Monday, October 29, 2012

Glass House

Tonight I am going to tell the tale of living in a glass house and throwing a torpedo.

I have a "friend", that met a guy who in my opinion and based on the stories she would tell me did not really like her. He told her often he didn't want a relationship with her and I would see her upset about him. So I'm not gonna lie, I got on my high horse about having a "real boyfriend." In the last two days my mouth has been shut wide open. We are in the middle of a hurricane, and I came home yesterday ( we are roommates until Wednesday) and he was there with ALL his emergency preparedness stuff. When I got up this morning he was helping her put on her rainwear so they could walk her dog and he brought walkie talkies so the could keep in touch ( yeah I know). Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am struggling to get my kids in the car and they are both giving me the "poor unfortunate single mother look." J already let me know there wasn't gonna be any hanging at his house because he wasn't trying to hear a two and eight year old disturb the peace, so we are riding it out just the three of us. J facebooked me to see if I made it to work safe and that was about it. The point I'm making, is I spent all this time passing judgement on someone else's relationship, and mine isn't all that perfect either. I'm not even allowed to tell people who my man is and I will never forget one time before a friend of his came over he told me he was going to just "treat me like a friend" because he didn't want him knowing I was his girl. So, the next time I get ready to throw that stone, I'll be sure to look around....

Things I am Mad About.....

1. I drove to work in a hurricane. 
2. The jokes about my "Imaginary Boyfriend"
3. Dunkin Dounuts is closed
4. My third and final move in the DMV is going to leave me peniless for the next two weeks
5. This hurricane

Luckily I am getting off early, and I am going to take that time to enjoy some wine and take a nap.  Tip of the day: People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  This time, that applies to me.  Which is probably why I am so mad ;)

Friday, October 26, 2012

Sense of Humor*Updated*

*I need glasses....the game isn't until the 18th....I'm looking real crazy right now*

God has a sense of humor and I'm laughing along with Him! So earlier, J told me he was going to the Skins vs Eagles game and I didn't think anything of it (G-Men ALL day!).....until, I saw the date they play: 11/11. I'll let y'all marinate on that. For those playing along at home, that is my birthday. Well, damn. I can't be mad because he's sitting damn near on the field and no normal person would turn that down. So I guess the only Birthday Sex happening around here is a solo mission. It's funny to me because I have been thinking about my walk with God and, um....I am 100% sure fornication is not okay. So basically, God said, "Ma'am, no." It's okay because my friends will be here, so Miss Page won't be lonely. What am I talking about? I have two kids I won't be lonely until 2027,lol.

Thursday, October 18, 2012


I would like to say, being a grownup sucks at times. Things were cruising along for me, and Monday I hit a financial snag. Chunks dad got hurt on his job (that's the story) and now he's not working, so it looks like I'll be taking a little bit of an L. I can still pay my bills and all necessities are covered but I have something big happening in two weeks and I needed that extra. J was able to bail me out, and let me tell y'all, that was awkward because I have a lot of pride and it was a humbling moment for me. Going forth, I am going to be a better steward of my finances, because this is not cool, at all. J is very put together, and I am not trying to become the "messy girlfriend."

Speaking of being a better with my money, I had plans this year to have my birthday party at Stadium, but I think I'm gonna just hold onto my coins. I want to bounce back from this and then I'll worry about a birthday party. Last year, I had a dinner date at PF Changs and that was just fine with me. At this point, I'll take peace and quiet with a glass of wine and some good movies. I will say this, I will be appreciating my trip to CR more than I have been.

Just a small update....thank God tomorrow is Friday!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Leave It All Behind

I feel like I have no blogged in forever, and so much has happened, I don't know where to begin!

Saturday, I had the pleasure of speaking to a group of students about my career in healthcare and how I got there. I was surprised at how open I was and I was really surprised by their multitude of questions. It helped them realize that healthcare is so vast, and it made me realize, that even on an administrative level, my job is important. That day, I also started my first day of my CCNA certification class. It is supposed to prepare me for my exam which I am taking in January. My day was going soooo well, that I decided to hit U street with one of my Meetup friends. This is where shit went left. We had a ball at Marvin's soaking up the atmosphere, then we headed to Patty Boom Boom to dance. I was having a ball, until this asshat decided that he needed to touch my cakes. I understand that it's tight in the club but this was not a "bump-into-you-by-accident" type thing, this was grope. I turned around and told him, using some colorful language not to touch me. His response? "Stupid bitch!" and then it happened. He threw half of his damn drink at me. I'll let y'all absorb that for a minute. All I know is I was cursing like a crazy person while my friend dragged me away to the other side. I was hot. I wanted to hit him, throw my shoe, kick him in the nuts...anything. I was angry and humiliated. We left and got in the car and as I pulled down the visor to check my makeup in the mirror, my friend lamented that worse could happened, hell this is DC. True, but it was just too damn much for me. Does this mean I'll stop going on U street? No. I wasn't in the wrong, but I will be cooling my heels until my birthday.

The next day, I decided to check out a church that one of my carpool buddies recommended. Let me tell you, the church is BEAUTIFUL!!! They had so many interesting ministries, a well organized children's ministry ( I can listen to the WHOLE sermon!!!) and the bookstore was dope. I was ushered to my seat and the praise and worship segment was wonderful. I began to praise God for how far he has brought me and the more I thought about how the Blood has and will cover me I began to thank Him even more. The pastor came up and said, "There is someone who wants to be saved right now..." y'all that person was me. It was on my heart. For the first time in a long time I have everything I have wanted but I still felt empty and you know why? I fell out of relationship with the one who made it possible. I have been so busy trying to keep up with world, I forgot who I serve. I made my way to the alter with tears in my eyes and as I walked it felt as if every burden had been lifted. All that baggage and misery just melted away. I hugged the pastor and cried on his shoulder. It was a purging moment. I let go of all hurt, pain, and disappointment. As I stood and others joined me at the alter I looked on my right, and I there was a friend that I had not seen in years! We hugged and cried at that alter! It was a moment, and I was so happy to see her! What was funny was I was going to call her when I was on my way there but I remembered seeing she was taking a cruise, and I thought she was still on vacation. It's funny how God works. The whole day was beautiful. When I got home, I had a terrible migraine, I took some medicine and laid down. I told J some of what happened the night before, but we kept missing each others calls. He called and facebooked me while I was sleep. When I finally woke up, he was at my door. He was worried and drove over to check on me. Sweetest thing, ever. It was nice of him to make sure I was ok, and I will add him to the list of people I KNOW are gonna come looking for me if I ever come up missing.

Well, tomorrow is another day, I have a little rebound headache so I am headed to bed!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Meetings, Asthma, and Potty Training

Today I was supposed to be off, but an opportunity presented itself. My manager invited me to a meeting regarding the creation of a new position within the department. It went very well, and I am over the moon about what the future may hold.  Of course, I did not have a sitter with such short notice on the holiday, so J stepped in and watched the kids during my meeting. I was grateful for that because this meant a lot to me, and it showed me that he supports my career. The kids like him, and that says something, because after my ex-husband, my daughter liked no one.

Speaking of my daughter, this weekend was a doozie. The transition from summer to fall is always a hard one for an asthmatic. Early Sunday morning, we were preparing to go to church and I noticed she was struggling really hard to breathe. I gave her one breathing treatment and her lungs still sounded like a squeaky rocking chair. I gave her another one and no progress. Immediately, I put her in the car and we rode to the children's hospital. I was nervous because she has never been to any other hospital but CHKD, so I didn't know what to expect. The staff at Inova were wonderful! The nurses and the doctors took very good care of her and eight hours, two breathing treatments, and oral steriods later, she was as good as new.

As far as my son goes, I cannot believe he will be three next month. It feels like Injust brought him home from the hospital. I think it is safe to say he is on the road to being poty trained. I have not bought pull-ups in two weeks!!!!!! The only down side is I am washing bedspreads and sheets every other night because he not completely night trained. It's okay though, whatever it takes to get him using the potty.

I am gearing up for my visit this weekend to a Yoga retreat. In preparation, I have been doing more research on silent retreats and what others experiences have been. I am also working on becoming more organized in my life. I am proud of myself for keeping up with my budget and creating a filing system to help me keep track of various projects I have going. Most of this new found zeal for being organized can be credited to me restarting my ADD medication Concerta. It has really helped me stay on track at work and it amazing how well I follow through with my day to day job duties. There was a time, if something was delegated to me, you could pretty much ensure that it wasn't going to get done. I would get the assignment, push it out of view , daydream, and forget about it until someone asked me about it, and then the scramble would begin. The only downside is my appetite has disappeared. I have lost a substantial amount of weight and while I like it, I don't want to look emaciated. I have incorporated smoothies and fresh veggies ( sugar peas and carrots are my favorite) to keep fuel in my tank. I'm hoping that evens things out.

That's all I have for now.......peace and blessings!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Guess Who's Forehead Doesn't Move?

I did it y'all!  I took the leap and got some botox! It was strange as hell how it ended up happening, but I will say that it was spur of the moment.  One of the girls in plastics came by and told us they were doing some kind of special/party thing in the office, I was at lunch so I said what the hell, I'll go over.  I met a couple of the ladies in the office and the doc, and he asked me if I have ever thought about injectables.  I told him about my "almost botox" experience and we discussed some of my concerns (looking frozen) and what some of my options were.  For my forehead issue, I went with botox and we "rejuvenated" my under eye areas with restylene.  I was told I won't really see the results for a couple of days.  It did not hurt as bad as I thought, they used a little numbing cream and all I felt was 5 little pinches.  The needle near my eyeballs though did freak me out a little bit.  I took a couple of "before" photos and next week I'll take some "afters" and I will let you all know if it's a yay or nay!

Eat, Pray, Love....the DMV Edition

For the past couple of weeks, I have been looking for a place to kind of "unplug."  I love the movie Eat, Pray, Love and the whole premise of leaving everything behind for self renewal. I found a place called Yogaville in Rockingham that I signed up to go to and I am excited.  Its located on a 300 acre farm, and I am going to stay in the Lotus House. I opted to do the Silence Retreat, where I will spend the weekend in silence, only listening.  I think this will be good for me because it will give me a chance to be a better listener internally and externally.  I go next week so I will let you all know how it works out!

Monday, October 1, 2012

It's Monday! My weekend was good, though I did the most on Friday night.  Drinking an entire bottle of champagne is not the move.  I have never been so sick in my life.  I guess I am getting old.  The most important thing I learned this weekend, is that when something good happens to you, not everyone is going to be happy for you.  It's sad, because I want the best for ALL of my friends, and I would hope they want good things for me too.  But for whatever reason this particular friend is not happy and she is showing me in a passive-aggressive fashion, and you all know I don't do passive-aggressive.  I am too old for that.

I don't know what is going on with me and J.  I guess things are ok, but this weekend anger ensued when I made a crack about him going to see his ex girlfriend for the weekend (aka "his unicorn").  I was just joking but he took it serious, so we worked through that.  Then this morning I get a call asking if I had been going through his phone and did I call one of his friends.  Now if there is one thing EVERYONE knows about Miss Page, is I do not play on anyone's phone.  I have had it done to me, I hate it, and I think it is a bad idea all around.  For the record, on my children's lives, I did not call his friend, but it did make me wonder who did.

For the first time in months, last night I cried myself to sleep, while listening to "Someday W'ell All Be Free" on repeat.  Not to be morbid, but I can't lie, I will be happy when I am done with the troubles of the world (please put that on my funeral program....please and thank you, lol).  I wish I was just more comfortable with myself and I am starting to think that moment may never come.  No matter how many pills I take, how much therapy I go to, it's not happening for me.  As I lay in bed, Donnie's words enveloping my broken heart, I wondered how he felt when he jumped from the ledge.  This man had a beautiful voice and unspeakable talent and he still couldn't find his peace.  I am in the same place right now.  Standing on the ledge.  I have so much to live for, but there is a part of me that is hurting so bad I just want to hit that reset button.  I wish there was such a thing as second chances.  So many things I would have done differently.  All of my poor decisions have left their indelible mark on my life.  Nobody is checking for the clinically depressed girl with self-esteem issues.  I feel like that dented can in the back of the supermarket, 50% off. You want it because it's a deal, but you don't really want it.  Ugggggghhhh.....I am praying everyday for a change.  I don't want anymore meds, I want organic happiness.  I want organic sleep.  I want to feel good on my own.