I finally decided to re-enter the world of blogging after a two year hiatus. Why? Spewing out my thoughts and feelings on facebook and twitter were just not enough and it just wasn't the right place. But this ish right here? Is my life uncensored. It is me, naked and unashamed. It's where I am going to give the real deal. I have lately had to censor myself on facebook because it seems like every status update I post sends my phone and email blowing up. Sometimes a status update is just that--a status update.
That being said, I am at one of the most pivotal crossroads of my life. Yes Ladies and Gents, I am turning 30. Growing up, I would always regard 30 as being the beginning of the end. But for some reason now that I am actually in the moment, I am sooooo happy to be turning 30. My twenties were basically two babies, two fucked the fucked up relationships (there were other ones in between these two but for some reason I always choose the worst possible humans ever to procreate with) a nervous breakdown, and addiction to Mary and a partridge in a pear tree. I hope turning 30 brings something else than a lot of drama and high school behavior. Hell, I will be in GROWN woman territory.
The thing troubling me the most is my marriage. Let me just make this statement about my marriage. Don't ever do something permanent to fix something temporary. When I married my husband it was because I was heartbroken over someone else, and I felt that no one else would ever love me, so let me just marry this man who seems to like me. WRONG ANSWER! I wish I would have known then that my heart would heal and I was a bad mamajamma and there were plenty of men that would have me. So now I am stuck with a verbally abusive (I am a hoezilla according to him...lollerskates) man who has a shoddy work record and has not accomplished a damn thing in 40 years. So my dilemma is: stay and try to work it out, or leave? I feel like if I stay my 30's are going to be my 20's all over again. No kind of peace.