Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Mama's Gonna Work It Out

Every so often, something will happen that causes me to pause and take inventory of my life. Lately my biggest task is tackling my insecurities. I wish I saw myself as other people did. I get tired of beating myself up and I am longing for the day that I TRULY love myself. I emphasize "truly" because I have become a master of giving off the illusion of high self esteem. Sure, there are days when I am firing on all cylinders, but there are more days where I wish I was someone else. When I was home, I ran into my sons old babysitter and she was raving about how pretty I looked. You think I took that compliment? No. I stood there and thought about how, yeah I'm pretty, but not PRETTY, if that makes sense. J is always joking that I have a legion of thirst. Where? Who? I my mind ain't nobody checking for me. I don't want to feel that way anymore. I want to fall in love with me and MEAN IT! The caveat is where do I start? The first place is to spend more time ALONE. Yes, you heard that right. Miss Page needs to roll dolo from state to state! If I need some alone time to see the good in me. Second is to continue my walk with God. It has been a rough one because I am a chronic backslider, but simply put God doesn't make any trash and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There is also a ministry at church dealing with empowerment and I think it would serve me well to participate. Therapy is nice, but sitting on the couch is not enough, there must be some action. I will keep you all posted on my progress.

No comments:

Post a Comment