Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Lost in the World....

I wish there was a reset button that you could press and just start your day over. Remember all those happy little bullet points that I posted that were going to make my evening better than my day? Cross every last one of them off. No spaghetti, no Miss Beasley, no ambien, just nothing. When I got home all I could think of is what a fuck up my life has been. You know what the worst part is? My children can tell. Miss Beasley doesn't even want to come back home and I don't blame her. There isn't anything to come home to. If you were given the choice of living life without having to be in "survival mode" for 90% of the time wouldn't you take it? Who the hell wants to come home to a mama in a fustrated mood over her lack of funds? I don't blame her. Runaway Miss Beasley as fast as you can. Poor Chunky has no to run to. I feel the worst for him. He was dealt a raw hand in life. A depressed mama and a lazy daddy. My sister was right. He needs an advocate.

The deal is this y'all. I am tired. I am tired of fighting every. single. day. I am waiting for that time in my life where I get to coast. I am tired of looking at the happy from the outside looking in. I have spent the last 20 years of my life doing that. I pray 2011 is better because if not, in the words of Radric Davis....I might don't make it...

Update: We can cross one of those things off the list :) God is good :)

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