Monday, August 29, 2011

Five Steps

I looked at my calender this evening and realized that I have a whopping five more weeks until I can file for divorce. I never thought this day would come. As "fun" as it was being married to El Douchebag, I have to say I am happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. Don't get me wrong we had some good times together and the best thing to come from our marriage was our son. The truth of the matter is E.D. ( I can't keep typing that) liked the idea of being married, but he didn't know what it took to be a husband. He hadn't mastered providing and protecting his family. If I had a dime for every time he left us flapping in the wind I would be a millionaire right now. I am not without fault, I should have known better. I married E.D. because I was feeling so much heartbreak from being jilted at the alter by The Good Reverend Doctor. I wish I knew then that my heart would heal and I would get past that. But I didn't. I settled for the first thing that winked at me because after suffering that type of public humiliation I wanted people to see that I was still worth marrying. Long story short, it blew up in my face.

What I am focused on now is rebuilding my life. The first step is learning how to date. I will admit I don't know how. I meet a man, like him, and start picturing forever. That is no way to live. That leads to settling. Does anyone have any advice? I am completely lost at that subject. The second step is getting to where I need to be in life. For the last 10 years I have had a bunch of dreams, but now it is time to turn these into goals. My first goal is to rid myself of any manner of public assistance I am on by the time I am 31 (November). I have already chunked the deuces to SNAP and I am kicking Child care assistance out the door too. I have been doing this for over a year and it is time I learned to stand on my own to. My fight is gone. There was a time when I would grind hard to get what I want but it seems like I have just laid down and took a break. Second order of business is to find a CAREER. I have had a string of jobs but I want a career. I am not getting any older and I don't want to be working while I am in my 70's because I never had a stable job that allowed me to save for retirement. I am just tired of the way that I am living and I left E.D. so I could pursue my life free of the drama that he brought and it's time for my pity party to cease and I need to get on with living my best life!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Good Night Irene

The title of this blog and the subject matter have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to say that lol.

Grow the Hell Up

I talked to my ex-husband today. We spoke on the matter of him not paying child support. I discovered two little nuggets of information. 1) He has been working all this time and STILL wasn't paying. Who does that? You know I was mad as hell 2) He got fired from that job for......fighting. Yes, you read that right. Fighting. What 40 year old man gets fired for fighting on the job? You know I am not necessarily in love with my job, but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I am not going to jeopardize that for anyone. I come to work to do my job and make money, end of story.

Thank God For Male Friends

So I ran my little dilema by my male friend Sam, and he gave me some good advice. You can't go accusing someone without proof. You can go with your gut and walk away, but to accuse without proof makes you look a little cray-cray. I wish I would have asked his advice before acting the donkey. Hey, you live and you learn.

Do the Hurricane

So as we all may know there is a hurricane headed for the area I am in. I have waffled back and forth about whether I would evacuate or stay. I am choosing to stay because I don't live in a low-lying area. I stocked up on all my supplies and me and Chunk are ready. Miss Beasley is vacationing in Alabama (jealous) so when the ish hits the fan it will be just me and the boy. You know what I am really scared of? The power and cable going out. I think hell is having to tend to an attention starved one year old while there is no power on. How is he gonna go to sleep without his white noise maker? How will I keep him calm by turning on Yo Gabba Gabba. This will be my greatest mothering challenge to date.

I will certainly update everyone on how we made out!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hit Dogs Holler

The dating world is no crystal much has happened in the last week! They are just dropping like flies around here. Remember Georgia? Yeah, that's over. Grand Opening, Grand Closing. A few weeks ago, Georgia came over and we were making jokes about who had "boos" on facebook. Well, out of the blue he says, "I don't even KNOW 'blah-blah' she added me as a friend and she is always commenting on my statuses but I have no idea who she is." You know what bothers me? I never even brought up her name. I was speaking in generalities but he was speaking specifics. I brushed it off and I didn't think anything of it until I got a very disturbing inbox message from a girl claiming to be in a relationship with him (second one this month) and she was able to describe details of my life that only he would know. I was livid. He is a mild mannered person so I didn't want to end up saying some crazy shit so I turned my phone off for the night, sat around and decided I would ask him about it the next day. Well the next day comes and when I ask him about it he says he has no idea who wrote that, and he would never tell anyone my business. What I didn't hear him say is he is not in a relationship with someone. Put a pin in that. So as the days go by I start to notice he doesn't text as much, I get a good morning text and that is about it. When we first met we would text each other all the time and he would text me to say good night and it was like after the first inbox fiasco it just stopped. Am I being paranoid? Is there any merit to this? I just don't know what to think. He said he's a good guy, but anyone who knows me knows that I have a history of picking out "good guys" who end up being wolves in sheep's clothing. What I don't want is to resolve to believe him and then end up looking dumb as hell when I go on FB and see that he is "in a relationship with 'blah-blah'" and 52 people like it. That really has happened to me if you cared to know. After sending a series of thirst text and messages I am done. I keep telling myself that ultimately he will end up ringing my doorbell at 1 am and I won't care. I just need that time to hurry up and get here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Being Interested vs. Being Dehydrated

Well, I decided to give my number to a gentleman I met and.....whomp, whomp, whomp. I just can't y'all. He seemed ok at first, we conversed a little bit via facebook and he gave me his number. I was not going to call or text, but this morning I said, "What the hell. Just text him and see what's up". This ladies and gentlemen is where shit went left. The conversation was going well until he did the ULTIMATE no-no in my book. He asked me a question that I ABSOLUTELY hate. He asked me to "send him a pic". When I read that I wanted to throw my phone in the trash and runaway like Kanye did in the beginning of his short film. If you are already my friend on facebook, why in the hayle do you need a picture of me in your phone? I may be wrong, but 99% of mobile phones have access to the Internet. If you want to look at a picture of me go on your mobile facebook. I have about 50-11 pictures of me there. Pictures of me pregnant, not pregnant, long hair, short hair, curly hair, work clothes, club clothes, it's all there. Furthermore, most of these phones sync your FB contacts so if you want to see my face when the phone rings, it's there.

This thirsty behavior must stop. Today. Being thirsty and being interested are two different things. When I am interested in someone, I am going to have meaningful conversation and take my time to find out if this person fits my criteria. The last thing I want is a "angling" photo sent to me. I am not going to send text proclaiming I "miss" someone I didn't even know a week ago. That shit is plain weird. So needless to say this gentleman is not going to make the cut, his facebook deletion and android blacklisting are happening tonight.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Table For One.......

Date Night: Table for One

Tonight I did something I have not done in a long time. I took myself on a date. I went to see the movie "The Help" and it was amazing. I won't talk much about the movie here, but all I can say is please have some tissues ready. I am sure there are some that looked at my status update regarding my date night and thought I was doomed to die alone surrounded by my 75 cats. There were some positives to taking myself on a date.

  • I got to see the movie I wanted to see. I love dramas and romantic comedies. Most of the men that I have dated are mainly into action movies. Can I take this time to say say how much I HATE action movies. The concept of buildings blowing up and all that is just not my thing. I could just imagine going on a date and having the guy complain about seeing a "chick flick". Return of the Planet of the Apes or whatever was showing and I didn't want to hear about how that movie would be greater than The Help. I like what I like, sue me.
  • No seating issues. It was packed! I did not anticipate that many people being there and I was happy to be a party of one because finding a single seat was easy.
  • No timing issues. I was originally supposed to go to the 4:30 show, but I have kids and in preparing them to go to my mom's house I ran behind. For once I didn't have to go through the drama and stress of sending a plethora of text messages explaining why I was running behind and I changed showtimes with ease.
I am not saying I will never go on another date, it is just that I when I am looking forward to something sometimes it's better if I go on a solo mission instead of making it a duo which brings me to my next point....

A Date? What's That

It seems in my age group, men have forgotten what it means to go on a date. Lately I have been getting request from some of my gentlemen callers to "hang out". What in the fresh hell is that? You "hang out" when you are 18 years old...we are 30+, there is no hanging out. I am not getting a sitter so I can sit at your house watching the latest on Redbox, No I want to go on a date. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Hell, I will take some ColdStone (LOVE strawberry cheesecake ice cream) and a walk on the beach. I like little outdoor concerts. The point is, I can stay at home on my own. I don't need a second party for that. So a tip for the fellows....if you are texting asking when can you "see me" or when are we gonna "hang out", I will have no response. Ever.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Somebody Pass Me Some Aquifina, STAT!

You know, the dating game is like the lottery. You don't know if you are gonna win or lose. Right now, I am on a straight up losing streak.

Inbox Fuckery

Today I was minding my business, having the best day ever, chopping it up on Facebook and then I get message, and it went something like this:

Random Chick: Hi, I was wondering how you knew "blah blah blah".

Me: Oh we are friends

RC: Oh, well I noticed that you comment and like a lot of his statuses and I just wanted to come to you woman to woman (ha!) to ask you what was up.

Me: Ok

RC: He and I are kinda talking and I would appreciate if you stopped chasing after him (LMAO!!!).

Me: I'm not chasing after him, just commenting on a friends status

RC: Well I am trying to be with him and it just makes it uncomfortable

Me: Wow, ok......

Ladies and Gentleman welcome to my life. First of all, ladies and gentlemen, the Facebook stalking of people that you are involved with/sleeping with/obsessed with needs to stop. Who does that? My pride is too high to let myself sink to such dehydrated levels. Even if I felt some kind of way I could never let another female see my insecurities. She probably thought she laid down the law, but no boo-boo, I'm laughing at you. As far as "blah blah blah" goes, he obviously has a taste for messy, thirsty women so he's no better.

Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

On Tuesday I had my day in court with my ex husband, El Douchebag. Because he has been ducking the child support people for the last 4 months I didn't even know where he was. So I was surprised when he showed up. Ultimately we went through a mediator and he will get 4 hours every other week supervised visitation. Works for me. Now lets see if he pays his child support.

Decency and Order

I am on a quest to become more organized in my life. I have created a binder divided with all off the different areas in my life. This way when I need a certain piece of paperwork it's available instead of me having to hunt it down all over my house.

Anchors Aweigh!

It's funny how God works. I went to a temp agency on Tuesday to see about getting another job lead and I ended up with the sweetest recruiter ever. She offered to go over my resume and make it shipyard friendly. She also gave me contacts to all the major places that do hiring for shipyards. If you are from the area I am you know that type of info is like GOLD. I told her I felt bad applying with people who were my former competitors but she assured me that in the ship repair industry it is common to leave one place and go to a competitor as long as you didn't sign a non compete agreement. I never did so I am basically a free agent.

Things are chugging along tremendously and I hope they stay that way. I am ironing out some things in my life and getting things in order. Hopefully this season of sad events is over!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Flowers for the Living

The past weekend was just amazing. My little sister came to visit from Tennessee and we had a ball. We have had our bumps and bruises in our relationship but nothing is better than watching that relationship repair and renew itself. We shopped, laughed and talked about my foray into the dating world. She did spend a lot of time with her boyfriend while she was here but that was fine by me. My sister is a wonderful woman and I have watched her on her journey to find the "right one" and I think she has. I hope to be going to a wedding and then finally accomplishing that goal of becoming an aunt! Oh, that's my dream....not her' Her boyfriend makes her happy and when she's happy, I am happy.

I have always heard the phrase in church, "Give people the flowers while they are living" and I never knew what that meant until today. My Godbrother and I have not seen each other since I was a toddler and we finally re-connected via Facebook. I swear by our conversations that we were the same person. I was anticipating meeting him at the end of August and I just wanted to chill with him, listen to music and have conversation (build). My mom came by my house today and delivered some bad news: He is a diabetic and this weekend his blood sugar got too high and that caused him to go into a diabetic coma. I am just crushed. I have a bad habit of not staying in touch with people. I was supposed to call him last month to talk about the details me coming to visit, but I got busy with my day to day life and kept putting it off. I feel like crap. I wish I have taken the time and just talked with him for at least 5 minutes to let him know that I thought he was awesome and he really kept my self esteem on 1,000 million on days when I felt unpretty. But I am here hurting because I let that chance slip away. If he makes it through this I promise to call him and I am DEFINITELY coming to see him. You never know what is going to happen to someone from one day to the next so treat everyday like a gift and treasure those special relationships.

I found a solution for Beasley's shyness. I enrolled her into Tae kwando classes last week. She had her first class on Saturday and she seems to love it! I can see my baby become another person on that mat. She looks so determined and focused it's just amazing. I am chomping at the bit to get Chunky started. My sister's only question was when were my lessons going to start because these two would soon be tag teaming me.

Tomorrow is my custody hearing for my son. I initiated this in hopes that his father would try to establish a relationship with him. It makes me sad to know that the odds of him showing up for this hearing are non existent. He has allowed his disdain over paying (or not paying) child support interfere and therefore he and Chunky's relationship will suffer. But it's all good I put it in God's hands and I know He will make it alright.