Monday, December 26, 2011

Holiday Fun

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, I know I did!

The best thing I liked about this holiday is I spent quality time with my family in a way I have not been able to in the last few years. It reminded me how much I'm loved and how much I love my family.

The rest of my week is going to be spent preparing to go to DC for Big Night.  I know Big Night is going to be a blast, but I am really excited for my sightseeing date. I got a new camera for Christmas, and I can't wait to use it.

That's all for now, I'm going back to work tomorrow so it's back to the grind!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Things to Do

It's almost the end of the year and I have decided instead of making a list of empty resolutions, I am making a "to do" list.  So what's on my "to do" list? Here's a few things:

Start a Roth IRA
I'll be honest, I don't want to work forever.  When my children are grown I want to travel. When I say travel I don't mean for a week or two, I mean months at a time.  I'm getting my "Eat, Pray, Love" on. That is going to take money so I want to make sure I have more than enough. So armed with my 401(b) let the savings games begin!

Start Running
I have not been taking care of my health the way I should have. In my pursuit to get happy, I have picked up some extra weight. Not much, but what is more disturbing than the weight gain is the inability to run up my stairs or even after my son. I want some energy and a way to relieve stress and running will help with that.  I am going to start participating in Black Girls Run more often along with joining the YMCA.

Create a Budget--and stick to it
Do you know I spend $200 a month on eating out? I sat down last week and wrote out ALL my expenses. I came to the conclusion I do a lot of emotionally based spending.  I buy wine because it's been a long week, expensive nail polish because I'm happy, an expensive meal because I'm feeling ballerific. Those things are nice but so is having extra money.  I can still treat myself but not so often.

These are some of my "to do's" of 2012, how about you?

Saturday, December 17, 2011


It's another Saturday night and I'm doing my usual: playing in nail polish, sipping sweet Chardonnay, listening to smooth jazz.

I have been trying to be reserved about it, but I am really over the moon about spending time with my friend. In the past I have found that he is easy to talk to, intelligent, and has a wonderful sense of humor. We talked on the phone last night, and the rest of the night my heart was smiling and so was I. This will not be our first date, the first was in 1998. He asked me to his senior cruise and I accepted, but was floored because I couldn't see myself as someone a guy like him would wanna date. He was a gentleman the entire night, which was rare for 18 year old back then lol. So here we are 12 years shocked, him being a gentleman. Funny how life is. I ran my first mile today and I hurt like the Dickens, so I'm going to end this post before the flexaril kicks in. Xoxo! c

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Fattening the Frog..

I'm in a mood today y'all.  You know earlier when I talked about being a human band aid? I have a cautionary tale about being one.

What the hell is up with all the former "players" I used to date getting married? I have been on Facebook this week and a majority of them are now married or getting married.  I feel some kind of way since I wasted a lot of time trying to get them together and see the benefit of committing. Oh no, they wanted to be manwhores till they died...I can't help but to feel I fattened the frog for the snake....sheesh.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Passenger Seat

A few nights ago, my mother and I were on the phone talking about relationships and I began to talk about my history of picking losers. While I was pontificating, I realized why I pick these men: it's what I am used to seeing.  In my parents marriage,  my mom does EVERYTHING. Sure, my father works and brings home the bacon, my mother is the one who makes things happen. If something ever happened to my mom I don't know what would happen to him. Most of the men I've dated and married were like this. If they were down and out, Victoria was there to pick you up. You don't have a job? I'm gonna find you one. No place to stay? Come live with me--rent free. You don't have a car? You can use mine. I have come to understand I am not a human band aid. The problem is how my "Captain Save a Ninja" lifestyle has made it hard for me to date men who have it together. I am so used to having some kind of "project " I don't know how to chill and enjoy the ride. I have a friend that I am meeting in DC for Big Night, and I fretted about all the details silently in my head. But he has it all put together, and that's without my help. That's what real men do. They handle their business no matter how big or small. So you know what? Miss Page is gonna get out of the "fixer-upper" business and go with "no assembly required." bri

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Just To Get By....

Today a friend and spoke about how great it feels to go through hell and come out on top. My mind flashed back to this picture I took during the summer. It's no secret that I've battled with depression, but I remember over the spring and summer having to take those pills just so I could get through the day without breaking down. I'm down to one pill (celexa) and when I look at this picture, I think about how far God has brought me....and it feels so good.

Church, Baby Showers, and Cuppy cakes

I finally joined the app revolution and downloaded the blogger app , so I can blog anywhere! All Victoria all the time lol.

Church was amazing this morning! The pastor preached about the ministry of faith. The point that stuck out the most for me was the Focus of faith. In the past three weeks I have been distracted in matters of my faith. Moreso last week when my mind went back to an old love five years ago that broke my heart. I got a little too wrapped up in that and for a few days I lost focus that God is a healer of broken hearts and He can heal mine. My true love is out there and what I need to do is focus on the joy of my future and not the pain of the past.

I went to a baby shower for my neighbor yesterday. It was a good time with good people. My favorite part was the cuppycake cake! How much did I like the cuppycake? I went knocking on her door around 10 asking if she had any left....straight crack lol.

As we all may remember from last year, my cooking kinda sucked. But I must say it is getting way better! Last week I made some chicken strips from a recipe from my sister.  When she made them they were WONDERFUL!  Usually when I make tenders they are usually bland and dry. But I learned a trick. Buttermilk. Soak the tenders in garlic powder, hot sauce, and seasoning salt for 30 minutes before breading. I made these on Tuesday and they were amazing! It certainly squashed my chik fil a craving I had.

Well it's Sunday so that means lazy time on the couch with my two favorite little people! Till next time! q

Thursday, November 24, 2011


It's been a long time dear much has happened to me in the past months and I have so much to say, so make a pot of coffee and you a pack of Marlboro Menthol Special Blends and let me talk.

In the beginning of October I FINALLY got my child support lump sum payment (from my baby daddy, not my ex-husband). It was three times what I thought I was gonna get, and I was amped. As we all know, my last vehicle was reposessed last year, and I have been driving a series of hoopdies until I could afford a down payment on a new car. One day in October, I took the kids to Hall Honda, just to see what I would need to do in order to purchase a car. I didn't intend to buy a car that day at all. The salesman came out and I told him I had my eye on a 2009 Chevy Cobalt and a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe. Neither of these cars are what I really wanted but they were in my price range, so hey! He offered to show me one more car that he had in the back. At first I was internally rolling my eyes. I fell for the following trick when I bought my very first new car. I came in looking for a used car and then the salesman rolled out this brand new car and I was hooked. This time was different, he rolled out a cute little gray 2005 Honda Civic. Automatically I thought the car was going to be way out of my price range. Honda's hold their values well and I was too sure this car was going to be out of my range. I nearly hit the floor when I heard the salesman say it was only 10k. I jumped on the option to purchase. I was afraid my credit was too scarred to obtain financing, but it wasn't and after 4 hours of paperwork, I rode off with a new car. I cannot tell you all how good it feels to not have to drive around with a jug of antifreeze in my trunk or how awesome it is to drive to work without smelling the combination of gasoline and coolant. Most of all I am happy to have reliable transportation.

One of the reasons I was moved to find reliable transportation is because for the first time in 5 years I am going to a New Years Celebration with my sister. If we all can reflect on last year, I spent my NYE crying in my room because I had been rejected by "The Friend". This year I am looking forward to an awesome time with awesome people. I am going to Big Night DC at the Gaylord National Resort. I am currently on the hunt for a classy but chic NYE dress.

So I am sure you all are wondering what the deal is with my dating life. The true story is I am not dating a lot these days. I am refusing to settle for my usual, so that has slimmed down my prospects tremendously. That is ok, though. I have become more specific in my criteria in a mate. Job, own place to live, and vehicle is a must have. I am a single mother with two kids and if a single man without kids has not accomplished that then I can't hang.

Today is Thanksgiving and I am so thankful for my freedom and my family. This is my first holiday in three years where I am unattached. My previous holidays have been spent worrying about getting back home to someone who didn't care for me or placating a half a husband. This year, I have my own plans, to include on black Friday. I look at where my life has gone in a year. I remember last year I didn't even have enough money to pay my rent and this year I am shopping on Black Friday. Isn't God amazing?

It's time for me to return to the world of wine, cooking, telling old stories, and watching football. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Monday, September 26, 2011

They Do Exist

Gentlemen, that is. Today before filling out paperwork for the new job (yay!), I decided to have lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I hadn't eaten there in a long time and it was nice to have a meal sans babies. I entered the restaurant, and seated myself where most party of ones seat themselves, the bar. It was mainly empty due to the time of day. After ordering my wings and iced tea, a man came in and seated himself to my left about three chairs away. I noticed him ordering a rum and coke with limes and a club sandwich. When my food arrived we exchanged light conversation about how good my food looked and we didn't say much else. After I finished eating, I asked for my check and the bartender brought it over. I got out my credit card, preparing to hand it to the bartender and I heard a voice say, "No, I've got it." It was the man that was on my right. I was floored. I smiled and asked him if he was sure and he said, "Absolutely." I handed him the check and he looked me in my eyes and said, "Now you can't say that there are no gentlemen left." I thanked him and introduced myself and he did the same and told me he hoped our paths would cross again. I exited the restaurant and damn near hit my dougie right in the parking lot. I wasn't excited because I scored a free meal, but I was happy that God showed me at that exact moment I did not have to settle for anything less than the best. I am worthy of a true to life date, and I need to hold out until I get what I want. I want to be pursued for the right reasons. That proved to me that men are still interested in knowing ME not my booty or my gentlemen greeter. That felt good!

On the side of all things being a mommy, my baby boy is on his way to being potty trained. Well not all the way, but he pooped in the potty Friday night! Ten minutes prior, he came to me holding his crotch (ew!) saying, "I go poop." I sniffed and I shrugged it off, he hadn't pooped. So a couple of seconds later he starts pulling down his pants. Miss Beasley yelled, "I think Chunky has to potty." Again, I didn't really pay any attention because when it comes to going to the potty he is the little boy who cried wolf. So for entertainment purposes, I put him on his tiny potty and a couple of seconds went by and I stood him up, while I was doing this my daughter screamed, "HE'S POOPING!" I quickly sat him back down and he began to make the "poop face." Me and Miss Beasley went nuts. We were hollering for him like he was going for the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. He looked proud and confused at the same time. When he was done, we looked in the potty and there is was, yellow-green poop that looked like soft serve ice cream. I was almost tempted to take a picture of it that is how proud I was. Upon further inspection I saw that he also peed. The crowd went wild. Grandmothers were called, Facebook statuses updated, Aunts were texted. It was wonderful, our little boy went on the potty! That day meant a lot to me. Why? That means I am one step closer to being liberated from diaper changing. I am one step closer to not having diapers in my budget. I was so excited I bought him a pair of boxers (no tightie whities for him...gotta let it I know all of this is premature and it may have been a fluke, but a mom can dream right?

Thursday, September 22, 2011


Good Afternoon!!!!! I am in a great mood right now. I feel like a unicorn dancing through a rain shower of golden glitter...that is how magically delicious I feel. Why? After seeing my vast safety experience and my progress toward becoming a member of ASSE, they have upgraded my job to include being a safety partner which means I get to be salaried. Get into that. I have not had a salaried job since 2002. The only downside is you get paid what you get paid so even if you work more (which I KNOW I will be doing) you still the same. The blessings I am receiving are blowing my mind.

With such blessings comes great responsibility. God has poured a lot of blessing on me and I don't feel right doing some of the things I used to do. Watching how far God has brought me in the last 6 months has really done something to my spirit. For the last year, I was looking toward the world to make my life complete. I was hoping that things like men, popularity, material possessions and sex would make me happy. The truth is that chasing after those things have had some SERIOUS consequences, some which have not been highlighted here. I know what the world has to offer, and to be honest, I don't want it. The devil is slick, but I have to remember that he has NO authority and if he does, it's because I gave it to him. I am noticing while I am being put into position to fulfill the promise that God has for me, the devil has been BUSY! By busy I don't mean like a flat tire or cash flow problems. He has been busy in a way that if I didn't know any better I would not have known that it was his work. There have been a few people that I found their way into my life, that after conversing with them I am realizing that they were sent to destroy the purpose in my life. The devil knows that I have lust of the eye and I struggle with sexual impurity and to put it mildly he brought out the big guns. That's fine, but this is older, wiser Victoria. I cannot allow another person in my life that will hinder my progress. It is time for my surroundings to change, and I don't have to move anywhere for that. I am not going to make a bunch of grand statements about deleting people out of my life and so on, but I can show you better than I can tell you.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Mind of a Child

This morning I got hit in the head with a very interesting question from Miss Beasley. We were eating breakfast and out of the blue, she asked me, "Do you like daddy?" That was a really loaded question. Sure, the police don't have to be called every time we get together, but I think the word "like" is a stretch for him and I. Back in the day I used to luuuuurrrvve my daughters father. He was my sun, moon and stars. I had a huge crush on him all through high school and we started dating when I was 21 years old. One year later, I gave birth to Miss Beasley, and this is where shit went left. I took to being a mother like a fish to water, he on the other hand struggled in his new role as a father. I never doubted that he loved Miss Beasley, I think all the responsibility of being a father was a lot for him and he didn't know how to deal with it. Long story short, we grew to be different people. Our breakup wasn't too messy, but when it came to the issue of child support that is when it got ugly. He was angry I filed and he thought he was paying too much. This lead to him having to move back in with his parents and bad feelings were created all around. Which brings us to today. Miss Beasley's father and I don't speak at all, not so much as a hello. He comes in the morning to take Gabby to school he doesn't say a word and hell either do I. How did I answer Miss Beasley's question? I used gentle honesty. I told her me and her dad aren't BFF's, but we don't hate each other. That answer seemed to satisfy her, and on her way she went. It got me thinking about how far he and I have come in the last 10 years. He and I were a team, and we pushed each other to be the best that we could be. There are times while navigating the dating world, I miss the cohesiveness that me and her father used to share. That kind of quality in a relationship has been VERY hard for me to find. Am I posed to fall on my sword and go back to Miss Beasley's dad? No. We aren't even the same two people that fell in love that cool fall afternoon in 2001. It's just very surprising how far two people who were so close have drifted so far.

I got a new job ya'll!!!!! It's a lot more money and a lot more responisiblity. I am getting the opportunity to return to the healthcare field, and I'm loving it. You know what I am really excited about? Wearing scrubs again to work. It's like wearing pajamas to work everyday. I am going to buy some new ones since the ones I had previously do not fit since it's been 3 years and a one pregnancy ago.

Dating, dating, dating dating....ugh. I think I am going to take a break. I feel like I am at TJ Maxx looking through the racks and nothing looks appealing to me. It's break time. I have spent an inordinate amount of time looking for Mr. Right and I would like to tell him, he is gonna have to find me, lol. My divorce is 2 weeks from being final and I don't want to hop back in the same situation of getting into a relationship or married to someone who is not right for me. Being alone sucks sometimes, but being tied to the wrong person sucks even more.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Exceedingly and Abundantly
There is so much going on in my life right now I just don't know whether to laugh or cry. Last Friday, I was offered a position with a Naval Contractor, however, on Monday I received an e-mail from another Naval Contractor who works with one of the major shipyards on the Peninsula. You know, for all the time I spent looking in all the wrong places it is funny how God is bringing all the right places to me. Exceedingly and abundantly, indeed.

Here In My Dreams
Have you ever had a really graphic dream about someone you barely talk to? Well remember MiddleSchoolCrush? I dreamt about him last night. I am not going to get into a lot of details, but he was really good in bed*. See what happens when you don't have sexy time for a long time? You start thinking about peen you never even had. Now I have that weird feeling I get after a graphic dream, like I need to call him or message him on facebook just to see...I don't know if it was good to him too? LOL. I won't do that...but I will "like" one of his statuses in lieu of sending an awkward, "Hey" message.

School Days
Statistics is hard y'all. That is all I have to say about that. I should have given more thought to what I was going to take as my first class. If I make it out with a "C" I will be happy.
I don't know about anyone else, but I have been looking at Miss Beasley's syllabus (yes, second graders have syllabi) and they are learning some heavy duty stuff. I am happy I am back in school, now I can keep up. This month they are studying matter, learning how to write a fictional story and learning about the government. That sounds like my senior year in high school.

I went to church on Sunday for the first time in a long time. The service held a little long, but the message was awesome. There was a certain point in the sermon where the Bishop posed the question, "Where were you with the anointing?" This was an excellent question. I sat in the pew and wondered where I had been with my anointing. It's been to the club, in a hotel room, enjoying herbal supplements, hugged up in a bed with a married man, passed out in the front of a Toyota Camry, it's been everywhere. That question was so powerful that I find before I agree to go somewhere or do something, that I hear that little voice asking, "Where are you taking your anointing?"

Thursday, September 8, 2011


With school for me and Miss Beasley starting back up, I have not had the time to blog. Can I also mention I really miss my laptop and I need to get off the dime and go get it fixed? Ok, so bringing you up to speed:

Opportunity Knocking

So we all know I am on the hunt for something bigger and better for my career, and there has been a straight up dry spell. Well, it appears it is over. I have gotten 4 different job offers at VERY good companies doing something that will grow my bank account. I feel like Lebron without that bad hairline. I don't know where I am taking my talents but wherever it is there has to be the potential for growth.


Messy. It is almost cuffing season and I am without an individual to cuff. I get a little pain in my heart (lol) when I think about it, but then I read the events of last year's cuffing season and my soul says, "no thank you." With that being said, I am less focused on being boo'd up this winter and more on my kids and this schoolwork.

School Days

I am back in school, earning that Enviromental Health degree. I was all gung-ho until I saw the plethora of science I am going to have to take. IT was much easier to manuver through. I like a challenge so this will be good for me.

Don't Leave While Your'e Hot

I don't think I ever blogged about him, but back after me and the Good Reverand Doctor split up I began seeing this man who we will call Nunyah. He is 50% of the reason the theme of 2008 was simply "2008 and Heartbreaks". Long story short, he was dating me, got married, was still pursuing me, and then finally he moved to a far off land for a short period of time. Through all this is ass is still contacting me. Of course he is singing the same old song "I shoulda married you...I hate this shit". Try it again queen.

New Obsession

I have never been one for DIY maniures. Lately I figured I should put that Paul Mitchell education to use and I have been doing my own manicures. Now that I know how to CORRECTLY polish my nails, I have been buying nail polish like a maniac. It is apart of the budget, that is how deep it goes. I like that I can change my nail polish to reflect my mood for the day or the evening.

Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

Back for the third time in three months. This time the defendant was El Douchebag. Guess what y'all? He didn't show up. When I FINALLY got a hold of him (by blocking my number on my house phone), he acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about, and I politely informed him he is now a fugitive of the law since they issued a warrant. He starts rambling about he got a job now and is going to be paying regularly, and I just replied, "Paying doesn't get rid of the need to turn yourself in and then let the judge know your intentions." I bet my whole paycheck he won't do any of that. He is messy like that. But you know what y'all? In four weeks.....I'll be free, and that makes it all worthwhile!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Five Steps

I looked at my calender this evening and realized that I have a whopping five more weeks until I can file for divorce. I never thought this day would come. As "fun" as it was being married to El Douchebag, I have to say I am happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. Don't get me wrong we had some good times together and the best thing to come from our marriage was our son. The truth of the matter is E.D. ( I can't keep typing that) liked the idea of being married, but he didn't know what it took to be a husband. He hadn't mastered providing and protecting his family. If I had a dime for every time he left us flapping in the wind I would be a millionaire right now. I am not without fault, I should have known better. I married E.D. because I was feeling so much heartbreak from being jilted at the alter by The Good Reverend Doctor. I wish I knew then that my heart would heal and I would get past that. But I didn't. I settled for the first thing that winked at me because after suffering that type of public humiliation I wanted people to see that I was still worth marrying. Long story short, it blew up in my face.

What I am focused on now is rebuilding my life. The first step is learning how to date. I will admit I don't know how. I meet a man, like him, and start picturing forever. That is no way to live. That leads to settling. Does anyone have any advice? I am completely lost at that subject. The second step is getting to where I need to be in life. For the last 10 years I have had a bunch of dreams, but now it is time to turn these into goals. My first goal is to rid myself of any manner of public assistance I am on by the time I am 31 (November). I have already chunked the deuces to SNAP and I am kicking Child care assistance out the door too. I have been doing this for over a year and it is time I learned to stand on my own to. My fight is gone. There was a time when I would grind hard to get what I want but it seems like I have just laid down and took a break. Second order of business is to find a CAREER. I have had a string of jobs but I want a career. I am not getting any older and I don't want to be working while I am in my 70's because I never had a stable job that allowed me to save for retirement. I am just tired of the way that I am living and I left E.D. so I could pursue my life free of the drama that he brought and it's time for my pity party to cease and I need to get on with living my best life!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Good Night Irene

The title of this blog and the subject matter have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to say that lol.

Grow the Hell Up

I talked to my ex-husband today. We spoke on the matter of him not paying child support. I discovered two little nuggets of information. 1) He has been working all this time and STILL wasn't paying. Who does that? You know I was mad as hell 2) He got fired from that job for......fighting. Yes, you read that right. Fighting. What 40 year old man gets fired for fighting on the job? You know I am not necessarily in love with my job, but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I am not going to jeopardize that for anyone. I come to work to do my job and make money, end of story.

Thank God For Male Friends

So I ran my little dilema by my male friend Sam, and he gave me some good advice. You can't go accusing someone without proof. You can go with your gut and walk away, but to accuse without proof makes you look a little cray-cray. I wish I would have asked his advice before acting the donkey. Hey, you live and you learn.

Do the Hurricane

So as we all may know there is a hurricane headed for the area I am in. I have waffled back and forth about whether I would evacuate or stay. I am choosing to stay because I don't live in a low-lying area. I stocked up on all my supplies and me and Chunk are ready. Miss Beasley is vacationing in Alabama (jealous) so when the ish hits the fan it will be just me and the boy. You know what I am really scared of? The power and cable going out. I think hell is having to tend to an attention starved one year old while there is no power on. How is he gonna go to sleep without his white noise maker? How will I keep him calm by turning on Yo Gabba Gabba. This will be my greatest mothering challenge to date.

I will certainly update everyone on how we made out!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hit Dogs Holler

The dating world is no crystal much has happened in the last week! They are just dropping like flies around here. Remember Georgia? Yeah, that's over. Grand Opening, Grand Closing. A few weeks ago, Georgia came over and we were making jokes about who had "boos" on facebook. Well, out of the blue he says, "I don't even KNOW 'blah-blah' she added me as a friend and she is always commenting on my statuses but I have no idea who she is." You know what bothers me? I never even brought up her name. I was speaking in generalities but he was speaking specifics. I brushed it off and I didn't think anything of it until I got a very disturbing inbox message from a girl claiming to be in a relationship with him (second one this month) and she was able to describe details of my life that only he would know. I was livid. He is a mild mannered person so I didn't want to end up saying some crazy shit so I turned my phone off for the night, sat around and decided I would ask him about it the next day. Well the next day comes and when I ask him about it he says he has no idea who wrote that, and he would never tell anyone my business. What I didn't hear him say is he is not in a relationship with someone. Put a pin in that. So as the days go by I start to notice he doesn't text as much, I get a good morning text and that is about it. When we first met we would text each other all the time and he would text me to say good night and it was like after the first inbox fiasco it just stopped. Am I being paranoid? Is there any merit to this? I just don't know what to think. He said he's a good guy, but anyone who knows me knows that I have a history of picking out "good guys" who end up being wolves in sheep's clothing. What I don't want is to resolve to believe him and then end up looking dumb as hell when I go on FB and see that he is "in a relationship with 'blah-blah'" and 52 people like it. That really has happened to me if you cared to know. After sending a series of thirst text and messages I am done. I keep telling myself that ultimately he will end up ringing my doorbell at 1 am and I won't care. I just need that time to hurry up and get here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Being Interested vs. Being Dehydrated

Well, I decided to give my number to a gentleman I met and.....whomp, whomp, whomp. I just can't y'all. He seemed ok at first, we conversed a little bit via facebook and he gave me his number. I was not going to call or text, but this morning I said, "What the hell. Just text him and see what's up". This ladies and gentlemen is where shit went left. The conversation was going well until he did the ULTIMATE no-no in my book. He asked me a question that I ABSOLUTELY hate. He asked me to "send him a pic". When I read that I wanted to throw my phone in the trash and runaway like Kanye did in the beginning of his short film. If you are already my friend on facebook, why in the hayle do you need a picture of me in your phone? I may be wrong, but 99% of mobile phones have access to the Internet. If you want to look at a picture of me go on your mobile facebook. I have about 50-11 pictures of me there. Pictures of me pregnant, not pregnant, long hair, short hair, curly hair, work clothes, club clothes, it's all there. Furthermore, most of these phones sync your FB contacts so if you want to see my face when the phone rings, it's there.

This thirsty behavior must stop. Today. Being thirsty and being interested are two different things. When I am interested in someone, I am going to have meaningful conversation and take my time to find out if this person fits my criteria. The last thing I want is a "angling" photo sent to me. I am not going to send text proclaiming I "miss" someone I didn't even know a week ago. That shit is plain weird. So needless to say this gentleman is not going to make the cut, his facebook deletion and android blacklisting are happening tonight.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Table For One.......

Date Night: Table for One

Tonight I did something I have not done in a long time. I took myself on a date. I went to see the movie "The Help" and it was amazing. I won't talk much about the movie here, but all I can say is please have some tissues ready. I am sure there are some that looked at my status update regarding my date night and thought I was doomed to die alone surrounded by my 75 cats. There were some positives to taking myself on a date.

  • I got to see the movie I wanted to see. I love dramas and romantic comedies. Most of the men that I have dated are mainly into action movies. Can I take this time to say say how much I HATE action movies. The concept of buildings blowing up and all that is just not my thing. I could just imagine going on a date and having the guy complain about seeing a "chick flick". Return of the Planet of the Apes or whatever was showing and I didn't want to hear about how that movie would be greater than The Help. I like what I like, sue me.
  • No seating issues. It was packed! I did not anticipate that many people being there and I was happy to be a party of one because finding a single seat was easy.
  • No timing issues. I was originally supposed to go to the 4:30 show, but I have kids and in preparing them to go to my mom's house I ran behind. For once I didn't have to go through the drama and stress of sending a plethora of text messages explaining why I was running behind and I changed showtimes with ease.
I am not saying I will never go on another date, it is just that I when I am looking forward to something sometimes it's better if I go on a solo mission instead of making it a duo which brings me to my next point....

A Date? What's That

It seems in my age group, men have forgotten what it means to go on a date. Lately I have been getting request from some of my gentlemen callers to "hang out". What in the fresh hell is that? You "hang out" when you are 18 years old...we are 30+, there is no hanging out. I am not getting a sitter so I can sit at your house watching the latest on Redbox, No I want to go on a date. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Hell, I will take some ColdStone (LOVE strawberry cheesecake ice cream) and a walk on the beach. I like little outdoor concerts. The point is, I can stay at home on my own. I don't need a second party for that. So a tip for the fellows....if you are texting asking when can you "see me" or when are we gonna "hang out", I will have no response. Ever.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Somebody Pass Me Some Aquifina, STAT!

You know, the dating game is like the lottery. You don't know if you are gonna win or lose. Right now, I am on a straight up losing streak.

Inbox Fuckery

Today I was minding my business, having the best day ever, chopping it up on Facebook and then I get message, and it went something like this:

Random Chick: Hi, I was wondering how you knew "blah blah blah".

Me: Oh we are friends

RC: Oh, well I noticed that you comment and like a lot of his statuses and I just wanted to come to you woman to woman (ha!) to ask you what was up.

Me: Ok

RC: He and I are kinda talking and I would appreciate if you stopped chasing after him (LMAO!!!).

Me: I'm not chasing after him, just commenting on a friends status

RC: Well I am trying to be with him and it just makes it uncomfortable

Me: Wow, ok......

Ladies and Gentleman welcome to my life. First of all, ladies and gentlemen, the Facebook stalking of people that you are involved with/sleeping with/obsessed with needs to stop. Who does that? My pride is too high to let myself sink to such dehydrated levels. Even if I felt some kind of way I could never let another female see my insecurities. She probably thought she laid down the law, but no boo-boo, I'm laughing at you. As far as "blah blah blah" goes, he obviously has a taste for messy, thirsty women so he's no better.

Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

On Tuesday I had my day in court with my ex husband, El Douchebag. Because he has been ducking the child support people for the last 4 months I didn't even know where he was. So I was surprised when he showed up. Ultimately we went through a mediator and he will get 4 hours every other week supervised visitation. Works for me. Now lets see if he pays his child support.

Decency and Order

I am on a quest to become more organized in my life. I have created a binder divided with all off the different areas in my life. This way when I need a certain piece of paperwork it's available instead of me having to hunt it down all over my house.

Anchors Aweigh!

It's funny how God works. I went to a temp agency on Tuesday to see about getting another job lead and I ended up with the sweetest recruiter ever. She offered to go over my resume and make it shipyard friendly. She also gave me contacts to all the major places that do hiring for shipyards. If you are from the area I am you know that type of info is like GOLD. I told her I felt bad applying with people who were my former competitors but she assured me that in the ship repair industry it is common to leave one place and go to a competitor as long as you didn't sign a non compete agreement. I never did so I am basically a free agent.

Things are chugging along tremendously and I hope they stay that way. I am ironing out some things in my life and getting things in order. Hopefully this season of sad events is over!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Flowers for the Living

The past weekend was just amazing. My little sister came to visit from Tennessee and we had a ball. We have had our bumps and bruises in our relationship but nothing is better than watching that relationship repair and renew itself. We shopped, laughed and talked about my foray into the dating world. She did spend a lot of time with her boyfriend while she was here but that was fine by me. My sister is a wonderful woman and I have watched her on her journey to find the "right one" and I think she has. I hope to be going to a wedding and then finally accomplishing that goal of becoming an aunt! Oh, that's my dream....not her' Her boyfriend makes her happy and when she's happy, I am happy.

I have always heard the phrase in church, "Give people the flowers while they are living" and I never knew what that meant until today. My Godbrother and I have not seen each other since I was a toddler and we finally re-connected via Facebook. I swear by our conversations that we were the same person. I was anticipating meeting him at the end of August and I just wanted to chill with him, listen to music and have conversation (build). My mom came by my house today and delivered some bad news: He is a diabetic and this weekend his blood sugar got too high and that caused him to go into a diabetic coma. I am just crushed. I have a bad habit of not staying in touch with people. I was supposed to call him last month to talk about the details me coming to visit, but I got busy with my day to day life and kept putting it off. I feel like crap. I wish I have taken the time and just talked with him for at least 5 minutes to let him know that I thought he was awesome and he really kept my self esteem on 1,000 million on days when I felt unpretty. But I am here hurting because I let that chance slip away. If he makes it through this I promise to call him and I am DEFINITELY coming to see him. You never know what is going to happen to someone from one day to the next so treat everyday like a gift and treasure those special relationships.

I found a solution for Beasley's shyness. I enrolled her into Tae kwando classes last week. She had her first class on Saturday and she seems to love it! I can see my baby become another person on that mat. She looks so determined and focused it's just amazing. I am chomping at the bit to get Chunky started. My sister's only question was when were my lessons going to start because these two would soon be tag teaming me.

Tomorrow is my custody hearing for my son. I initiated this in hopes that his father would try to establish a relationship with him. It makes me sad to know that the odds of him showing up for this hearing are non existent. He has allowed his disdain over paying (or not paying) child support interfere and therefore he and Chunky's relationship will suffer. But it's all good I put it in God's hands and I know He will make it alright.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

10 Things About Me

I know I detail a lot of my personal life on my blog, but it doesn't give a clear picture to some of the other facets of my life that don't include the travails of being a single mother.

  1. I LOVE Hip-Hop. No, I REALLY love hip-hop. Not only do I love this genre I am known by a lot of my friends to be able to pull really obscure songs and artist from up out of nowhere. My favorite era of hip-hop is from the years of 1994-1997. I mark this time as the "Golden Age of Hip-Hop." During this time you needed sheer TALENT to get on. No co-signs, no special appearances by the artist du needed talent. This was also the years of Preemo, Pete Rock, RZA, etc. now THEY are what I consider as super producers.
  2. My life is not as sad as depicted at times in this blog. I am really a happy person, I just have my down times. Remember, I do the work of three people. I am a mama and a daddy (two times). So while blog wise you may want to just put me out of my misery, I really do throw glitter and twirl more often than not.
  3. I am a chubby chaser. As I moved into my late 20's I no longer wanted a man that was cut up like a bag of dope. I think it all started with the tasty phenomenon that was Bone Crusher. He would run across that stage all bravado, shirt off, manitties swinging, just It's nothing like cuddling with a man with a belly.
  4. I represent the Lollipop Guild (it is NOT "kids" as many people think). I love 'em short. No awkward kisses or hugging someones torso.
  5. I have never seen "Boomerang". Go ahead...I'll wait while you collect yourself. Boomerang came out when I was a pre-teen and I remember why all my friends had seen it (?) my daddy laid the law down and said HELL NAW. So, for some reason all the way into my adulthood I just haven't watched it because I was scared maybe it was so elicit I wouldn't want to watch it. *note to self: add "Boomerang" to Netflix queue.
  6. I was supposed to marry a preacher. No really, April 2008. But it didn't happen. Long story
  7. I am irked by people who murder the English language. Just so it is known, I go around with an imaginary red pen and in my head I edit people's text messages, Facebook statuses, tweets, and emails. Yup, I am judging your grammar.
  8. I don't like going to clubs. It took me a long time to admit this, but I am gonna just say it. I don't like it. Maybe it's my age or whatever, but going to a club is just not my thing anymore. I can tell you what a typical time for me in the club is: I get all amped up to go, get dressed, beat my face within a inch of my life, hop in my car, field a bunch of text messages from the people I am going with, get to the club, have approximately 3 drinks, dance a little bit, talk trash with my girls, and then I am either ready to a) sit my ass down or b) go to bed. Ask me what time all this takes place? Midnight. Yup, I'm one of those. I my stay at the club is roughly 2-3 hours. This is why I stick to happy hours.
  9. I eat a lot of "struggle meals" and I am not struggling. I love oodles of noodles (roasted chicken flavor), baloney sandwiches, and red kool aid. Why? It's easy to "cook".
  10. When my kids are grown and out of my house, I will be moving to a condo in Boca Raton, where I will be botoxed within an inch of my life. I'll date pool boys and rich old men. That is the

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Children Are Our Future

Raising children is serious business. You are shaping a young person to hopefully becoming a productive member of society. The pressure to make sure they succeed is so great that it can almost be overwhelming. This is one time in my life, I can't half step, I can't quit I have to keep pushing....I just don't want them to

I spent the majority of my elementary and middle school years being bullied and teased. My daughter is the same age I was when the teasing started with me and I am terrified. The thought of someone damaging my daughters self esteem causes me so much anxiety I can't even sleep. I toss and turn wondering if I instilled enough confidence in her. I feel guilty because instead of taking that job seriously I played around, got married to a dbag, put her on the back burner to save a ship that was already sinking and now she is in a pivotal time in her development and I feel like I didn't give her the right tools to deal with bullies and hurtful people. I guess it is because I never got those tools so I don't know what to tell her. I hate myself for all the times I spent partying when I could have spent time doing things with her to help build her self esteem. For all the times I ditched her so I could hang with my "man du jour" I feel sick. I messed up. I don't know how to fix this. 4 years ago I did not take the responsibility of motherhood and now I am paying for it. I just pray that I can take my daughter through these years and help her remember that she is loved and she doesn't need to find acceptance in any one because I accept her and I love her.

Monday, July 25, 2011

I'll Take You There....

It's been a minute since I blogged about my dating life, but let's get to it:

You're Married. Thanks For the Memo

A while back I met this man via Facebook (gotta stop doing that) and he seemed really cool at the time. We would talk about the goodness of God, our goals and ambitions, and he was really digging me. Over time he became more aggressive about "being with me". This sent up red flags everywhere. I am a firm believer that people who are pushy about locking you down usually have some issues, and they want to hook you before you can figure out what it is. I finally broke down and let this man into my life a little and after spending more time together I decided that he really wasn't the one for me. So in my mind I just let it die out and I kept my communication with him to a dull minimum. Fast forward to last Saturday I get a message from him on FB responding to a message I sent eons ago telling me that we couldn't have a future because he's a married man. Yes. Married. Get there. So my response was, "OK, why didn't you say something before?" He said he just didn't but he is doing right and he can't deal with me anymore. OK, cool. Why am I not fazed? He and I have not spoken in almost two months and it's been even longer since I have seen him. What the fuck brought all that on? I promptly deleted him because clearly he is delusional and he's a liar. I hope he doesn't think I was sitting around waiting for him because I clearly have moved on.

Georgia on my Mind

I told you all a little bit about Georgia. We have been seeing each other for the last 3 months and I have to say, I really enjoy his company. When we are together everything is really low key and easy. We cuddle, watch movies, crack jokes and have a great time together. He is definately first round draft pick material. We shall see though.....

Broken Friendships

I have two best friends. One in Georgia and one here. Relations with my friend here are strained at best. I don't know what went wrong but we have somehow become strangers. It hurts sometimes but I am old enough to know that sometimes that is the circle of life. Nothing last forever. People change, their priorities change and sometimes friendships get lost in that.

Weight Loss

I saw myself naked in the mirror today. No Bueno. I hit the gym every now and again, but I am realizing that in order to really get toned and healthy, I am going to need to devote three days a week and I have to do serious cardio. I am vain and I hate sweating, but I want to look good in my clothes. I want to feel confident about my body and right now I don't.


My eyelash fetish is out of control. Yes, I have turned into that woman that doesn't leave the house without them. They just really add something to my face. I have become a master at putting them on. Hell, I am able to do it with Chunky milling about crying over me not reading "Good Night Moon".


That OSHA certification came in handy. The house next to me is being renovated and I made a comment today regarding the removal of the the fiberglass insulation. The foreman asked where I got all this information from and I told him I used to work in safety and we are now in talks for me to do safety checks on some of his upcoming jobs. That will be some money in the bank.

I can't say life is completely great right now, but I just keep in my head that everyday will get better and all that is happening is part of a bigger plan. Stay tuned.....

Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Old Settler

Tonight I am baby free for the first time in awhile. You would think that I would use this time to go out, but I spent my time running errands and cleaning up the house. It is amazing what you can do when you do not have a one year old underfoot. After 4 hours of cleaning I can say I have the neatest refrigerator and the cleanest living room. Ever.

I concluded my night watching Jumping the Broom with a gentleman caller (we shall call him Georgia). That movie brought to surface a lot of different emotions in me. First off, I love my son to life. As much as I love him, I think my diligence in keeping him a baby is going to be a problem later on in life. Children do not belong to us. My job is to raise Chunky and Beasley to be the best people they can be and then let them off into the world to be productive adults. I have a hard time doing this with Chunky. I am so scared of all the trouble that awaits him in the world. It would kill me if he ended up spending most of his life in some one's prison or being a deadbeat dad to a bunch of kids. The statistics all say that this is how his life may end up. Chunky's relationship with his father is non-existent so I am afraid that the lack of male influence will cause him to act out in other ways. I do a good job playing both parents, but it's nothing like the real thing. That being said, I still can't hold on to him so tight that I cripple his development. I was crushed this evening when Chunky stated (in toddler fashion) that he would rather go home with my mom than me. It left me feeling sad. He has always been about his he found someone new he loves...and the Chunky pie divides. It will keep dividing as he grows and forms new relationships. Chunky is not my husband. He has a life to live and he's gonna live it. Besides, I should not be new to this: Miss Beasley had to grow up and I treated her like Nemo for the first 4 years of her life.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Waiting For That Break

Uuuuuuggggghhhh....I have missed blogging! I have been having a serious case of writers block and I have not been able to pull it together. But I am back and ready to write.

Can I express how hard it is to maintain daycare for two kids? It's real hard. It's even harder for me at this stage because Chunky is under 2 and he is not potty trained. Last week I spent a great deal of time: 1) Wanting him to grow up 2) Use the potty.

I am still on the hunt for that perfect job. As many of you know I used to work at a major hospital in this area. I left that hospital in 2008 for a job with the city and lets just say it has been down hill since then. I have applied for a few positions with them and on Monday, I FINALLY got a call back for an interview. It's today at 12 and I am excited. The plus about this position is my commute will be a lot shorter than it used to be. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that I get this job.

Not much else to report, but I will be back for some commentary on a new show I have fell in love with called Downsized. It's on WeTV and the second season starts in August. xoxoxo

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Top 5 Ways to Guarentee You will Never Date Me

I am still navigating the ninth ring of hell called "dating". Here are some deal breakers for me:

  1. Talking about my ass in a conversation. Yes, I know. God blessed me with a nice donk. I've had it since I was 17. It was cool to talk about then, but I'M 30 EFFIN YEARS OLD! The first time I hear the words "I ain't know you had ass like that", I shut down. I am more than my booty. It's unattractive when men my age makes them sound like a horny high unattractive.
  2. Trying to pass of a night of "chilling at the crib" as a date. This only works after we are in an established relationship. But if we are just starting out, my idea of a date (which if you are a single mom means a lot of effort was put forth to be free). is going out to dinner, taking a walk on the beach and buying me Coldstone afterwards, taking me to a musuem, etc. I do not want the culmination of my night to be drinking tequila and watching "Friday"
  3. Try to have sex with me. Again, I am 30 now. A lady doesn't divulge all her secrets but after two babies and some wild times in my 20's, I would like to conserve the milage put on my gentleman greeter. If the time is right I will let you know and we can take it from there.
  4. Getting mad with me because I won't just abandon my kids so I can hang out with you all the time. This also goes with friends. I am a single mom. I work eight hours a day Monday-Friday. I spend minimal time with my babies during the week. I feel like a pretty shitty mom if I choose to spend time with a man over spending time with them.
  5. Stringing me along. Don't text me all these sweet nothings and then I find out that you are using me to get over someone else. I am on the quest for a man that I can build with. I am beyond that point in my life where I need to be the primary not the secondary. I spent my 20's loving a bunch of emotionally unavailable men. If the feelings are not mutual, lets go our separate ways and not waste our time.
And that's that.......if I found a man that could consistantly follow these rules my dating life would be golden!

Monday, July 4, 2011


Just some randoms....

  • I love my oil burner and the smell of lavender is THE BEST!!!!
  • Laughter is the best medicine for the blues. The past couple of days this week I have been feeling a little low and Red Velvet would call and we would get on that phone and LAUGH!!! I am talking 3 hours of laughing....classic
  • I know that I have spoken against this.....buuuuutttt.....I LOVE FALSE LASHES!!!! I think I secretly hated them because I did not know how to apply them. I like the way they look on me, but I do have requirements. I only use the type that are strips but sparse. I HATE the look of mini tarantulas on someone's eyes. I just want them to enhance not over power
  • Being a single mom is HOARD!!!!!!!! But it's the most rewarding job ever. I love seeing the smiles on my children's faces
  • After complaining about not having any friends in my neighborhood, and today while making my bi-weekly run to get diapers I ran into one of my old friends and she lives IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!!! We are hanging out tomorrow night to catch up!
  • I thank God for the friendships in my life. I am happy that I have learned to be a better listener (I used to be the Toni Childs of friendships).
  • What is the protocol for dealing with someone you meet that you found out was "kinda a big deal" back in the day. I work with a young lady who after friending her on Facebook discovered she used to be a video model (not using that other's not nice) aaaannnd I found out that she was a primary in Common's "Go" video. I think it's awesome. She never talks about it....but I think it's neat.
  • Will it ever get easier?
  • Stress will rob you of your appetite and bueno.
  • I think women who take their shoes off in the club and walk around barefoot are gross. That is all
  • Call center culture is just.....smh
  • Am I too young to be researching liquid facelifts?
  • Why did my daughter's father have to be threatened with 60 days in jail before he would pay child support? Didn't I ask him to do the same thing 3 months ago? It makes me sad he would follow the instruction of a stranger before the mother of his child.
Well that was a very satisfying brain for reading xoxox

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Everyday I'm Hustling.....

I am such a pivotal point in my life right now that it is not even funny. I have been getting job offers to come back to the local hospital I used to work at from 2004-2008. I am in the review stage and I have done some testing, I am just waiting to see if I get to the interview process. I am a effing STAR in interviews. Interviews are basically selling yourself, and honey, I can sell water to a well. Going back to the hospital would mean more stability. The truth is I never should have left. I was young, reckless and thought the grass looked greener on the other side (employment with the City of Blah Blah Blah). So I am praying all goes well and I can go back to wearing scrubs 5 days a week lol.

I have started to also taking my job search outside of Virginia. I have been considering moving to Tennessee where my sister lives. I am looking at employment with a major university there and she gave me gobs of tips on applying for the job and what to put in my resume. That was like gold for me. The main goal is to keep going, not to give up or get discouraged. Once I get discouraged I usually slink back to a lesser job and end up settling. No more. Beasley and Chunk deserve the best!

Tomorrow is my show cause hearing for my child support case with Miss Beasley's father. He is in arrears to the tune of 21,000 dollars. I have been waiting on this day for the last 6 years. He has paid what he wanted when he wanted and it has caught up to him. I'm just there to protect my interest. I want the judge to know that he is in the situation that he is in because he QUIT his good ass job to move to Atlanta to be a "producer" (sheesh) and it was down hill from there. I don't expect the whole 21k but I do want a witholding order that is state compliant and a payment up front. We shall see.

Not much else...long day ahead and I have to get my rest. xoxoxo!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Call Before You Come....

Last night around 3 am I was awaken by what I believe was my doorbell. I waited another couple of minutes and there is was again....the doorbell, followed by a knock on the door. I got nervous as hell and went to the closet for my "equilizer" and went to my bedroom door and waited about 5 minutes. The bell ringing stopped and then I went on to bed. I will give you one guess who it was: The Friend. I never knew he would take it this far *Dwele voice* What makes me mad is that this man borrowed money from me and NOT ONCE did he say when he was gonna pay me back. In all of the exchange about seeing me he just glossed over the fact that we had that on the table. What really caused me to come unglued was he asked me what was I upset about when he left. Seriously? Seriously? I hate when people hurt you and then they try to act like it's all good because time has gone by. Now I know how my sister used to feel when I would borrow money from her and had not paid a dime but wanted to call her and just feel like you don't matter.

Today I took my little angels to see Cars 2! Note to self: 19 month olds aren't build for that movie theater life. When went in during the preview and my entire view experience of the Pixar short was me chasing my son down the aisle while he hollered "Wee!" and "Noooo". By the time the movie started he was sleep. Thank God his admission was free because if not he was gonna stay away to watch the whole thing. But, watching the movie I decided it's time for me to plan and stick to something for myself. All of my life I have wanted to see Europe. France and Spain in particular. When I got home I began searching Apple Tours for pricing on Europe vacations. What I am getting at is I want to start living my life and not just existing. Part of this revolution is me expanding my job search beyond Virginia. That is a big deal for me because with the exception on my year in Charleston, Virginia is all I know. I have always been afraid that something would happen to me away from my parents and I wouldn't know how to make it. If we look at the fact of my life, things are happening to me here and I am no worse for the wear. It is time for me to spread my wings. You only get one shot at life, and when these eyes close I want to know I lived it to the fullest. xoxoxo

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

They Pull Me Right Back.....

Sheesh.....that about sums it up right now. I had an awesome weekend, and part of that weekend was a cookout at one of my friend's house. Being a little older I decided not to show up empty handed (in my 20's I would just show up ready to drink and eat till I popped). I made tequila sunrise jello shots and deviled eggs. Now, before I go any further please remember I get out probably once every three months and hardly anywhere where there is free liquor. When I got to the cook out, I started out with a corona(trying to keep it cute) and then I followed that with a delicious pomagrante concoction. I would later discover that that wonderful beverage was mixed with Everclear (yeah I know). So after I drank that I decided to take a Jello shot and sip on Henny and coke....this is where shit went allllllll the way to the left. You know how when you are drunk the music seems to loud and the environment just seems to spin? Yeah I was there. So I decided to sit down out of the way and that didn't help. I moved outside to the porch and all the talking was causing me to be even I sat down on the steps to compose myself and since it was sprinkling I decided to take this mess to my car. Long story short, I ended up throwing up by my car and then blacking out for about three hours (felt like 30 minutes) and then my friend came to the car and helped me upstairs to wash my face so I could sober up (uh no water touched my face because I had on my lashes lol). The lesson here is not to mix my liquor and my ass is not 25 anymore.

In other news....The Friend contacted me. Yes, lets all take this moment to pause and pray. As much as I used to get my life from him, I don't want to EVER feel that kind of hurt again. It's that hurt that has left me unable to trust anyone. I know how I am and I just need the strength to just say, "No....that shit was not OK and I can't let you hurt me again." Sigh....I think I need to scroll through my previous post and I'll catch the hint....xoxoxo!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


I just got some of the best news of the month......*whispers* My FAVORITE esthetician is BACK!!!!! I am sure you are all wondering, "Why is that such a big deal? There are estheticians everywhere." A note about me: When I find someone who does the following really well, I stick with them like glue: cut my hair, wax my va-jay jay, do a facial, and wash my car. When I say Miss A is the best, I mean it. She is a step further than just doing the same ol same ol. She knows her stuff when it comes to skin. I have been awaiting her return because my skin as going bonkers. My skin just looks I look forward to seeing her because my skin needs it!

Got some updates about my ex-husband....apparently he's living at a bus station. At first I felt bad, but then I thought about why he was living in a bus station. First off, he won't work a regular job to get a place to live because he has made dodging DSCE a full time job. Second, he I don't think has been sitting around being worried about me and Chunk so....there you have it. So with that being said...good night!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Find Some Damn Business....

First of all....I know I have just abandoned this blog like a mug!!!! So much has been going on there is just too much to re-cap.

For a while I put finding a man on the back burner so I could focus on what it was I wanted to do in life. When I sat down and thought about it, my life has been a road map of travels that have not been completed. When I got fired from my job it took a lot out of me. I was basically told that I was incompetent and I believed it. But you know what? Someone's perception of you DOES NOT make your reality. The truth is I am competent. When I started at that company they had NO safety program what so ever. I built that program up from the ground up. Never mind I had no safety experience what so ever...I got it done. So you know what I have decided to do? Come back faster and stronger. After a lot of research I have decided to return back to Major University and finish my Enviromental Health, with a minor in Occupational Health. I can do this. I am a junior at that university which means, by the time Chunky is 4, I will have my Bachelors. I have to do this. My kids are counting on me and I am counting on me. I have been running into some financial aid problems ( you know you can only borrow up to 57,000 in student loans? Yeah me neither) but I will get around them. The important thing is seeing this thing through.

On the relationship front, I have an all new starting line up. I am learning how to casually date. Just because someone makes me smile a couple times doesn't mean I have to die with them. I want to take my time and find the right one. I have a couple that are real strong contenders but no one has really proven themselves worthy of me letting my guard down. I do get lonely sometimes, but I figure being lonely beats being unhappy. When it has come to selecting a man my criteria has gotten a lot stricter. He MUST have the following: A place to live that is not with his mama and/or cousin, his own transportation, and at least 3 pay stubs and a W-2 (lol Red Velvet). If not, you will go no further than the phone interview. Most of the men I have been approached by are hitting 30 or are in their 30's and if they don't have those three things they need to be out getting them, not trying to get a girlfriend *kanye shrug*. I am done saving stray cape is in the cleaners so I can't save anybody right now.

I have also been embracing motherhood. I always have, but for the first time in a long time I feel PRESENT in my children's lives. I enjoy my little moments with them. There was a time when I thought about summer all I could think about was all the mayhem I was gonna get into with my girls, but now, I am planning trips to amusement parks, and looking up ways to cause some mayhem with my kids. They are what is important. Everything else is secondary.

Back on weight watchers. Five pounds down. Do it to it boo! It was hard as hell the first week. But I am now in week three and chugging along! It's amazing what tracking what you eat will do. I find that I eat when I am bored, so now I have started to do pilates instead. So far, so good!

Well, I promise it won't be that long before I post again....just got caught up in life....xoxoxo!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

American Beauty

Hey's been a rough couple of weeks around here. I got laid off from my job or made part-time on-call (whatever the hell that means), I have been playing the "will you please pay your child support" game and all kinds of crappy stuff. Then to top it off my poor son spent his first real Easter in the ER with the stomach flu (which I ended up catching). I was looking out of the window of my office at my new job (yeah...I bounce back quick lol) and I noticed that it was raining. It has been sunny all day long and then out of nowhere it started to rain. Normally, my reaction would just be, "Oh's raining...and I don't have my umbrella". Today was different. Just looking at that rain made me appreciate all the beauty in the world. The way the rain hit the trees and they swayed around like they were dancing to the sound of the wind. The sound of car tires splashing in fresh puddles. It all made me happy to be alive. Happy to be experiencing that moment. I have decided it is time for me to stop focusing on all that is going wrong and focus on what is going right. It wasn't until I saw my son go into shock on Sunday that I realized that I never really appreciated the fact that he had always been healthy. I never thought I would long to hear him bust open my bedroom door and yell "Hey Mama". When I daughter had the worst asthma attack I had ever seen her have, I couldn't wait for her to ask me for the millionth time for a snack. We take these little moments for granted worrying about all the big things. XOXO!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Wooo Saaaahhh

I'm back y'all from my "Britney Spears in the crazy time when she shaved all her hair off" meltdown. Things aren't going so great right now, but I am living each day looking for that silver lining. I just read that last post and I know I am feeling better when I can look at it and say, "Girl stop..." I remembered the Oprah interview when she interviewed Ilyana Vanzant. Ilyana talked about the death of her daughter and how she stayed in bed for months and then contemplated killing herself when she heard a voice saying, "STOP BEING DRAMATIC!!!" I heard that voice....there are worse things that could be happening to me. I should use this time of "reduced work hours" to do somethings I have been wanting to do.

The love life? On hiatus. Indefinitely. I am not ready for a relationship in any capacity. I need to work on being the kind of woman I want to be so I can attract the kind of man that I want in my life. Friends are ok (not the kind that sleep on my couch) but boyfriends? Nope. I think it's best I stay away from the horizontal polka too. didn't know....Celibacy 2011 has been started and stopped like three times....but now it is back on, because it just confuses things.

Who knows something about lawns? I finally get a dwelling that has a front and backyard and I have no idea what I am doing. I was oh so clueless in front of KMart on Saturday. Mulch or Top Soil? What kind of weed killer? Do I need a rake or an aerator? It was just a mess. I ended up getting one bag of top soil for the front lawn(not enough) a rake and some Roundup weed killer. The result? My yard looks worse than before. I dug up all the ground and scattered that scant amount of top soil on the lawn and the result is a dirt patch with two mud puddles(it rained afterward). I think I am going to go with the mulch. My neighbors used it and their lawn looks awesome. The backyard? I think I am going to have to have a party for that one because it is a MESS! I am going to work on the patio part this weekend and the back end next weekend. I just need a place to have cocktails and grill.

Well, I just wanted to assure all of you that I am okay and I will be okay. Thank you Christy, Red Velvet, Hollywood, and Birdie for checking on me, letting me cry, and being awesome. xoxoxo!

P.S. Child Support Update: Ex-hubby now has two choices. Pay or go to jail. I bet he wishes he would have just paid....we all know he does not have $1,400.....

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I can't pretend anymore

I can't pretend anymore y'all. I can sit and front like I am over the friend, but I'm not. Maybe it was never in the cards for me to have love in my life. Maybe I am all of those things he said I was...I can't go on, and I don't want to go on. My life is in a huge disarray and this is the only way I can make it stop. Thanks for reading....xoxoxo

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Back Like Cooked Crack!

Heeeeellllllooooo my babies!!! Sorry I took a little sabbatical from blogging because I just have had a lot going on.

The single life? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba I'm loving it. All the old team members have been traded or fired. Last Friday I went on my first real date in years. I will call him Mr. Big (I can't call him what I really want to because I am not sure if The Friend still reads this blog....tell you why that is important in a minute). For our first date he told me he was taking me to this bar and I must admit, I did the extreme side eye until he told me that on the night we were going it was open mic night. It was wonderful, we drank, listened to the jazz band, heard a little spoken word, some singing and even a little comedy. It was really nice. We are keeping it casual and I like it that way.

So, you know I don't pull any punches, I am sure you are all wondering who Mr. Big is. Mr. Big is a friend of The Friend. Yeah. Go ahead and judge. Mr. Big gave me the push I needed to let The Friend go because he confirmed basically everything that I already suspected. The Friend had been taking my car to see other females, he was screwing other females, and he LIVES from getting girls to put phones in their names and then sticking them with the bill. Normally something like that would have sent me through, but you know what? I felt free when I heard that. It meant for me that all that shit he kicked about him being such an upstanding person was basically some bullshit. So, I got my power back y'all. The problem wasn't me. It was his ass. So I went back to facebook, canceled my pitiful "will you take me back" friend request and blocked him. Then I went on my phone and I blacklisted him from being able to text me and all of his calls will go to voicemail. I deserve better than that. Plus, I do not want to spend my 30's like I did my 20's, begging people to stay that didn't want to.

Can I tell you all my new addiction? OnDemand TV. You know I was all #teamfreecable but I don't think I could live without my OnDemand. 95% of what I watch is OnDemand. I have had a chance to catch a lot of shows that I never got a chance to watch because I have been so busy. Outsourced? The shit! Bob's Burger's? Hilarious. On the flip side of that since I recognized that tv watching at my house is at an all time high, I need to get back on my reading grind. Right now I am reading a book called "Another Man's Wife". So far so good....we'll see how it goes.

Well, that is just the highlights. I promise not to be a stranger especially since I found some free wi-fi to hop onto at home (yeah, I'm cheap). xoxoxo

P.S. I am still going strong in my quest to be a better cook. I made some greens this weekend that were OUT OF THIS WORLD! Me and Chunky tore those things up....not a drop left in the pot!

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Shello! I just looked at my dashboard and saw that my last blog post was eons ago.....

There hasn't been too much to report....ok, I'm lying, there has been a lot going on, but I just don't know how to verbalize a lot of it. I have learned over the past few weeks that family will sometimes be the ones to hurt you the most. I just thank God that I have awesome friends, one in particular Mrs. Red Velvet, that see me drowning and they throw out the life raft.

For all that care, I am still single and this time around, not looking. I am starting fresh so that means no "friend" replacements. I got rid of TallDrinkofWater and NavyGuy(wasn't really much to blog about...I don't do long distance very well). I realized these two were just fillers for the time I used to spend thinking about "The Friend". "The Friend" was a filler for The Youngin...and so it goes. The point is, I need to stop trying to find a man to occupy my time and find other things to occupy it. After Saturday, I am going to dedicate my free time to working out. Go ahead, I will wait while you laugh. No, I really miss working out and seeing the rewards in the form of me being able to rock a size 8 and shop where I want when I want. Plus, it will be good for me.

Now that we established that I am going to start being a fan of GKL (Gym, Kids, Laundry), I am sure you all are wondering if I cook any better. The answer? HELL YES!!! I found this awesome site and have been churning out the awesome recipes left and right. I made the steamed cabbage with the smoked turkey leg on Sunday. It was awesome. I am doing the mac n' cheese this Sunday and will let you all know how it turned out. Did I mention I can hook a steak up now? The key? Marinate, marinate, marinate!!! It is my rule now that every steak I cook MUST marinate for at least 24 hours. I did this once and boy, did it make a difference. Plus, I have learned that there are other positions on the stove other than

I am getting back into the hair stylist arena. Tonight I am cutting my friend Christy's hair. It will be awesome to have shears back in my hands. What is funny is cutting hair is really like riding a bicycle....once you learn, you never forget. Well, back to's almost the weekend! xoxo

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Get Some Business....

I got a new job title and A LOT of work that goes along with it so I am gonna just give you the neat points:

  • This must also be the 2011: Return of the Ex's. THEY KEEP POPPING UP AND BEING THIRSTY!!! You know what is even worse? These are folks that fired ME. Yes. They dumped me and now they are trying to come back...acting thirsty as hell. The Rev, Youngin, Nuneyah(y'all don't know him, but long story short: close your legs to married mens!) and a slew of others...they are invading my facebook inbox and digging my number up from all kinds of places. I am gonna need them to stop. You all gave me the biggest heartaches of my life and now y'all wanna come back and do that ish again? No thanks.
  • I am enjoying being single. No really. I can do what I want when I want...I am the queen of my house, lollerskates.
  • Going to see Salt N' Pepa next week!!!!! Club Seats? Yes please. Did I mention MC Lyte is gonna be there? I am gonna jump off the balcony if she performs "Paper Thin". Yes, it's that serious
  • My sister will be here this weekend. She is not single. So I can venture she will be hanging with her boyfriend the whole time.
  • Not going to CIAA....I will be hating on my timeline and newsfeed all
  • Off work Friday!!!!! I am looking forward to a day of doing nothing....
  • GKL- Gym, Kids, Laundry....that's how I roll now.

Well dearies, it's been fun, my email inbox at work is filling back up which means more work....xoxoxo!

Friday, February 25, 2011


I am gonna keep this short, but I need to get this off my chest. My sister and I are super close....the last time she was here, we talked about The Friend, and how I was too good to have him in my life etc. Then we talk on the phone this weekend and she laughs and co-signs with me about him. She claimed she deleted him from her Facebook. Well, today I go to his page, look to the right and who do I see under mutual friends? Her. It's just facebook, but I am more upset because that right there is not a sign of solidarity. Do you know how many of her ex's (the ones who did eff up stuff) have tried to "friend" me, and I won't? Why? Because that is my sister...I can never be friends with someone who would mistreat her. They can stay friends on Facebook forever for all I care, I can't say I am mad, just disappointed. Rant over.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Open Letter

Dear Mama,

I just wanted to say that I am sorry for my behavior the last four months. I met this guy....and I thought he was like the second coming, but you knew better. You saw right through him and saw exactly what was going to happen. You weren't sleeping with him so you didn't wear the same rose colored glasses I had on. You called it. He's gonna stay here, run up your light bill and move on. Exactly what happened. I would never admit it, but you were right. There has not been a night yet that I haven't laid in my bed and thought, "My mama was right.". But again, since I didn't listen, I am facing some really tough decisions now, and as you would say, "Serves your ass right" lol. I am sorry I called you a "hater" (really? I turned into a 15 year old at that exact moment). You weren't hating. You saw your child headed for danger and you tried to keep her away from it. But instead I ran towards it. I am sorry for not coming to see you and making excuses because I wanted to be around "him" all day. That was a sucker move. But you know what Mama? I have learned this: You are my best friend (sorry Red Velvet and Hollywood...y'all are too but you get what I mean). For every time I am stumbled, you were right there yelling for me to get up. Anytime I wanted to do anything half-assed, it was you pushing me to do it over. You will never know what it meant today when you critiqued my first ever appeal letter and you said it was flawless. Even when I treat you not so nice, you are still there to cheer me on. I just want to say I love you and I promise to start treating you as good as you are to me.


Victoria ;)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

You Better Learn It.....

Le much this weekend, oh so much.

  • Mike Epps was wack. Now run and tell He just wasn't doing it for me, but Cheryl Underwood did. I was surprised because I usually can't deal with her on Steve Harvey, but I got some good advice from her that night: STOP FUCKING THESE MEN IN YOUR HOUSE!!! They will either never leave (giggles) or they will always be showing up. So with that, there will be no more visitors to the legion of doom
  • I got CHOCOLATE WASTED at that plus a private bar? No bueno. I believe my night was sponsored by Patron and Heineken.
  • I met the kind of guy my sister was talking about. Financial Manager. Graduated from VCU. Kappa. Job? Check. Car? Check. College Degree? Yes times two (Undergrad and Masters). House? Check. Of course I am going to have to investigate the status of all these things (is the house in foreclosure or in his Mama's name, is the car really his, and I'm gonna need to see those degrees with transcripts). My sister said the only negative in him is he is a Kappa. Supposedly they can make more than them canes twirl around and they will leave you doing the most epic wall slide of your life....I don't care....he's taking me on date on Friday (McCormick and Schmicks....hello!) and hopefully this goes nicely. I am looking forward to conversation that DOES NOT center around the following: Facebook, Gucci Mane, Jordans, and a plethora of other ignorant mess.
  • Mad Men is this shit. No, really. I have already bought season two off Amazon and when I get paid I am buying season 3. When both of these arrive I will be holed up on my couch and not to be disturbed until I am finished watching. Whoever the writers are for that show, have gotten it right.....
  • CIAA next weekend....still debating if I am going. I have my room booked so I have a place to stay if I decide to. TallDrinkofWater is going with me and he has all the hook up on the parties (I checked him out he's official...he's been to a number of parties around here that are invite only and I mean REALLY invite only). There are really too many to name, but he said that we are going to Pusha T's day party, and some other NFL day party. As far as night parties go, it's either the one that Drake or Amber Rose is hosting. You know which one I wanna go to. Amber Rose. When I give up on shall be her that becomes my

Well I have a ton of work to do and I wanted to let y'all know I'm alright. SN: If I ever went missing I know that Red Velvet and Hollywood would be the first people to call the them!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

This What You Really Wanted, Huh???

Today was definitely a roller coaster. For starters, I worried all night long about the loss of my daycare assistance and it turned out I had nothing to worry about. I just have to go to a recertification appointment, fill out some paperwork and I am on my way. Prior to getting that little bit of info that I might have to pay full price for daycare (Chunk's is 221 a week Beasley's is 156....yeah a mortgage payment), I was all strung out over my breakup with The Friend ( who I received word via another female on FB that he is a chronic d-bag among the other things she told me...apparently he was living with her before he picked up in the same fashion and moved in with me)but let me tell you, when the daycare director handed me that letter The Friend was the last thing on my mind. So, today after that crisis was adverted, what do I turn my attentions to? My broken heart. Like a dumb ass, I text the friend some random thing and he got bent out of shape and texted back, and then I called him. This is where shit went left. To sum up the conversation he informed me he never wanted to talk to me again and he also let me know that he was never with me nor was he ever going to be with me. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I couldn't say anything. I was just left speechless. Then after the longest awkwardest pause in history he asked me if I was going to add him to my cell phone plan. Enter a very confused look here. But what is worst is I agreed because he told me I need to learn how to keep my word (a few months back I promised him I would get him a phone to replace the one I took back from him when we first met--long story). Jesus be some self esteem and a backbone. After I hung up with him, I began to think why do I do this to myself. I gotta accept personal responsibility for this one. People can only treat you how you let them treat you. This behavior is a horrible unhealthy pattern that I carry from relationship to relationship. For example, for my previous blog readers, I did this same thing with Ronnie Mexico. He would go on and on about why we couldn't "be together" and what did I do? Buy him stuff in hopes that he would see how much I cared. I did the same thing for the youngin that I was canoodling with this summer. You know what happened at the end of both of those fiascos? I realized that I could have given these men a million dollars and I still wouldn't have been good enough. I deserve better. I deserve someone who likes me and wants me without having to buy their acceptance and love. This isn't about keeping my word this is about trying to get The Friend to pick me, love me, but that is not going to happen. The sooner I realize that, the better I will be. This has been a learning experience and what I learned is to listen to my Mama (she called this happening months ago) and to know my worth. For years I have involved myself with these "men" and I did so not knowing my worth, so I let them tell me what it was. So, new point on the Pursuit of Happiness 2011, is to discover my worth and stand firm in my convictions. It may not be popular, and it may mean I will have a hard time dating, but at least when I do find someone (or he finds me) I will have the courage to say no when it is needed. The appeal of The Friend was he is popular and as a person who grew up extremely unpopular, being with him made me feel like I had finally made it to being one of the "cool kids". The problem with that is I am not in high school anymore and being one of the "cool kids" should be my last concern. Plus, we all know what happened to a majority of the "cool kids"....just browse your FB list and come back to that one. I don't know where to start, but I know that the change starts with me, and I need to close that chapter and move on. The hard part is just finding the strength to do so.