Mind of a Child

This morning I got hit in the head with a very interesting question from Miss Beasley. We were eating breakfast and out of the blue, she asked me, "Do you like daddy?" That was a really loaded question. Sure, the police don't have to be called every time we get together, but I think the word "like" is a stretch for him and I. Back in the day I used to luuuuurrrvve my daughters father. He was my sun, moon and stars. I had a huge crush on him all through high school and we started dating when I was 21 years old. One year later, I gave birth to Miss Beasley, and this is where shit went left. I took to being a mother like a fish to water, he on the other hand struggled in his new role as a father. I never doubted that he loved Miss Beasley, I think all the responsibility of being a father was a lot for him and he didn't know how to deal with it. Long story short, we grew to be different people. Our breakup wasn't too messy, but when it came to the issue of child support that is when it got ugly. He was angry I filed and he thought he was paying too much. This lead to him having to move back in with his parents and bad feelings were created all around. Which brings us to today. Miss Beasley's father and I don't speak at all, not so much as a hello. He comes in the morning to take Gabby to school he doesn't say a word and hell either do I. How did I answer Miss Beasley's question? I used gentle honesty. I told her me and her dad aren't BFF's, but we don't hate each other. That answer seemed to satisfy her, and on her way she went. It got me thinking about how far he and I have come in the last 10 years. He and I were a team, and we pushed each other to be the best that we could be. There are times while navigating the dating world, I miss the cohesiveness that me and her father used to share. That kind of quality in a relationship has been VERY hard for me to find. Am I posed to fall on my sword and go back to Miss Beasley's dad? No. We aren't even the same two people that fell in love that cool fall afternoon in 2001. It's just very surprising how far two people who were so close have drifted so far.

I got a new job ya'll!!!!! It's a lot more money and a lot more responisiblity. I am getting the opportunity to return to the healthcare field, and I'm loving it. You know what I am really excited about? Wearing scrubs again to work. It's like wearing pajamas to work everyday. I am going to buy some new ones since the ones I had previously do not fit since it's been 3 years and a one pregnancy ago.

Dating, dating, dating dating....ugh. I think I am going to take a break. I feel like I am at TJ Maxx looking through the racks and nothing looks appealing to me. It's break time. I have spent an inordinate amount of time looking for Mr. Right and I would like to tell him, he is gonna have to find me, lol. My divorce is 2 weeks from being final and I don't want to hop back in the same situation of getting into a relationship or married to someone who is not right for me. Being alone sucks sometimes, but being tied to the wrong person sucks even more.

Randoms

With school for me and Miss Beasley starting back up, I have not had the time to blog. Can I also mention I really miss my laptop and I need to get off the dime and go get it fixed? Ok, so bringing you up to speed:


Opportunity Knocking

So we all know I am on the hunt for something bigger and better for my career, and there has been a straight up dry spell. Well, it appears it is over. I have gotten 4 different job offers at VERY good companies doing something that will grow my bank account. I feel like Lebron without that bad hairline. I don't know where I am taking my talents but wherever it is there has to be the potential for growth.

Dating...ugh

Messy. It is almost cuffing season and I am without an individual to cuff. I get a little pain in my heart (lol) when I think about it, but then I read the events of last year's cuffing season and my soul says, "no thank you." With that being said, I am less focused on being boo'd up this winter and more on my kids and this schoolwork.

School Days

I am back in school, earning that Enviromental Health degree. I was all gung-ho until I saw the plethora of science I am going to have to take. IT was much easier to manuver through. I like a challenge so this will be good for me.

Don't Leave While Your'e Hot

I don't think I ever blogged about him, but back after me and the Good Reverand Doctor split up I began seeing this man who we will call Nunyah. He is 50% of the reason the theme of 2008 was simply "2008 and Heartbreaks". Long story short, he was dating me, got married, was still pursuing me, and then finally he moved to a far off land for a short period of time. Through all this is ass is still contacting me. Of course he is singing the same old song "I shoulda married you...I hate this shit". Try it again queen.

New Obsession

I have never been one for DIY maniures. Lately I figured I should put that Paul Mitchell education to use and I have been doing my own manicures. Now that I know how to CORRECTLY polish my nails, I have been buying nail polish like a maniac. It is apart of the budget, that is how deep it goes. I like that I can change my nail polish to reflect my mood for the day or the evening.


Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

Back for the third time in three months. This time the defendant was El Douchebag. Guess what y'all? He didn't show up. When I FINALLY got a hold of him (by blocking my number on my house phone), he acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about, and I politely informed him he is now a fugitive of the law since they issued a warrant. He starts rambling about he got a job now and is going to be paying regularly, and I just replied, "Paying doesn't get rid of the warrant...you need to turn yourself in and then let the judge know your intentions." I bet my whole paycheck he won't do any of that. He is messy like that. But you know what y'all? In four weeks.....I'll be free, and that makes it all worthwhile!

Good Night Irene

The title of this blog and the subject matter have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to say that lol.

Grow the Hell Up

I talked to my ex-husband today. We spoke on the matter of him not paying child support. I discovered two little nuggets of information. 1) He has been working all this time and STILL wasn't paying. Who does that? You know I was mad as hell 2) He got fired from that job for......fighting. Yes, you read that right. Fighting. What 40 year old man gets fired for fighting on the job? You know I am not necessarily in love with my job, but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I am not going to jeopardize that for anyone. I come to work to do my job and make money, end of story.

Thank God For Male Friends

So I ran my little dilema by my male friend Sam, and he gave me some good advice. You can't go accusing someone without proof. You can go with your gut and walk away, but to accuse without proof makes you look a little cray-cray. I wish I would have asked his advice before acting the donkey. Hey, you live and you learn.

Do the Hurricane

So as we all may know there is a hurricane headed for the area I am in. I have waffled back and forth about whether I would evacuate or stay. I am choosing to stay because I don't live in a low-lying area. I stocked up on all my supplies and me and Chunk are ready. Miss Beasley is vacationing in Alabama (jealous) so when the ish hits the fan it will be just me and the boy. You know what I am really scared of? The power and cable going out. I think hell is having to tend to an attention starved one year old while there is no power on. How is he gonna go to sleep without his white noise maker? How will I keep him calm by turning on Yo Gabba Gabba. This will be my greatest mothering challenge to date.

I will certainly update everyone on how we made out!

Randoms.....

Just some randoms....

• I love my oil burner and the smell of lavender oil...it is THE BEST!!!!
• Laughter is the best medicine for the blues. The past couple of days this week I have been feeling a little low and Red Velvet would call and we would get on that phone and LAUGH!!! I am talking 3 hours of laughing....classic
• I know that I have spoken against this.....buuuuutttt.....I LOVE FALSE LASHES!!!! I think I secretly hated them because I did not know how to apply them. I like the way they look on me, but I do have requirements. I only use the type that are strips but sparse. I HATE the look of mini tarantulas on someone's eyes. I just want them to enhance not over power
• Being a single mom is HOARD!!!!!!!! But it's the most rewarding job ever. I love seeing the smiles on my children's faces
• After complaining about not having any friends in my neighborhood, and today while making my bi-weekly run to get diapers I ran into one of my old friends and she lives IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!!! We are hanging out tomorrow night to catch up!
• I thank God for the friendships in my life. I am happy that I have learned to be a better listener (I used to be the Toni Childs of friendships).
  
• What is the protocol for dealing with someone you meet that you found out was "kinda a big deal" back in the day. I work with a young lady who after friending her on Facebook discovered she used to be a video model (not using that other term...it's not nice) aaaannnd I found out that she was a primary in Common's "Go" video. I think it's awesome. She never talks about it....but I think it's neat.
  
• Will it ever get easier?
• Stress will rob you of your appetite and smile....no bueno.
• I think women who take their shoes off in the club and walk around barefoot are gross. That is all
• Call center culture is just.....smh
• Am I too young to be researching liquid facelifts?
  
• Why did my daughter's father have to be threatened with 60 days in jail before he would pay child support? Didn't I ask him to do the same thing 3 months ago? It makes me sad he would follow the instruction of a stranger before the mother of his child.

Well that was a very satisfying brain dump...lol...thanks for reading xoxox

Everyday I'm Hustling.....

I am such a pivotal point in my life right now that it is not even funny. I have been getting job offers to come back to the local hospital I used to work at from 2004-2008. I am in the review stage and I have done some testing, I am just waiting to see if I get to the interview process. I am a effing STAR in interviews. Interviews are basically selling yourself, and honey, I can sell water to a well. Going back to the hospital would mean more stability. The truth is I never should have left. I was young, reckless and thought the grass looked greener on the other side (employment with the City of Blah Blah Blah). So I am praying all goes well and I can go back to wearing scrubs 5 days a week lol.

I have started to also taking my job search outside of Virginia. I have been considering moving to Tennessee where my sister lives. I am looking at employment with a major university there and she gave me gobs of tips on applying for the job and what to put in my resume. That was like gold for me. The main goal is to keep going, not to give up or get discouraged. Once I get discouraged I usually slink back to a lesser job and end up settling. No more. Beasley and Chunk deserve the best!

Tomorrow is my show cause hearing for my child support case with Miss Beasley's father. He is in arrears to the tune of 21,000 dollars. I have been waiting on this day for the last 6 years. He has paid what he wanted when he wanted and it has caught up to him. I'm just there to protect my interest. I want the judge to know that he is in the situation that he is in because he QUIT his good ass job to move to Atlanta to be a "producer" (sheesh) and it was down hill from there. I don't expect the whole 21k but I do want a witholding order that is state compliant and a payment up front. We shall see.

Not much else...long day ahead and I have to get my rest. xoxoxo!

#Winning

I just got some of the best news of the month......*whispers* My FAVORITE esthetician is BACK!!!!! I am sure you are all wondering, "Why is that such a big deal? There are estheticians everywhere." A note about me: When I find someone who does the following really well, I stick with them like glue: cut my hair, wax my va-jay jay, do a facial, and wash my car. When I say Miss A is the best, I mean it. She is a step further than just doing the same ol same ol. She knows her stuff when it comes to skin. I have been awaiting her return because my skin as going bonkers. My skin just looks blah...so I look forward to seeing her because my skin needs it!

Got some updates about my ex-husband....apparently he's living at a bus station. At first I felt bad, but then I thought about why he was living in a bus station. First off, he won't work a regular job to get a place to live because he has made dodging DSCE a full time job. Second, he I don't think has been sitting around being worried about me and Chunk so....there you have it. So with that being said...good night!

Are You There God? It's Me, Victoria.....

A few post back I told you all that I had a hard decision to make, and last night I came to my decision. I still am not posting all the details...but I am sure if you think really hard you can figure it out. Hint: October is going to be a busy month....

That's all I have for now, I am at work early because there is a ton of stuff for me to do and I am trying to leave early :) xoxoxoxo!

AWESOMENESS!!!!

Some awesome things have happened today:

• I had my child support hearing today! Now, lets see if he actually pays it....lol
• Miss Beasley's dad has been held in contempt for not paying his child support....I have finally got somewhere in that battle!
• Aaaaaaaannnnnnndddd finally, my friend Sam who is stationed all the way in Italy, gave me the best belated Christmas present ever....THE PURPLE TAPE!!! My original purple tape was stolen in 1995 and I never knew that it would become such a classic. Getting that in the mail made my day!

The Friend is still here....we crack some jokes on the here and there and I can't front, he has been keeping Chunky all smiles while he's been sick...sigh....lol,

Off to do a little Jillian's 30 day Shred and make dinner! xoxoxo!

When All Else Fails....Do Some Hoe Shit....

Can I just express right now that I feel like relationships and love is for suckers? With the exception of my son, people with penises are on my list of people I hate. First off, my ex-husband has had some kind of epiphany that our son is not his. Yeah...take your time with that one. How did he come to this conclusion? He was served with child support papers. What a lame and childish move. But nonetheless, me and Chunky will be down at DSCE cheeks ready for the swabbing. My ex-husband is in the muthafucking way...

Now, remember "The Friend"? Yeah, he's a douchebag. I sure do know how to pick 'em. I am still trying to figure out his purpose in my life because the shit that has been going on lately has me scratching my head. He has moved out of the bedroom and has parked his ass on my couch with his laptop....and that is where he stays. While on the couch, he likes to call out all of my parenting flaws and anything he can find wrong with me. Our "relationship" is like this clip from The Boondocks. He would be the dude around the 1:06 mark. Complete with the borrowing your car line. Then he claims he doesn't live here, but I looked in my closet this morning and I swear on my hood (lollerskates) all his shit was in my closet. I know my ass was running around here talking about being broken hearted, but shit...I want my space back. I want to chill in my living room listening to pandora. I can't because there is SOMEONE ON MY FUCKING COUCH......so with all that being said, I am done with men. No, I am not going to start playing for the other team (though I am thisclose to doing just that) I just don't feel like being bothered. I don't think it is the cards for me to be in a relationship or even be entertaining one for a myriad of reasons.....sheesh..rant over...xoxoxoxo

SN: I never posted about the hoe shit...lol...I am going to dance at Atlantis for Amateur Night....you know there will be a story to tell...

The Return of Crazy Bitch and Snow? I Think.....

Oooooh what a morning it has been!!!! The Good: They are calling for lots of snow, and they canceled school and it was optional whether or not if we wanted to come to work. The Bad: They called for snow and canceled school and I had 4 diapers left in the house and 0 dollars to my name. This caused the Crazy Bitch to show up in all her glory....I just remember being real mad (Joe Jackson), ordering my children to get dressed and taking Chunky to Food Lion with NO shoes on (he had on socks). You know why I was mad? Because I had to do something illegal to get Chunky's diapers. I will not say what, but I think we can all gather. It makes me so frustrated that I am stuck here making these hard ass decisions, like whether or not I want to go to jail and risk my clearance over a 6 dollar pack of diapers, but my ex-husband and daughter's father are out there living life carefree. If I had a gun, I would have probably drove to Hampton and shot my ex-husband in the face on sight. But then again who wins there? You know what the bad part was? The "Friend" was here. Watching all of it. He judged me and told me I don't care about my kids. Well, I guess that is easy to say from behind a laptop perched up on the couch....My point is this: Until you have been a single parent with an uncooperative baby mama/daddy, then you can't make judgments.

Since I will be locked in this house most of the day, I will more than likely work on reviewing Kanye's album, smoking cigarettes, and sleeping when I can. Good day! xoxoxo

Oh Really?

Oh really, day job? Y'all just had a major meeting on Sunday and nobody called me? But in today's meeting I am supposed to get all this major stuff done on short notice? Booooooo.....poor planning on your part will never create an emergency on mine. Ugh.

Have you ever had a text argument with someone and they are responding like they have an audience reading what they are responding, but they aren't showing the other person your responses? For example:

Me: Could you sign the separation agreement so I can get on with my life?

Ex-husband:I don't want you anymore. Put that on your separation agreement

Me: Ummmmm.....I put YOU out....because I didn't want YOU...but um...are you gonna help with your son's Christmas?

Ex-husband: I didn't lay down with your family. I laid down with you.

Me: *making the WTF face*

Really? I think his whole purpose was to evade the child support question. But that's okay. He should really know that I am not a rookie....so, I printed out what I needed and turned that situation over to DSCE. Yup, turned his black ass into the "people". But you know what? I have been in that system for almost 6 years now, and I can tell you, that they work for the good of the father. My daughter's father is 18k behind. When I call and complain, they tell me they will send him a letter. You know what he is gonna do with that letter? Look at it and say, "I don't have it." Sheesh...I wish I could just say that and somebody else took care of my responsibilities. *Kanye Shrug*

Speaking of Mr. West, eventually I am gonna get to his album review, it's just tonight I am not in that kind of mood. SN: On a random note, my neighbors must be buffalo because they move around upstairs like it.

I have a full bottle of moscato in my fridge, but to be honest, after Crazy Bitch showed up, I am scared as hell to drink a glass. I might....but then again I might not.

Tomorrow my baby girl is going to be 7. I cannot believe it has been seven years since she has been born. I remember bringing home this little screaming bundle that gave me a run for my money. She turned into my best friend, and me and her grew up together. She was there for some of my happiest and proudest moments. I remember looking at her when she was a baby and wondering what she would be. Seven years later I would have never guessed she would be a smart little girl who loves to read, draw and has dreams of being a veterinarian and an artist. She has made me so proud and I am so glad I am her mom and she is my daughter.

Well, I have decided to have a small glass of moscato and then turn in.....I'll let you know if Crazy Bitch shows up.....but what I am really looking for is some consummation from "My Friend". He and I have had a good night...it hasn't been tense like it's been the last couple of days....xoxoxoxo