Monday, August 29, 2011

Five Steps

I looked at my calender this evening and realized that I have a whopping five more weeks until I can file for divorce. I never thought this day would come. As "fun" as it was being married to El Douchebag, I have to say I am happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. Don't get me wrong we had some good times together and the best thing to come from our marriage was our son. The truth of the matter is E.D. ( I can't keep typing that) liked the idea of being married, but he didn't know what it took to be a husband. He hadn't mastered providing and protecting his family. If I had a dime for every time he left us flapping in the wind I would be a millionaire right now. I am not without fault, I should have known better. I married E.D. because I was feeling so much heartbreak from being jilted at the alter by The Good Reverend Doctor. I wish I knew then that my heart would heal and I would get past that. But I didn't. I settled for the first thing that winked at me because after suffering that type of public humiliation I wanted people to see that I was still worth marrying. Long story short, it blew up in my face.

What I am focused on now is rebuilding my life. The first step is learning how to date. I will admit I don't know how. I meet a man, like him, and start picturing forever. That is no way to live. That leads to settling. Does anyone have any advice? I am completely lost at that subject. The second step is getting to where I need to be in life. For the last 10 years I have had a bunch of dreams, but now it is time to turn these into goals. My first goal is to rid myself of any manner of public assistance I am on by the time I am 31 (November). I have already chunked the deuces to SNAP and I am kicking Child care assistance out the door too. I have been doing this for over a year and it is time I learned to stand on my own to. My fight is gone. There was a time when I would grind hard to get what I want but it seems like I have just laid down and took a break. Second order of business is to find a CAREER. I have had a string of jobs but I want a career. I am not getting any older and I don't want to be working while I am in my 70's because I never had a stable job that allowed me to save for retirement. I am just tired of the way that I am living and I left E.D. so I could pursue my life free of the drama that he brought and it's time for my pity party to cease and I need to get on with living my best life!

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