Saturday, March 24, 2012

Drive Slow Homie

I got a chance to reconnect with one of my old friends today and we talked about her broken relationship and my progressing relationship ( put a pin in mine, we are gonna come back to that later). It's sad how heartbreak changes us. I have seen confident people turned into emotionally crippled shells of their former selves over love gone wrong. It's kind of like being cut, the wound may heal but the scar still remains. I encouraged my homie to fight the good fight, but I could look in her eyes and saw something had changed. Another brick had been added to her emotional wall. The emotional wall is what we use to keep us from getting hurt. My wall is built from bricks containing the painful lessons I have learned about heartbreak. One of my latest bricks is not doing too much. I won't lie, when I think about J, I think of him in my future, and I am starting to realize I am moving to fast and putting too much pressure on something so new. It's been a LONG time where I have experienced reciprocity from a man I just don't know how to feel. I am ecstatic, hopeful, and happy, but I am also very afraid. What if this doesn't work out? What if the flaws of Victoria Page are too much for him? What if his flaws are too much for me? I value that we have honesty and that counts for a lot these days. The point is, I don't want this feeling to leave and I am tired of letting my wall down only to have to build it back up. The only thing that calms me is I KNOW who holds tomorrow and what is for me, is for me. So for the time being I am going to enjoy the ride and pray for the best.

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