Sunday, April 29, 2012

Mission Accomplished!

I just want to start off by saying, I am feeling amazing right now! This morning it went down.....I ran my first 5k race and it was EVERYTHANG!!!!!!!! I was a bundle of nerves this morning when J and I left the house, I barely could hold a conversation. When we got to the site, I met with my running group and found my running buddy. She was super sweet and eveyone offered me advice for my run. I kept reminding myself not to sprint and to remember pace was the name of the game. The first mile was a little rough because I was at a slower pace, but around mile two, I picked up the pace and that his when "the feeling" and my playlist found their groove. "Kind of Like a Big Deal" kicked on at the most perfect moment. I got to an incline and remembered to keeps my knees up. Coming down the incline after that felt amazing. The next 1.5 miles were cake. I crossed the finish line and the feeling was sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! After I finished, I felt like a million dollars, until I had to throw up. The few times I have thrown up in public, I have been, ahem, intoxicated, so I didn't really care where it was going down. This time I remembered it was not "dollar vodka" night at Crazy Charlies. As I looked for a decent place to be sick, I look out of the corner of my eye and over the strains of Wale's "No Better," I hear J call my name and I ran and hugged him with everything I had. He got a good picture of me crossing the finish line. After getting my complimentary banana and water we headed home and I gave him all the highlights. I appreciated him coming out and supporting me. So now I am gonna soak up a little more time with J and then I'm headed back to be with my babies. I won't lie I miss the both of them to the moon!

Friday, April 27, 2012


My interview with the hospital went really well. I hope to hear from them this week. Once all this is said and done I will be pleased because relocation is like a roller coaster. Overall, I am staying optimistic.

Tomorrow I have to go back in the city to get my race packet, but thank God J is driving since the traffic up here is like, whoa. We are supposed to check out the Bob Marley movie tomorrow, it should be dope.

Well, off to HGTV, cotton candy, and warm hugs......peace.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Better Days

Today has been a most excellent day. J and I talked last this morning about yesterday's events and we're good. The lesson learned is: In order to move forward, I am going to need to leave some of my Louis Vuitton trunks behind. No, really. When we react based on past hurt, guess who wins? The person who hurt you. I'm not letting ghosts of boyfriends past kill my future.

I am proud to announce that I am blogging whilst wearing a pair of size 10 pants....that aren't tight. *throws glitter* Hitting my weight loss goals feels amazing! Most importantly my knee is feeling relief from the loss of 16 pounds. I still need help with my eating habits. In due time....

In Relocation 2012 news, I knocked down another thing fromy "to do" list. I found a few daycares for Chunky and the prices differ only a small amount. What I was looking for was availability. I did not want to be all last minute and get hit with the two words I hate: waiting list. So I have options, which is a good thing. Hopefully when I come back this time I will have a solid answer from the Hospital, if not the Fairfax job is still on and I'm still sending resumes.....I'm focused.

Well time to sneak in some studying before the magic hour.....peace.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Poker Face

I have no poker face. Because I have no poker face I am 99% sure I'm going to coming to an episode of Hoaders or Intervention near you in about 20 years. Today I got on Instagram to upload some fresh paint and smack dab on my feed is a picture of a pretty girl and the caption was "surrounded by success." I scrolled a little further and saw that J posted this picture. Have you ever been in such shock your appetite leaves and you can't hear? Yeah that was me. Hot tears began to fill my eyes, I used all my eye muscles to keep them from falling, because I have on liquid liner and there was no need to be upset and look like a raccoon. I tried to rationalize but I just couldn't. J has not never acknowledged me on anyone's social media. He was irritated when I tagged him with me at the mall. I tried to make sense of it. I messaged him, he said she was a friend and he would never do something that hurtful. I believe him, but you know what this showed me? My heart is still a open wound. Either that, or there is something wrong with me that I can't trust. Who even knows anymore. The silver lining is today is a gym day so I can go cry on the treadmill lol. I really liked J but I know there is only so much a man is gonna tolerate and it's safe to say I have done the most.....soooooo this is the part where I *Kanye shrug*

Sunday, April 22, 2012


* I follow Beyonce's tumblr. It's not so much for her, I just think her and Jay-Z have such a cute relationship and it's nice to see her in a different format

* I am addicted to Gold Canyon ( Google it). The scents are AMAZING and my pod warmer is EVERYTHING!

*I'm STILL eating marshmellow peeps....feel free to stand in judgment lol

*I am my own worst critic

* I need to get my behind back in church. If I knew the Word, I wouldn't be so quick to fall apart or get angry.

* My baby sister is embarking on something big and I am so happy for her! Love is beautiful when you find that right one.

*  My diet and my training don't match up. I am working on getting into the mindset that food is fuel and if I want my runs to progress it's not going to happen on a steady diet of half and half and all fried everything. Mission for the month of May: Try tofu and start crossfit (yikes!)

* I need to get used to being in a couple. Foreign Exchange is playing the Capitol Jazz festival and I made plans to go solo because typically men I have dated before never had any interest of doing anything that required no more than netflix and Chinese takeout. So I made lone ranger plans. Well J let me know he felt some kind of way I didn't ask. I really need to change my thinking because hindsight, I know he would enjoy and he wants to enjoy it WITH. Miss Page. it

Friday, April 20, 2012

Reasonable Doubt

I got good news today, I passed my test for the Fairfax County position and I have been scheduled for my polygraph and background check. This is the last step to be completed before I am hired. I also got an offers from Georgetown and that made me feel good. The only thing bothering me is what I would be giving up. I have a great support system here, and when I move all of that disappears. Starting fresh is always nice but I am afraid of being alone in a new city.  I am an introverted person and it has been hard for me to make new friends. To combat this I am going to find some business before I get there. I am going to get more involved with BGR and I have already put out feelers for a reading club. I know you all are wondering about J, but the truth is I can't stay up under him all the time. J is 30 with no kids so I doubt he wants to spend his evenings listening to Chunk have a tantrum while I beg my kids to eat their dinner. He lives a very fabulous life and sometimes I feel like I will never fit into that equation. So, plan is to keep my calendar full and my spirits high.


I'm SUPER early to my testing for Fairfax county, and I'm going to blog to kill some time.

The struggle to get up here was real. Between losing my debit card and all the traffic I was on edge. When I got to J's my mission was to take a shower and eat. He was going out and I wasn't bothered at all I needed rest. We had pizza and wings ( because I was not in the mood to go anywhere) and we talked about the interviews and he made me laugh with his stories. Everything felt easy. Later that night when he got back I curled up in his arms and y'all for the first time in a long time I felt safe. I'll say it once and I'll say it again, I love that I don't have to "save" J. He's got his stuff in order. Besides that, he's been extremely supportive and gives me a little pep talk when I feel a little down... and he survived 2 rounds of PMS ....applaud that man y'all lol.

Well, time to bang this exam out and slay my interview later.....I'll let you all know how it goes.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Double For Your Trouble

I'm twirling y'all! I have been preparing the last week for the public safety testing on Friday and it's been stressful. Combine that with PMS and training for the 5k next weekend (yikes!), it's safe to say I have a full plate. Today my hormones got the best of me and I went all emo this morning. I know y'all saw it on Facebook lol. So while I was caught up in emotions taking me over, I got a call from a University Hospital in DC about an interview. My frown was turned upside down immediately! So my Friday is going to be nothing but grind. The hospital position is a panel interview and I'm a little nervous, but I remember what my sister said: "They called you obviously they are interested so if any thing they should be nervous." I'm feeling extra blessed right now. What started as a thought is now in motion. I called a real estate agent today to start finding some places that are available. The rent should only be 200-300 more a month, but my salary increase will more than enough.

I want to ask all my ladies how do you deal with PMS? I don't like the person I become one week out of the month. J is understanding, but after awhile it's going to put a strain on things.

What started as a frustrating day has turned into one of positivity. Time for some shut eye because after I get off work, I'm hitting 95 with success and loving( hey I'm human) on my mind...good night!

The Lotto

I usually don't blog at work (the filters won't let me be great!!!) but I'm coming to live via iPod. This morning J and I had another one our insightful conversations, and we circled back around to the subject of "the lotto." J said awhile back that men really don't have a "plan" to finding the "one" they want to spend forever with. It's kind of like they wake up and decide "I'm gonna keep her, or she's got to go!" I guess I understand why I got jilted in 08...Rev woke up and decided he just didn't see it for Miss Page. While appreciate this info it has made me anxious as hell. According to that theory you should keep your wall up until you know you "won." But is that really living? Being afraid at any moment you can be tossed out? Certainly food for thought. Navigating this relationship stuff is scary as fuck. I hate rejection and I hate having my heart stepped on then handed back to me. So what I want to know, is it worth allowing yourself to fall when you KNOW there is a possibility you can get the Lamar Odom treatment on any given day?

Now that's out of the way, let me get some work done...ATCQ on Pandora to get me through the day....peace.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Today, again it hit me that I, Victoria Page am parent. A real deal, mama. When did this happen? Sure, I have been a parent for almost nine years, but tonight it hit me that the old Victoria who could drink you under the table and partied to the sun came up is gone. One glass of wine and I'm tipsy and if I'm up when the sunrises it means Chunk decided he wanted his apple juice with a little ambiance. I was joking with J about us going "out" when I come up, but to be honest I don't really want to. I go to J's to rest. It's something he indulges me in. I wake up when I want and ahem, how I want. I eat my breakfast while it's still hot, I can complete a sentence without screaming, "GET DOWN FROM THERE! YOU'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!" and best of all, I get to run outside. I do all thing's I took for granted when I was baby free. Don't get it twisted, I LIVE for my babies. When I feel like I don't have a reason to live they remind me that I do. Sometimes I miss the old me, but then I'm reminded of Lot's wife. Looking back will keep you stagnant. So, I'm embracing my mama-ness and looking toward watching these two beautiful children grow!

Friday, April 13, 2012

One Day It Will All Make Sense

First let me say to Baby Sister and Red Velvet: I saw where y'all called and I am going to call back in the morning when I am in a better place. I love you two :)

Today has been hell. I just wish I could have hit the reset button. The morning started out ok, but after 8:20 shit went left. I love where I work but I have a huge problem when management blurs the line with fraternizing with their staff. There are issues that need to be dealt with and my manager is more interested in going to happy hour with my co-worker. Normally I don't care about things like this but it's killing the morale in my department.

Facebook and that little side newsfeed is the devil. A level 10 Mariah Carey moment almost ensued. That is all I will say about that.

My mama is not on board with the NOVA move and she is letting me know by giving me all the shade she can serve. It shouldn't bother me but it does and I can't help it. I support the things she wants to do but I don't get the same. Surprisingly,  my dad and sister have been supportive and have cheered me on.

Tomorrow I am going to have to do something that is going to test my humility.  In this past month I have learned that my possessions do not make me. If I have to make an adjustment to keep from going under financially, then so be it. I AM ENOUGH!

So I all of these things and the emotions that came with them crept into my space and turned me into a Stinkmeaner-Kid Cudi hybrid. I was crying in my car on the way home but I also felt like beating a car with an umbrella whilst hurling obscenities.

The only bright spot in this day is I wore a pair of size 10 pants and they were not tight. So there's the silver lining... I guess.

I am praying tomorrow is a better day because today was just too damn much.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Visualization and Fruition

I was invited back for the second round of testing for the job in Northern Virginia! I got the email tonight and I am ELATED!!!!! With this elation, I have some trepidation, because this is all happening so fast. I knew there was a possibility, but I didn't know it would come so soon. It's funny, because a few nights ago I dreamt I was there and my children were laughing, and playing.....and I was enjoying them. My bills were paid and we had extra and I didn't have to say "no" all the time. My career was blossoming and so was I. I want this so bad. I know it is popular opinion that I have been dickmatized (lol) and I'm moving to be closer to J, but that couldn't be further from the truth. J and I always had an understanding that we were in a long distance relationship and we would talk relocation as we progressed. Moving is bigger than that. This is my chance to make things better for myself and my kids. I wouldn't have to be so reliant on the child support that I get. This is about my freedom. I hate calling every two weeks to double check to see if "he's sent the money." I'm excited.....even if this isn't it, it's given me confidence to keep pushing. Tonight though, I'm celebrating by sipping a little wine and watching a documentary about the struggles of opening a new restaurant. What a wonderful day this has been.....

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Random: Brain Dump Vol.1

* I cannot study fast enough for this CCNA. While I love learning, this stuff is dry....but when I get down, I think about my bank account having six digits without the

* The running struggle is real. I have two weeks until the 5k. At this point, my goals are to have fun and to do my best. This week I am running EVERYDAY so I can get my stamina up.

*My hair just I am really ready to get past TWA status. Right now I am in a in between phase and I am just waiting for enough length for a little braid out. Patience and the Digital Curls blog is what I have been using to keep me on track.

* My NOVA job search is going well. I'm getting positive feedback, but im still feeling like Memphis Bleek--one hit away. Again, patience is key here.

* I miss J. I know this is cliche, but he's more than my man, he's my friend. I feel comfortable talking to him and we just have a good time together and he keeps me smiling.

* I am going to call Direct Tv and ask can I just get the WE channel because apparently these days all I'm watching is Frasier reruns....and that's fine.

*Marshmallow Peeps are everything.

* It's funny how I became a better  cook in a year. While at J's I made macaroni and cheese and banana pudding. I am gonna toot my own horn and say I put it down! Extreme sidenote: We went to Wegmans and got this crazy expensive wild caught salmon and it was EVERYTHING!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Cotton Candy Peeps!!!!!

This Easter weekend has been a nerve-wracking one. I still enjoyed it though because I got to spend it with my family.

My interview/testing is tomorrow. I am nervous, but in a weirdly "good nervous." J took me on a little tour of the area and I found a couple of areas I really liked. He showed me the elementary school in the area, it was enormous! I am visualizing Miss Beasley going made me happy.

Well I am taking it easy tonight and I am not staying up too late. This was a great weekend and here's to more!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Time After Time

Today was an emotional roller coaster. Interview jitters set in, along with some other issues and I became a weepy wreck in the privacy of my office. J immediately picked up on it and he gave me a pep talk and basically reminded me that God is still on the throne and that he believed in me. It made me feel good that I could drop my "everything is fine" facade and be 100% honest. It was comforting to have a safe place to express myself. I'm telling y'all, I picked a winner. Needless to say I got back to business and began to do what I have always believed. The power of life and death is in the power of your own younger, I am am speaking my relocation and that position into existence.

After a four day absence from running I returned today with a little trepidation . I was worried that I would hop on the treadmill and the winded, broke down runner that I was in the beginning. The devil is a liar! Honey lambs, I DESTROYED that run!!! Around the 1.25 mile I began to catch "that feeling" and I was up to 4.1 mph and running a 14 minute mile pace. I threw EVERYTHING I had into that run. I felt amazing when I finished and a lot of my anxiety melted away. Running has now become a permanent part of my life.

Before I close for the night, I want to make a PSA. Coke Zero is the devil in a black dress. I thought because it was a diet soda it was caffeine free. I keep a stash in my desk at work and would consume about four cans during my work day. Monday I ran out of them and around lunch time I got the headache from hell. This headache lasted for three days and finally I called my doctor and got a prescription for fioricet. The fioricet worked, but I wanted to know what happened to cause these headaches. I never thought about caffeine withdrawal because coke zero couldn't possibly have caffeine because it's diet. Wrong. I scoured the label and saw nothing stating they were caffeine free. Needless to say, I will not be consuming and more sodas. Water with the occasional squirt of Mio is ok for me.

Well tomorrow is Friday and I am ready to kick back, enjoy Easter with my kids, see J and whoop tail in my interview! Good night and God bless!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Gather 'Round Hustlers

Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh! That's how I am feeling right now. I am a ball of emotions and right now the main one is anxious. I have so much on my plate and I am starting to feel the pressure. I have this testing for a life changing position on Monday, which I have been or acting for the panel interview like crazy. I spent all day today obsessing over what I would wear, how to do my makeup and should I wash and wear the fro or not. I backslid and took an Ativan because I felt a panic attack on the horizon. On top of that, I have not run in 4 days and I am full of pent up energy aaaannndd I need to get my brows waxed because TWA + ungroomed brows = hot mess.

In positive news, I dusted myself off and went over the massacre that was my first CCNA assessment. I went over the questions I got wrong and went back to ready WHY they were wrong. I'm a fighter and I am not going to be defeated by some missed test questions. Coming back faster and stronger is my strong point.

So, that pretty much sums up where I am right now. I keep reminding myself that this part of something bigger that I can't see yet and God has the FINAL say.....

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Onward and Upward

I haven't been very vocal about this on my blog, but I have made a decision to relocate. I love home, but with my divorce final, I am looking to make a fresh start. Last year I toyed with the idea of joining my sister in Tennessee, but I couldn't catch a break there and I settled into my position at the hospital. But something changed. I fell in love with Northern Virginia. I love that suburbia still exsist there and the schools are really good. I also love all the IT positions available and the salaries are a lot higher.  The only draw is the cost of living is 15% higher there. For the last few weeks I have been papering every major health system,  county government, and government contractor with my resume and I am seeing AMAZING results. In one week alone I have had one phone interview, my resume forwarded to a hiring manager and today, by letter I was invited to test for a position with Fairfax County. A part of me is excited and the other part of me is nervous. Moving to a new city is a huge undertaking. I am ready for the challenge because I am ready for a fresh start. Whatever may happen I know it's part of God's will and it will be another growing experience.

Things with J and I are just blossoming beautifully. He's so different from the usual. He's warm, caring, and supportive. While we lay together this week I think of the times I would gently rub his arm and he would rub back. This may seem small to most but it meant something to me. It was the sign of intimacy that I've waited for. That is one of the things I love about our relationship. He knows I am a very sexual woman but he also satisfies my need to connect on another level.  He challenges me through conversation. He's interested in all of Miss Page not just her Hello Kitty.

Funny how time changes things a year ago I was laid off, things were looking so bleak and God turned everything around for me. I could never in a million years describe how grateful I am. So, now I sit and watch what He's going to do next.....