A few things I want to get off my chest, and its going to be short because my economic homework is calling my name.
Today J and In had a housekeeping conversation regarding our relationship. He told me some things he didn't like that I do and I did the same. It was informative because I learned the things that he does that send me wallsliding aren't intentional, it's just apart of who he is. I can respect that. So basically its no need to take it personal.
I spoke with J's mom today and we shared our love of jazz music and I invited her to a Nina Simone tribute at Bohemian Caverns. When I told J he didn't seem too excited. It think it had a lot to do with me ( the perpetually lost person) and her being out there by ourselves. No need to worry now because I got the dates wrong and the show is in August, so crisis adverted. However, it was nice to talk to someone else who shares my appreciation for jazz. I like his mom she's easy to talk to.
Recently I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with J and where it's headed. I like J to the moon and I can honestly see a future with him. But to do that I am going to have to unlearn some defense mechanisms that are runing my chance at happiness. First and foremost I need to get control of my emotions. I have made some of the WORST decisions in my life based off emotions. The next goal is to trust. I have spent the last 4 years living in mistrust. Mistrust of my friends, family, and boyfriends. I have always felt that if I trusted no one then I could keep myself from being hurt. This has backfired. Not trusting has turned me into a parnoid control freak. So the goal is to work on being a better me in the inside!