Since I was 17 years old, I have always worked in some kind of office environment. Fifteen years later, I am still working in an office, this time at a hospital and no matter where I go, the same kinds of people work in the office.
The Mole/Tattletale: This person’s responsibility is to make sure management knows everything everyone is doing. It doesn’t have to violate company policy. The Mole is there to make sure all facets of your life are exposed to your boss. Nothing is sacred with this person. Your funny story about your family vacation? Before you have said, “The End,” the mole has not only given your boss the detail, for bonus points they make sure you didn’t take “unauthorized leave” for the aforementioned vacation. To find this person in the office, do what celebrities do. Plant a fictional story, and if you hear about it then you have found your mole.
The Chronic Party Planner: Don’t get me wrong, I love office potlucks as much as the next person, but sometimes it gets to be a little excessive. Potluck for Christmas, I can get behind, but a potluck for Groundhog Day? No. The party planner spends their time thinking of the next new party and then spending every day forward badgering everyone in the department about what they are bringing to the party. Some good advice: Don’t tell them you are bringing cups or dessert unless you want to be yelled at about that being a “lazy choice.” Also, they will make sure to send out passive-aggressive reminders that “if you don’t bring anything, you won’t be eating.”
The Nosey Posey: This person is usually also The Mole. They must know EVERYTHING! We all have an element of nosey to us, but this person will take it too far. They listen to all of your phone conversations (if this person is The Mole, a non work related conversation will be transcribed and reported to your boss) and want to know a lot about your life outside of work on a really uncomfortable level. In a hospital setting this gets taken to a new level. In a medical setting the Nosey Posey may even look you up the computer. HIPPA be damned, they NEED to know why you were absent from work for! I remember when a fellow co-worker went into labor and another co-worker spent all day tracking this poor woman’s dilation via her medical record.
The Overachiever: I know this one well because this person is me. The OA is at ALL the meetings and ALL the seminars. Matter of fact, OA’s LOVE meetings because that is their time to let everyone know how out of the loop they are. This person has four different job titles and can be found holding a notepad, pen, and a cup of Starbucks at all times.
Miss/Mr. Fake it Till You Make It: This individual can usually be found in management. They can be found flailing about asking their staff how to do their job. I had a director that called a meeting once to find out what it was we all exactly did in our department.