Tuesday, April 26, 2011

American Beauty

Hey Lovies....it's been a rough couple of weeks around here. I got laid off from my job or made part-time on-call (whatever the hell that means), I have been playing the "will you please pay your child support" game and all kinds of crappy stuff. Then to top it off my poor son spent his first real Easter in the ER with the stomach flu (which I ended up catching). I was looking out of the window of my office at my new job (yeah...I bounce back quick lol) and I noticed that it was raining. It has been sunny all day long and then out of nowhere it started to rain. Normally, my reaction would just be, "Oh shit...it's raining...and I don't have my umbrella". Today was different. Just looking at that rain made me appreciate all the beauty in the world. The way the rain hit the trees and they swayed around like they were dancing to the sound of the wind. The sound of car tires splashing in fresh puddles. It all made me happy to be alive. Happy to be experiencing that moment. I have decided it is time for me to stop focusing on all that is going wrong and focus on what is going right. It wasn't until I saw my son go into shock on Sunday that I realized that I never really appreciated the fact that he had always been healthy. I never thought I would long to hear him bust open my bedroom door and yell "Hey Mama". When I daughter had the worst asthma attack I had ever seen her have, I couldn't wait for her to ask me for the millionth time for a snack. We take these little moments for granted worrying about all the big things. XOXO!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Wooo Saaaahhh

I'm back y'all from my "Britney Spears in the crazy time when she shaved all her hair off" meltdown. Things aren't going so great right now, but I am living each day looking for that silver lining. I just read that last post and I know I am feeling better when I can look at it and say, "Girl stop..." I remembered the Oprah interview when she interviewed Ilyana Vanzant. Ilyana talked about the death of her daughter and how she stayed in bed for months and then contemplated killing herself when she heard a voice saying, "STOP BEING DRAMATIC!!!" I heard that voice....there are worse things that could be happening to me. I should use this time of "reduced work hours" to do somethings I have been wanting to do.

The love life? On hiatus. Indefinitely. I am not ready for a relationship in any capacity. I need to work on being the kind of woman I want to be so I can attract the kind of man that I want in my life. Friends are ok (not the kind that sleep on my couch) but boyfriends? Nope. I think it's best I stay away from the horizontal polka too. Oh.....you didn't know....Celibacy 2011 has been started and stopped like three times....but now it is back on, because it just confuses things.

Who knows something about lawns? I finally get a dwelling that has a front and backyard and I have no idea what I am doing. I was oh so clueless in front of KMart on Saturday. Mulch or Top Soil? What kind of weed killer? Do I need a rake or an aerator? It was just a mess. I ended up getting one bag of top soil for the front lawn(not enough) a rake and some Roundup weed killer. The result? My yard looks worse than before. I dug up all the ground and scattered that scant amount of top soil on the lawn and the result is a dirt patch with two mud puddles(it rained afterward). I think I am going to go with the mulch. My neighbors used it and their lawn looks awesome. The backyard? I think I am going to have to have a party for that one because it is a MESS! I am going to work on the patio part this weekend and the back end next weekend. I just need a place to have cocktails and grill.

Well, I just wanted to assure all of you that I am okay and I will be okay. Thank you Christy, Red Velvet, Hollywood, and Birdie for checking on me, letting me cry, and being awesome. xoxoxo!

P.S. Child Support Update: Ex-hubby now has two choices. Pay or go to jail. I bet he wishes he would have just paid....we all know he does not have $1,400.....