Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Children Are Our Future

Raising children is serious business. You are shaping a young person to hopefully becoming a productive member of society. The pressure to make sure they succeed is so great that it can almost be overwhelming. This is one time in my life, I can't half step, I can't quit I have to keep pushing....I just don't want them to become....me.

I spent the majority of my elementary and middle school years being bullied and teased. My daughter is the same age I was when the teasing started with me and I am terrified. The thought of someone damaging my daughters self esteem causes me so much anxiety I can't even sleep. I toss and turn wondering if I instilled enough confidence in her. I feel guilty because instead of taking that job seriously I played around, got married to a dbag, put her on the back burner to save a ship that was already sinking and now she is in a pivotal time in her development and I feel like I didn't give her the right tools to deal with bullies and hurtful people. I guess it is because I never got those tools so I don't know what to tell her. I hate myself for all the times I spent partying when I could have spent time doing things with her to help build her self esteem. For all the times I ditched her so I could hang with my "man du jour" I feel sick. I messed up. I don't know how to fix this. 4 years ago I did not take the responsibility of motherhood and now I am paying for it. I just pray that I can take my daughter through these years and help her remember that she is loved and she doesn't need to find acceptance in any one because I accept her and I love her.

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