Monday, July 30, 2012
1) Love and Hip and other shows of that genre. I don't discriminate I've stopped watching RHONY and Mob Wives too. I'm just tired of watch a bunch of birds acting up on TV....Frasier, Unsung, and Golden Girls is how I get down.
2) People in pretend relationships. Before I go there, I will admit I have been in a few one sided relationships in my day, so this is no shade. Im not here to listen to folks fabricate relationships based off clicks and whistles. Now I know what I sounded like and I'm em-bar-assed!!!
3) The jokes about my "imaginary boyfriend". I may call J my unicorn, but he does exsist in real life. I am sure you are all wondering one thing: "She takes pictures of lunch, but how come there's no pictures of her man on her FB/IG?" Good question. If my life was a reality show, J (and my sister) would be the people who would opt ALL the way out. J is very private and I have respect that otherwise y'all would have gotten ALL the T from his birthday evening....lol
4) Liars. I think we all know my stance on that.
5) Lacefront wigs. Why?
That's all I have...there's more but I am going to enjoy the rest of my day off!
I picked Miss Beasley up on Saturday so she could return with me to the DMV. Leaving my mom was very hard for her. It was hard for my mom too. Hopefully both of them will adjust easily.
When I got back, I stopped over J's house so I could pick up a few things he had been storing for me. We sat and talked while my kids played( they missed each other) and while talking I noticed the picture from his trip when he took a helicopter ride. I also noticed in the picture he was with his female friend. I know they are just friends and the trip was her gift to him but I was hurt a little. My mood shifted to sad and we said goodbye and I headed to my new place. While driving, I had a little talk with myself. I have two options: stay mad or let that go and move on. I chose option two. I have male friends too, and I CHOOSE not to do certain things with them because I am scared it will be detrimental to my relationship. The key word is "choose". Now if J doesn't choose to do the same that's fine. He has it right. You don't drop your friends because you have a new boo. Let's add this to something to work on because I have a bad habit of letting go of friends because I'm in a relationship. I did this the worse when I was married. When my husband started acting up, I had no one to talk to because I had abandoned everyone. So long story short, I am going to maintain my friendships regardless of my relationship status. It's called creating boundaries and I need to get some STAT!
Well I am off to enjoy this day with a run and some much needed errand running!
Friday, July 27, 2012
After that I called my mom and a man picked up and told me she had been in an accident and he was the tow truck driver. My heart sank. I was scared of what might be said next. I cautiously asked if she was ok and he reassured me she and my daughter were ok, but at that moment I HAD to talk to them. I began to feel enormous guilt for leaving my mom, for leaving Miss Beasley. I just wanted to know they were ok. I frantically called my dad and then the hospital. They got my mom on the phone and I was so happy to hear her voice. She let me know her and Beasley were fine and to turn around (oh y'all know I was headed to the 757 with NO bags! I don't play!) and she would see me in the morning.
My nerves y'all.....today has jumped up and down all over them. I am going to decompress with a hot shower and then I'm headed to bed. The lesson today: God will take care of you....and show you what's important.
I am excited to get my baby this weekend! I am also looking forward to seeing my parents and a new friend that I aquired while looking for a gift for J. It's going to be a good weekend all around.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Yesterday's events gave me a lot to think about and for some reason my relationship came across my mind. I remember when I met my ex husband he was my EVERYTHANG y'all. Then the more I discovered the more I didn't like. By that time my foolhardy tail was already married to him. In an effort to have a man I didn't take a second look. I didn't ask fact finding questions. I let red flags go unnoticed. The lesson I learned was to never be afraid to walk away if you don't like what you see. You get what you buy. All of my soul searching last night led me to the conclusion that it's ok to state what you want. I have always been hesitant in relationships to call a flag on the play. There was always this voice saying, "If you confront him he may....leave you." To that I now say, "So what?" This doesn't mean talk reckless all the time, but don't be a doormat either. Last night I got my priorities in order and things that were in the top five got bumped waaaay down and some things that were at the bottom got moved up. It's crunch time. I did not come up here to fail. The mission was to craft my IT career, not boo love. My future and my kids are in the balance and I can't take anymore chances. So the heat has been turned up and Miss Page is going harder....stay tuned!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Remember how I was really homesick when I got to DC? Yeah I think that has passed. I was in Columbia Heights on Friday and I was noticing all the places to eat and shop and I got all amped that I was finally here! I almost threw my hat in the air like Mary Tyler Moore!
Not much else to report, just more homework and writing.....xoxox!
Friday, July 20, 2012
On my way home I got a call from Miss Beasley's father informing me he had quit his job. Yes, you read that right. He just quit because he didn't like the job. Sheesh. I wish I had that kind of freedom. At first I was real mad, Joe Jackson, but then I realized something, God put me in a position where him not paying child support wouldn't hurt me. It was then that I dropped my anger and picked up my praise. I remembered that the earth is the Lords and the fullness there of. Meaning, any help I get comes from Him. Simple as that. I pray that one day my children's fathers will grow up and become responsible adults. So no worries over here.
This weekend me and J are celebrating his birthday and I have some surprises in store for him. Tomorrow night is going to be interesting to say the least.
Well tonight I am taking a break from studying and heading to bed at a decent hour.....peace.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
A few things I want to get off my chest, and its going to be short because my economic homework is calling my name.
Today J and In had a housekeeping conversation regarding our relationship. He told me some things he didn't like that I do and I did the same. It was informative because I learned the things that he does that send me wallsliding aren't intentional, it's just apart of who he is. I can respect that. So basically its no need to take it personal.
I spoke with J's mom today and we shared our love of jazz music and I invited her to a Nina Simone tribute at Bohemian Caverns. When I told J he didn't seem too excited. It think it had a lot to do with me ( the perpetually lost person) and her being out there by ourselves. No need to worry now because I got the dates wrong and the show is in August, so crisis adverted. However, it was nice to talk to someone else who shares my appreciation for jazz. I like his mom she's easy to talk to.
Recently I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with J and where it's headed. I like J to the moon and I can honestly see a future with him. But to do that I am going to have to unlearn some defense mechanisms that are runing my chance at happiness. First and foremost I need to get control of my emotions. I have made some of the WORST decisions in my life based off emotions. The next goal is to trust. I have spent the last 4 years living in mistrust. Mistrust of my friends, family, and boyfriends. I have always felt that if I trusted no one then I could keep myself from being hurt. This has backfired. Not trusting has turned me into a parnoid control freak. So the goal is to work on being a better me in the inside!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
I'm in the throes of being an adult, ugh. Today at church the Bishop spoke about having vision and purpose. After the struggle that was the move up here and the celebration has passed, it's time to set a new goal in my professional life and in my personal life. Emotion cannot rule the roost to get there. There needs to be changes made and they started the moment I left church. Actions speak louder than words so I am not going to make a proclamation, lol, I'm just doing.
I ran this morning and I felt amazing. No iPod, just the sound of nature. I think it's time for another 5k. I miss training, it was a therapy of sorts.
I'm off to enjoy my Sunday Funday!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
My season of you is winter
The warmth you brought
Like a warm glow at the end of a cold tunnel
Conversations around the kitchen island
Becoming one on sheets that felt like silk
Heaven in a strange place
Like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon
Becoming a new woman
With every stroke
Letting all fears
Burning up 95
With a smile and an ethereal glow
When I returned
To my dishwater colored existence
Winter is my season of you
Procrastination is an ugly thing. I waited until last night to start my assignments that are due tomorrow and I have a five page paper due. Tomorrow. Tonight is going to be a late night early morning with these books.
The school struggle is real......
Friday, July 13, 2012
Last night, I has some much needed QT with J. He gave me life with the most AMAZING massage! He even had this massage bar from Lush and it smelled heavenly. I returned the favor and I don't need to say what happened next: *cues up "Best Sex I Ever Had.* Things are going nicely with us....he reminded me tonight of the reason I like him so much. He made me laugh, genuine laughs.
My son is FINALLY potty trained AND he stands up to pee!!! The last part was a big deal because when I split with my ex people would lament how we needed to get back together so my son would know how to pee standing up ( I know, right?). I thought him how to aim and to put the seat down!
I am adjusting a lot better to the DMV. I'm planning to do restaurant week up here and I'm excited to try some new food, as there is no shortage of that here.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Your significant other told you that he was going on trip with "the guys" but you discover once he's there you find out he's with a female friend and some other females? I know the female friend so I'm trying to figure out why there was a lie by omission.....very interesting....
Thursday, July 5, 2012
• I will no longer allow myself to get upset when I feel I am not being told the truth. Like my mama says, “Keep on living….” It’s ok to stop playing detective; there is a 98% chance that the truth will come out (….and that is another blog post by itself). Knowing that, in the future, when I am fed a lie, I will simply throw on that face in my profile picture and keep it moving! Life is too short to get your pressure up over someone having a problem with the truth.
• This is the magical time of the month, and I must say that I haven’t had a “Mariah Carey Moment” yet. I think it has to do with the bullet point above. But it’s still early…..lol
• I need a serious facial. My skin is making my heart sad. I have trust issues when it comes to stuff like my skin and hair, so I am trying to find an esthetician up here, but I just keep saying to myself, “ I don’t know her either…..”
• Salmon on the grill is everything!
• Scott Mescudi is no longer my “Boo in my head”. The new title goes to Wale. He made me like men with dreads. I think more than anything I like his voice. It’s everything.