment today regarding the removal of the the fiberglass insulation. The foreman asked where I got all this information from and I told him I used to work in safety and we are now in talks for me to do safety checks on some of his upcoming jobs. That will be some money in the bank.

I can't say life is completely great right now, but I just keep in my head that everyday will get better and all that is happening is part of a bigger plan. Stay tuned.....

Waiting For That Break

Uuuuuuggggghhhh....I have missed blogging! I have been having a serious case of writers block and I have not been able to pull it together. But I am back and ready to write.

Can I express how hard it is to maintain daycare for two kids? It's real hard. It's even harder for me at this stage because Chunky is under 2 and he is not potty trained. Last week I spent a great deal of time: 1) Wanting him to grow up 2) Use the potty.

I am still on the hunt for that perfect job. As many of you know I used to work at a major hospital in this area. I left that hospital in 2008 for a job with the city and lets just say it has been down hill since then. I have applied for a few positions with them and on Monday, I FINALLY got a call back for an interview. It's today at 12 and I am excited. The plus about this position is my commute will be a lot shorter than it used to be. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that I get this job.

Not much else to report, but I will be back for some commentary on a new show I have fell in love with called Downsized. It's on WeTV and the second season starts in August. xoxoxo

Everyday I'm Hustling.....

I am such a pivotal point in my life right now that it is not even funny. I have been getting job offers to come back to the local hospital I used to work at from 2004-2008. I am in the review stage and I have done some testing, I am just waiting to see if I get to the interview process. I am a effing STAR in interviews. Interviews are basically selling yourself, and honey, I can sell water to a well. Going back to the hospital would mean more stability. The truth is I never should have left. I was young, reckless and thought the grass looked greener on the other side (employment with the City of Blah Blah Blah). So I am praying all goes well and I can go back to wearing scrubs 5 days a week lol.

I have started to also taking my job search outside of Virginia. I have been considering moving to Tennessee where my sister lives. I am looking at employment with a major university there and she gave me gobs of tips on applying for the job and what to put in my resume. That was like gold for me. The main goal is to keep going, not to give up or get discouraged. Once I get discouraged I usually slink back to a lesser job and end up settling. No more. Beasley and Chunk deserve the best!

Tomorrow is my show cause hearing for my child support case with Miss Beasley's father. He is in arrears to the tune of 21,000 dollars. I have been waiting on this day for the last 6 years. He has paid what he wanted when he wanted and it has caught up to him. I'm just there to protect my interest. I want the judge to know that he is in the situation that he is in because he QUIT his good ass job to move to Atlanta to be a "producer" (sheesh) and it was down hill from there. I don't expect the whole 21k but I do want a witholding order that is state compliant and a payment up front. We shall see.

Not much else...long day ahead and I have to get my rest. xoxoxo!

Call Before You Come....

Last night around 3 am I was awaken by what I believe was my doorbell. I waited another couple of minutes and there is was again....the doorbell, followed by a knock on the door. I got nervous as hell and went to the closet for my "equilizer" and went to my bedroom door and waited about 5 minutes. The bell ringing stopped and then I went on to bed. I will give you one guess who it was: The Friend. I never knew he would take it this far *Dwele voice* What makes me mad is that this man borrowed money from me and NOT ONCE did he say when he was gonna pay me back. In all of the exchange about seeing me he just glossed over the fact that we had that on the table. What really caused me to come unglued was he asked me what was I upset about when he left. Seriously? Seriously? I hate when people hurt you and then they try to act like it's all good because time has gone by. Now I know how my sister used to feel when I would borrow money from her and had not paid a dime but wanted to call her and chat....you just feel like you don't matter.

Today I took my little angels to see Cars 2! Note to self: 19 month olds aren't build for that movie theater life. When went in during the preview and my entire view experience of the Pixar short was me chasing my son down the aisle while he hollered "Wee!" and "Noooo". By the time the movie started he was sleep. Thank God his admission was free because if not he was gonna stay away to watch the whole thing. But, watching the movie I decided it's time for me to plan and stick to something for myself. All of my life I have wanted to see Europe. France and Spain in particular. When I got home I began searching Apple Tours for pricing on Europe vacations. What I am getting at is I want to start living my life and not just existing. Part of this revolution is me expanding my job search beyond Virginia. That is a big deal for me because with the exception on my year in Charleston, Virginia is all I know. I have always been afraid that something would happen to me away from my parents and I wouldn't know how to make it. If we look at the fact of my life, things are happening to me here and I am no worse for the wear. It is time for me to spread my wings. You only get one shot at life, and when these eyes close I want to know I lived it to the fullest. xoxoxo

They Pull Me Right Back.....

Sheesh.....that about sums it up right now. I had an awesome weekend, and part of that weekend was a cookout at one of my friend's house. Being a little older I decided not to show up empty handed (in my 20's I would just show up ready to drink and eat till I popped). I made tequila sunrise jello shots and deviled eggs. Now, before I go any further please remember I get out probably once every three months and hardly anywhere where there is free liquor. When I got to the cook out, I started out with a corona(trying to keep it cute) and then I followed that with a delicious pomagrante concoction. I would later discover that that wonderful beverage was mixed with Everclear (yeah I know). So after I drank that I decided to take a Jello shot and sip on Henny and coke....this is where shit went allllllll the way to the left. You know how when you are drunk the music seems to loud and the environment just seems to spin? Yeah I was there. So I decided to sit down out of the way and that didn't help. I moved outside to the porch and all the talking was causing me to be even dizzier....so I sat down on the steps to compose myself and since it was sprinkling I decided to take this mess to my car. Long story short, I ended up throwing up by my car and then blacking out for about three hours (felt like 30 minutes) and then my friend came to the car and helped me upstairs to wash my face so I could sober up (uh no water touched my face because I had on my lashes lol). The lesson here is not to mix my liquor and my ass is not 25 anymore.

In other news....The Friend contacted me. Yes, lets all take this moment to pause and pray. As much as I used to get my life from him, I don't want to EVER feel that kind of hurt again. It's that hurt that has left me unable to trust anyone. I know how I am and I just need the strength to just say, "No....that shit was not OK and I can't let you hurt me again." Sigh....I think I need to scroll through my previous post and I'll catch the hint....xoxoxo!

#Winning

I just got some of the best news of the month......*whispers* My FAVORITE esthetician is BACK!!!!! I am sure you are all wondering, "Why is that such a big deal? There are estheticians everywhere." A note about me: When I find someone who does the following really well, I stick with them like glue: cut my hair, wax my va-jay jay, do a facial, and wash my car. When I say Miss A is the best, I mean it. She is a step further than just doing the same ol same ol. She knows her stuff when it comes to skin. I have been awaiting her return because my skin as going bonkers. My skin just looks blah...so I look forward to seeing her because my skin needs it!

Got some updates about my ex-husband....apparently he's living at a bus station. At first I felt bad, but then I thought about why he was living in a bus station. First off, he won't work a regular job to get a place to live because he has made dodging DSCE a full time job. Second, he I don't think has been sitting around being worried about me and Chunk so....there you have it. So with that being said...good night!

Find Some Damn Business....

First of all....I know I have just abandoned this blog like a mug!!!! So much has been going on there is just too much to re-cap.

For a while I put finding a man on the back burner so I could focus on what it was I wanted to do in life. When I sat down and thought about it, my life has been a road map of travels that have not been completed. When I got fired from my job it took a lot out of me. I was basically told that I was incompetent and I believed it. But you know what? Someone's perception of you DOES NOT make your reality. The truth is I am competent. When I started at that company they had NO safety program what so ever. I built that program up from the ground up. Never mind I had no safety experience what so ever...I got it done. So you know what I have decided to do? Come back faster and stronger. After a lot of research I have decided to return back to Major University and finish my degree...in Enviromental Health, with a minor in Occupational Health. I can do this. I am a junior at that university which means, by the time Chunky is 4, I will have my Bachelors. I have to do this. My kids are counting on me and I am counting on me. I have been running into some financial aid problems ( you know you can only borrow up to 57,000 in student loans? Yeah me neither) but I will get around them. The important thing is seeing this thing through.

On the relationship front, I have an all new starting line up. I am learning how to casually date. Just because someone makes me smile a couple times doesn't mean I have to die with them. I want to take my time and find the right one. I have a couple that are real strong contenders but no one has really proven themselves worthy of me letting my guard down. I do get lonely sometimes, but I figure being lonely beats being unhappy. When it has come to selecting a man my criteria has gotten a lot stricter. He MUST have the following: A place to live that is not with his mama and/or cousin, his own transportation, and at least 3 pay stubs and a W-2 (lol Red Velvet). If not, you will go no further than the phone interview. Most of the men I have been approached by are hitting 30 or are in their 30's and if they don't have those three things they need to be out getting them, not trying to get a girlfriend *kanye shrug*. I am done saving stray cats....my cape is in the cleaners so I can't save anybody right now.

I have also been embracing motherhood. I always have, but for the first time in a long time I feel PRESENT in my children's lives. I enjoy my little moments with them. There was a time when I thought about summer all I could think about was all the mayhem I was gonna get into with my girls, but now, I am planning trips to amusement parks, and looking up ways to cause some mayhem with my kids. They are what is important. Everything else is secondary.

Back on weight watchers. Five pounds down. Do it to it boo! It was hard as hell the first week. But I am now in week three and chugging along! It's amazing what tracking what you eat will do. I find that I eat when I am bored, so now I have started to do pilates instead. So far, so good!

Well, I promise it won't be that long before I post again....just got caught up in life....xoxoxo!

American Beauty

Hey Lovies....it's been a rough couple of weeks around here. I got laid off from my job or made part-time on-call (whatever the hell that means), I have been playing the "will you please pay your child support" game and all kinds of crappy stuff. Then to top it off my poor son spent his first real Easter in the ER with the stomach flu (which I ended up catching). I was looking out of the window of my office at my new job (yeah...I bounce back quick lol) and I noticed that it was raining. It has been sunny all day long and then out of nowhere it started to rain. Normally, my reaction would just be, "Oh shit...it's raining...and I don't have my umbrella". Today was different. Just looking at that rain made me appreciate all the beauty in the world. The way the rain hit the trees and they swayed around like they were dancing to the sound of the wind. The sound of car tires splashing in fresh puddles. It all made me happy to be alive. Happy to be experiencing that moment. I have decided it is time for me to stop focusing on all that is going wrong and focus on what is going right. It wasn't until I saw my son go into shock on Sunday that I realized that I never really appreciated the fact that he had always been healthy. I never thought I would long to hear him bust open my bedroom door and yell "Hey Mama". When I daughter had the worst asthma attack I had ever seen her have, I couldn't wait for her to ask me for the millionth time for a snack. We take these little moments for granted worrying about all the big things. XOXO!

Wooo Saaaahhh

I'm back y'all from my "Britney Spears in the crazy time when she shaved all her hair off" meltdown. Things aren't going so great right now, but I am living each day looking for that silver lining. I just read that last post and I know I am feeling better when I can look at it and say, "Girl stop..." I remembered the Oprah interview when she interviewed Ilyana Vanzant. Ilyana talked about the death of her daughter and how she stayed in bed for months and then contemplated killing herself when she heard a voice saying, "STOP BEING DRAMATIC!!!" I heard that voice....there are worse things that could be happening to me. I should use this time of "reduced work hours" to do somethings I have been wanting to do.

The love life? On hiatus. Indefinitely. I am not ready for a relationship in any capacity. I need to work on being the kind of woman I want to be so I can attract the kind of man that I want in my life. Friends are ok (not the kind that sleep on my couch) but boyfriends? Nope. I think it's best I stay away from the horizontal polka too. Oh.....you didn't know....Celibacy 2011 has been started and stopped like three times....but now it is back on, because it just confuses things.

Who knows something about lawns? I finally get a dwelling that has a front and backyard and I have no idea what I am doing. I was oh so clueless in front of KMart on Saturday. Mulch or Top Soil? What kind of weed killer? Do I need a rake or an aerator? It was just a mess. I ended up getting one bag of top soil for the front lawn(not enough) a rake and some Roundup weed killer. The result? My yard looks worse than before. I dug up all the ground and scattered that scant amount of top soil on the lawn and the result is a dirt patch with two mud puddles(it rained afterward). I think I am going to go with the mulch. My neighbors used it and their lawn looks awesome. The backyard? I think I am going to have to have a party for that one because it is a MESS! I am going to work on the patio part this weekend and the back end next weekend. I just need a place to have cocktails and grill.

Well, I just wanted to assure all of you that I am okay and I will be okay. Thank you Christy, Red Velvet, Hollywood, and Birdie for checking on me, letting me cry, and being awesome. xoxoxo!

P.S. Child Support Update: Ex-hubby now has two choices. Pay or go to jail. I bet he wishes he would have just paid....we all know he does not have $1,400.....

Back Like Cooked Crack!

Heeeeellllllooooo my babies!!! Sorry I took a little sabbatical from blogging because I just have had a lot going on.

The single life? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba I'm loving it. All the old team members have been traded or fired. Last Friday I went on my first real date in years. I will call him Mr. Big (I can't call him what I really want to because I am not sure if The Friend still reads this blog....tell you why that is important in a minute). For our first date he told me he was taking me to this bar and I must admit, I did the extreme side eye until he told me that on the night we were going it was open mic night. It was wonderful, we drank, listened to the jazz band, heard a little spoken word, some singing and even a little comedy. It was really nice. We are keeping it casual and I like it that way.

So, you know I don't pull any punches, I am sure you are all wondering who Mr. Big is. Mr. Big is a friend of The Friend. Yeah. Go ahead and judge. Mr. Big gave me the push I needed to let The Friend go because he confirmed basically everything that I already suspected. The Friend had been taking my car to see other females, he was screwing other females, and he LIVES from getting girls to put phones in their names and then sticking them with the bill. Normally something like that would have sent me through, but you know what? I felt free when I heard that. It meant for me that all that shit he kicked about him being such an upstanding person was basically some bullshit. So, I got my power back y'all. The problem wasn't me. It was his ass. So I went back to facebook, canceled my pitiful "will you take me back" friend request and blocked him. Then I went on my phone and I blacklisted him from being able to text me and all of his calls will go to voicemail. I deserve better than that. Plus, I do not want to spend my 30's like I did my 20's, begging people to stay that didn't want to.

Can I tell you all my new addiction? OnDemand TV. You know I was all #teamfreecable but I don't think I could live without my OnDemand. 95% of what I watch is OnDemand. I have had a chance to catch a lot of shows that I never got a chance to watch because I have been so busy. Outsourced? The shit! Bob's Burger's? Hilarious. On the flip side of that since I recognized that tv watching at my house is at an all time high, I need to get back on my reading grind. Right now I am reading a book called "Another Man's Wife". So far so good....we'll see how it goes.

Well, that is just the highlights. I promise not to be a stranger especially since I found some free wi-fi to hop onto at home (yeah, I'm cheap). xoxoxo

P.S. I am still going strong in my quest to be a better cook. I made some greens this weekend that were OUT OF THIS WORLD! Me and Chunky tore those things up....not a drop left in the pot!