Monday, July 16, 2012

Faux Pas

A few things I want to get off my chest, and its going to be short because my economic homework is calling my name.

Today J and In had a housekeeping conversation regarding our relationship. He told me some things he didn't like that I do and I did the same. It was informative because I learned the things that he does that send me wallsliding aren't intentional, it's just apart of who he is. I can respect that. So basically its no need to take it personal.

I spoke with J's mom today and we shared our love of jazz music and I invited her to a Nina Simone tribute at Bohemian Caverns. When I told J he didn't seem too excited. It think it had a lot to do with me ( the perpetually lost person) and her being out there by ourselves. No need to worry now because I got the dates wrong and the show is in August, so crisis adverted. However, it was nice to talk to someone else who shares my appreciation for jazz. I like his mom she's easy to talk to.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with J and where it's headed. I like J to the moon and I can honestly see a future with him. But to do that I am going to have to unlearn some defense mechanisms that are runing my chance at happiness. First and foremost I need to get control of my emotions. I have made some of the WORST decisions in my life based off emotions.  The next goal is to trust. I have spent the last 4 years living in mistrust. Mistrust of my friends, family, and boyfriends. I have always felt that if I trusted no one then I could keep myself from being hurt. This has backfired. Not trusting has turned me into a parnoid control freak. So the goal is to work on being a better me in the inside!

1 comment:

  1. Good stuff! At least you're willing to admit things your short comings. Most of us are in denial...always blaming someone else. I'm going on 11 years married and one thing I will say is communication is key. Being able to communicate your feelings in a tactful manner. Learning to accept a person for who they are. We all could improve upon ourselves, but a person personality is set and nothing you can do can change that. I know there are things about me that are ingrained and same for hubby. As long as you're striving to be better and do better your relationship will continue to evolve! Thanks for sharing! :)