Honest Mistake

I wasn't going to blog about Whitney Houston's death, but after seeing some ignorant mess on my FB news feed I felt I had to. We all have something that we are struggling with. What we knew about Nippy is she struggled with drug addiction. I am almost certain that the drug addiction was a result of something that we all couldn't see that she struggled with. There are numerous things I struggle with on a day to day basis. There are memories I wish I didn't have, sights burned in my psyche forever. There was a time too, when I turned to outside things to help numb the pain from those memories. What is fortunate in my case is I have a strong support system that didn't judge me when I took time to lay on a strangers couch to work through my issues. Did it fix everything? No, but it gave me to tools to cope when those memories showed up to haunt me. They said she died from too much xanax. I don't believe she intended for that to happen. When you conquer those horrible memories, there is always a fear that they will come back. I can't tell you how many times I have been scared that I would go back emotionally to that day in March 2008. The mere thought of it sometimes causes me anxiety so great I have to grab an Ativan(anti anxiety medication). There have been even more times where yes, I'll take two because I want that memory gone. My point is Nippy was probably feeling the same. You are at the grammys, you've been written off as a crackhead, there's stories in the paper about you etc. She was headed to a party probably feeling anxiety and took one too many. It happens. Tragically, it happened to her. I am sad that she's gone, but I know what it is like to live in emotional turmoil, and I am glad that she is in place where bad memories cannot stay. RIP Miss Houston........may you study war no more.

Hit Dogs Holler

The dating world is no crystal stair......so much has happened in the last week! They are just dropping like flies around here. Remember Georgia? Yeah, that's over. Grand Opening, Grand Closing. A few weeks ago, Georgia came over and we were making jokes about who had "boos" on facebook. Well, out of the blue he says, "I don't even KNOW 'blah-blah' she added me as a friend and she is always commenting on my statuses but I have no idea who she is." You know what bothers me? I never even brought up her name. I was speaking in generalities but he was speaking specifics. I brushed it off and I didn't think anything of it until I got a very disturbing inbox message from a girl claiming to be in a relationship with him (second one this month) and she was able to describe details of my life that only he would know. I was livid. He is a mild mannered person so I didn't want to end up saying some crazy shit so I turned my phone off for the night, sat around and decided I would ask him about it the next day. Well the next day comes and when I ask him about it he says he has no idea who wrote that, and he would never tell anyone my business. What I didn't hear him say is he is not in a relationship with someone. Put a pin in that. So as the days go by I start to notice he doesn't text as much, I get a good morning text and that is about it. When we first met we would text each other all the time and he would text me to say good night and it was like after the first inbox fiasco it just stopped. Am I being paranoid? Is there any merit to this? I just don't know what to think. He said he's a good guy, but anyone who knows me knows that I have a history of picking out "good guys" who end up being wolves in sheep's clothing. What I don't want is to resolve to believe him and then end up looking dumb as hell when I go on FB and see that he is "in a relationship with 'blah-blah'" and 52 people like it. That really has happened to me if you cared to know. After sending a series of thirst text and messages I am done. I keep telling myself that ultimately he will end up ringing my doorbell at 1 am and I won't care. I just need that time to hurry up and get here.

Being Interested vs. Being Dehydrated

Well, I decided to give my number to a gentleman I met and.....whomp, whomp, whomp. I just can't y'all. He seemed ok at first, we conversed a little bit via facebook and he gave me his number. I was not going to call or text, but this morning I said, "What the hell. Just text him and see what's up". This ladies and gentlemen is where shit went left. The conversation was going well until he did the ULTIMATE no-no in my book. He asked me a question that I ABSOLUTELY hate. He asked me to "send him a pic". When I read that I wanted to throw my phone in the trash and runaway like Kanye did in the beginning of his short film. If you are already my friend on facebook, why in the hayle do you need a picture of me in your phone? I may be wrong, but 99% of mobile phones have access to the Internet. If you want to look at a picture of me go on your mobile facebook. I have about 50-11 pictures of me there. Pictures of me pregnant, not pregnant, long hair, short hair, curly hair, work clothes, club clothes, it's all there. Furthermore, most of these phones sync your FB contacts so if you want to see my face when the phone rings, it's there.

This thirsty behavior must stop. Today. Being thirsty and being interested are two different things. When I am interested in someone, I am going to have meaningful conversation and take my time to find out if this person fits my criteria. The last thing I want is a "angling" photo sent to me. I am not going to send text proclaiming I "miss" someone I didn't even know a week ago. That shit is plain weird. So needless to say this gentleman is not going to make the cut, his facebook deletion and android blacklisting are happening tonight.

I'll Take You There....

It's been a minute since I blogged about my dating life, but let's get to it:

You're Married. Thanks For the Memo

A while back I met this man via Facebook (gotta stop doing that) and he seemed really cool at the time. We would talk about the goodness of God, our goals and ambitions, and he was really digging me. Over time he became more aggressive about "being with me". This sent up red flags everywhere. I am a firm believer that people who are pushy about locking you down usually have some issues, and they want to hook you before you can figure out what it is. I finally broke down and let this man into my life a little and after spending more time together I decided that he really wasn't the one for me. So in my mind I just let it die out and I kept my communication with him to a dull minimum. Fast forward to last Saturday I get a message from him on FB responding to a message I sent eons ago telling me that we couldn't have a future because he's a married man. Yes. Married. Get there. So my response was, "OK, why didn't you say something before?" He said he just didn't but he is doing right and he can't deal with me anymore. OK, cool. Why am I not fazed? He and I have not spoken in almost two months and it's been even longer since I have seen him. What the fuck brought all that on? I promptly deleted him because clearly he is delusional and he's a liar. I hope he doesn't think I was sitting around waiting for him because I clearly have moved on.

Georgia on my Mind

I told you all a little bit about Georgia. We have been seeing each other for the last 3 months and I have to say, I really enjoy his company. When we are together everything is really low key and easy. We cuddle, watch movies, crack jokes and have a great time together. He is definately first round draft pick material. We shall see though.....

Broken Friendships

I have two best friends. One in Georgia and one here. Relations with my friend here are strained at best. I don't know what went wrong but we have somehow become strangers. It hurts sometimes but I am old enough to know that sometimes that is the circle of life. Nothing last forever. People change, their priorities change and sometimes friendships get lost in that.

Weight Loss

I saw myself naked in the mirror today. No Bueno. I hit the gym every now and again, but I am realizing that in order to really get toned and healthy, I am going to need to devote three days a week and I have to do serious cardio. I am vain and I hate sweating, but I want to look good in my clothes. I want to feel confident about my body and right now I don't.

Randoms

My eyelash fetish is out of control. Yes, I have turned into that woman that doesn't leave the house without them. They just really add something to my face. I have become a master at putting them on. Hell, I am able to do it with Chunky milling about crying over me not reading "Good Night Moon".

Career

That OSHA certification came in handy. The house next to me is being renovated and I made a comment today regarding the removal of the the fiberglass insulation. The foreman asked where I got all this information from and I told him I used to work in safety and we are now in talks for me to do safety checks on some of his upcoming jobs. That will be some money in the bank.

I can't say life is completely great right now, but I just keep in my head that everyday will get better and all that is happening is part of a bigger plan. Stay tuned.....

Call Before You Come....

Last night around 3 am I was awaken by what I believe was my doorbell. I waited another couple of minutes and there is was again....the doorbell, followed by a knock on the door. I got nervous as hell and went to the closet for my "equilizer" and went to my bedroom door and waited about 5 minutes. The bell ringing stopped and then I went on to bed. I will give you one guess who it was: The Friend. I never knew he would take it this far *Dwele voice* What makes me mad is that this man borrowed money from me and NOT ONCE did he say when he was gonna pay me back. In all of the exchange about seeing me he just glossed over the fact that we had that on the table. What really caused me to come unglued was he asked me what was I upset about when he left. Seriously? Seriously? I hate when people hurt you and then they try to act like it's all good because time has gone by. Now I know how my sister used to feel when I would borrow money from her and had not paid a dime but wanted to call her and chat....you just feel like you don't matter.

Today I took my little angels to see Cars 2! Note to self: 19 month olds aren't build for that movie theater life. When went in during the preview and my entire view experience of the Pixar short was me chasing my son down the aisle while he hollered "Wee!" and "Noooo". By the time the movie started he was sleep. Thank God his admission was free because if not he was gonna stay away to watch the whole thing. But, watching the movie I decided it's time for me to plan and stick to something for myself. All of my life I have wanted to see Europe. France and Spain in particular. When I got home I began searching Apple Tours for pricing on Europe vacations. What I am getting at is I want to start living my life and not just existing. Part of this revolution is me expanding my job search beyond Virginia. That is a big deal for me because with the exception on my year in Charleston, Virginia is all I know. I have always been afraid that something would happen to me away from my parents and I wouldn't know how to make it. If we look at the fact of my life, things are happening to me here and I am no worse for the wear. It is time for me to spread my wings. You only get one shot at life, and when these eyes close I want to know I lived it to the fullest. xoxoxo

They Pull Me Right Back.....

Sheesh.....that about sums it up right now. I had an awesome weekend, and part of that weekend was a cookout at one of my friend's house. Being a little older I decided not to show up empty handed (in my 20's I would just show up ready to drink and eat till I popped). I made tequila sunrise jello shots and deviled eggs. Now, before I go any further please remember I get out probably once every three months and hardly anywhere where there is free liquor. When I got to the cook out, I started out with a corona(trying to keep it cute) and then I followed that with a delicious pomagrante concoction. I would later discover that that wonderful beverage was mixed with Everclear (yeah I know). So after I drank that I decided to take a Jello shot and sip on Henny and coke....this is where shit went allllllll the way to the left. You know how when you are drunk the music seems to loud and the environment just seems to spin? Yeah I was there. So I decided to sit down out of the way and that didn't help. I moved outside to the porch and all the talking was causing me to be even dizzier....so I sat down on the steps to compose myself and since it was sprinkling I decided to take this mess to my car. Long story short, I ended up throwing up by my car and then blacking out for about three hours (felt like 30 minutes) and then my friend came to the car and helped me upstairs to wash my face so I could sober up (uh no water touched my face because I had on my lashes lol). The lesson here is not to mix my liquor and my ass is not 25 anymore.

In other news....The Friend contacted me. Yes, lets all take this moment to pause and pray. As much as I used to get my life from him, I don't want to EVER feel that kind of hurt again. It's that hurt that has left me unable to trust anyone. I know how I am and I just need the strength to just say, "No....that shit was not OK and I can't let you hurt me again." Sigh....I think I need to scroll through my previous post and I'll catch the hint....xoxoxo!

Disappointed....

I am gonna keep this short, but I need to get this off my chest. My sister and I are super close....the last time she was here, we talked about The Friend, and how I was too good to have him in my life etc. Then we talk on the phone this weekend and she laughs and co-signs with me about him. She claimed she deleted him from her Facebook. Well, today I go to his page, look to the right and who do I see under mutual friends? Her. It's just facebook, but I am more upset because that right there is not a sign of solidarity. Do you know how many of her ex's (the ones who did eff up stuff) have tried to "friend" me, and I won't? Why? Because that is my sister...I can never be friends with someone who would mistreat her. They can stay friends on Facebook forever for all I care, I can't say I am mad, just disappointed. Rant over.

This What You Really Wanted, Huh???

Today was definitely a roller coaster. For starters, I worried all night long about the loss of my daycare assistance and it turned out I had nothing to worry about. I just have to go to a recertification appointment, fill out some paperwork and I am on my way. Prior to getting that little bit of info that I might have to pay full price for daycare (Chunk's is 221 a week Beasley's is 156....yeah a mortgage payment), I was all strung out over my breakup with The Friend ( who I received word via another female on FB that he is a chronic d-bag among the other things she told me...apparently he was living with her before he picked up in the same fashion and moved in with me)but let me tell you, when the daycare director handed me that letter The Friend was the last thing on my mind. So, today after that crisis was adverted, what do I turn my attentions to? My broken heart. Like a dumb ass, I text the friend some random thing and he got bent out of shape and texted back, and then I called him. This is where shit went left. To sum up the conversation he informed me he never wanted to talk to me again and he also let me know that he was never with me nor was he ever going to be with me. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I couldn't say anything. I was just left speechless. Then after the longest awkwardest pause in history he asked me if I was going to add him to my cell phone plan. Enter a very confused look here. But what is worst is I agreed because he told me I need to learn how to keep my word (a few months back I promised him I would get him a phone to replace the one I took back from him when we first met--long story). Jesus be some self esteem and a backbone. After I hung up with him, I began to think why do I do this to myself. I gotta accept personal responsibility for this one. People can only treat you how you let them treat you. This behavior is a horrible unhealthy pattern that I carry from relationship to relationship. For example, for my previous blog readers, I did this same thing with Ronnie Mexico. He would go on and on about why we couldn't "be together" and what did I do? Buy him stuff in hopes that he would see how much I cared. I did the same thing for the youngin that I was canoodling with this summer. You know what happened at the end of both of those fiascos? I realized that I could have given these men a million dollars and I still wouldn't have been good enough. I deserve better. I deserve someone who likes me and wants me without having to buy their acceptance and love. This isn't about keeping my word this is about trying to get The Friend to pick me, love me, but that is not going to happen. The sooner I realize that, the better I will be. This has been a learning experience and what I learned is to listen to my Mama (she called this happening months ago) and to know my worth. For years I have involved myself with these "men" and I did so not knowing my worth, so I let them tell me what it was. So, new point on the Pursuit of Happiness 2011, is to discover my worth and stand firm in my convictions. It may not be popular, and it may mean I will have a hard time dating, but at least when I do find someone (or he finds me) I will have the courage to say no when it is needed. The appeal of The Friend was he is popular and as a person who grew up extremely unpopular, being with him made me feel like I had finally made it to being one of the "cool kids". The problem with that is I am not in high school anymore and being one of the "cool kids" should be my last concern. Plus, we all know what happened to a majority of the "cool kids"....just browse your FB list and come back to that one. I don't know where to start, but I know that the change starts with me, and I need to close that chapter and move on. The hard part is just finding the strength to do so.

The Facts of Life are All About You......

Well, the votes are in and the numbers were not on my side! I have come to the conclusion that I can't cook. Yeah, I know I can make hot wings, fried chicken, and spaghetti. But anything other than that...no. Tonight The Friend was supposed to cook a dinner of baked pork chops smothered in cream of mushroom, steamed broccoli, and white rice. Well, he was tired or whatever *insert side eye* and I decided to get all "I am woman, hear me roar" and cook it myself. FAIL. For some reason, I have a problem with seasoning my food. Either it is incredibly salty or incredibly bland. Tonight, the food was on the bland side. I seasoned the chops with adobo, seasoning salt, salt, and pepper. It tasted like paper. What in the sam sausage am I doing wrong? xoxoxoxo!

A Change, A Change.....

Happy Saturday Lovies!!!! Today was sheer awesomeness...I made a little money this morning, took Miss Beasley to get her hair done, and I got to hang out with The Mama. The Mama is the mama in the world....she saw that I was not feeling so good about myself (I have not had my brows waxed or nails done in 2 months) and she offered to treat me to getting my nails done and brows waxed. I must say, I feel A LOT better. The motto is true, "Look Good and Feel Better". After we left the nail salon, my tire flattened. The Mama used her Triple A to get my spare tire put on. I am not trippin, because the tires for my new car are a lot cheaper than the tires for the old one.

So, what is Miss Vickie Page up to tonight? I am putting the kids to bed early, getting some laundry knocked out and then "sippy sippy" time...lol. I am getting organized since my move out date is coming up. This week I am going to start breaking out the boxes. I have been scouring websites for ideas on how to make this move as smooth as possible....if anyone knows any let me know! Nite Nite! xoxoxox

Making Lemonade......

This day is starting off really eventful.....Chunky woke up this morning with a 104 fever. He has had an ear infection since Monday and I was under the impression that the antibiotics would make it better. So, today, I am working from home and letting him rest.

I am seriously thinking about deactivating my facebook. It has turned into match.com over there. Does anybody know how to block people who are not your friends from sending you messages? If I get one more, "Hey Ma, I'd like to get to know you" message I am gonna throw my computer into the street and jab myself in the eye with a hot poker. Speaking of facebook hook ups, please tell my mama to stop suggesting men I should add. She came to my house last night to show me the profile of a man that is the son of one of her high school classmates. This man violated all of my rules....lol. He had no shirt on in his profile pic and he was posed on top of a car (probably belongs to someone else.), he had 3,561 friends who are mostly female and he did not have an occupation(he didn't have any occupation listed at all) that warranted him having that many female friends. I can spot this kind of brother a mile away. He has no job, lives on facebook all day just adding females, trying to holler. I told my Mama no thanks, I have enough issues. She countered back that he went to Georgia State. Poor naive Mama.....I could put on Facebook that I graduated from Harvard and it may not be true....nobody is checking that.

In 2011, I have decided that I need to learn how to cook more than spaghetti and fried chicken. I found a cooking blog via Dr. Baby Sister called Divas Can Cook. I am looking forward to turning out some really good food and exposing my children to something new. Last night I made my first ever greek salad. Not bad at all.....my goal is to stop eating out as much as I do, so if I can make my favorites at home then there is no need to go out all the time.

Well, I have a sick baby on my hand, who's Advil has kicked in and he is dumping my purse on the floor......and I wouldn't have it any other way.....xoxoxo!

Lost in the World....

I wish there was a reset button that you could press and just start your day over. Remember all those happy little bullet points that I posted that were going to make my evening better than my day? Cross every last one of them off. No spaghetti, no Miss Beasley, no ambien, just nothing. When I got home all I could think of is what a fuck up my life has been. You know what the worst part is? My children can tell. Miss Beasley doesn't even want to come back home and I don't blame her. There isn't anything to come home to. If you were given the choice of living life without having to be in "survival mode" for 90% of the time wouldn't you take it? Who the hell wants to come home to a mama in a fustrated mood over her lack of funds? I don't blame her. Runaway Miss Beasley as fast as you can. Poor Chunky has no to run to. I feel the worst for him. He was dealt a raw hand in life. A depressed mama and a lazy daddy. My sister was right. He needs an advocate.

The deal is this y'all. I am tired. I am tired of fighting every. single. day. I am waiting for that time in my life where I get to coast. I am tired of looking at the happy from the outside looking in. I have spent the last 20 years of my life doing that. I pray 2011 is better because if not, in the words of Radric Davis....I might don't make it...

Update: We can cross one of those things off the list :) God is good :)

How Did I Get Here?

Well, today started out good enough. I had plans with my $193.00 left in the bank. I was gonna give my rental office 100, I was gonna pay 60 to my son's daycare and the rest was going to my meds(put a pin in that) and maybe a 5 dollar bottle of moscato. Welp, all of that came crashing down because all I really have is 60 dollars...So none of the aforementioned is going to happen. Which means, there will be a late notice on my door, I will be dodging the daycare folk until Friday morning, and I wish I would buy some moscato and my other ish ain't paid. The meds? Can't sacrifice those. Hi I'm Victoria Page, and I suffer from depression. I have Medicaid so I don't have to pay an astronomical co-pay, just a couple of dollars, but the meds stay in the picture. If not....let's just try not to picture that.

So right now the word of the day is: breathe. I have to tell myself that every time I feel that hot frustration rising up in my chest when I realize that I have so much to do and so little resources to do it with. I want to cry but shit, I am all out of tears...plus I am learning that crying never solves anything you just end up wasting energy...

The snow really messed with my money. Seeing that I have not been here full time for 90 days I don't get to use that 6 hours of PTO that I have accrued....I could really use that right now because I didn't get paid for Monday and I won't be getting paid for Friday, which means that I will real short in my check. *wall slide* The problem with making more money, is when you are hourly, and you miss a day you take a bigger hit. When I was making 9 dollars an hour missing a day (72 dollars) didn't really kill me, but now? If I miss a day I take a 125 dollar loss in my paycheck....no good.

Well, I have whined all I can....I have some good things that I can reflect on at this time:

• My babies!!!! They will both be home tonight so I am making Miss Beasley's favorite--spaghetti! I look forward to laughing with them :)
• Ambien will allow me to fall asleep peacefully...so no 2:30 am episodes of Robot Chicken for me!
• I have been through worst. Living without lights? Check. Car Repo'd Twice? Check. Verbally Abusive husband? Check. Jilted at the alter? Check. Almost getting evicted? Check. So, me coming up a little short is not going to kill me....just gotta fight to see another day.....xoxoxo!

****For those that want to know....the shortage came from some balance I supposedly owed Enterprise...sheesh....

When All Else Fails....Do Some Hoe Shit....

Can I just express right now that I feel like relationships and love is for suckers? With the exception of my son, people with penises are on my list of people I hate. First off, my ex-husband has had some kind of epiphany that our son is not his. Yeah...take your time with that one. How did he come to this conclusion? He was served with child support papers. What a lame and childish move. But nonetheless, me and Chunky will be down at DSCE cheeks ready for the swabbing. My ex-husband is in the muthafucking way...

Now, remember "The Friend"? Yeah, he's a douchebag. I sure do know how to pick 'em. I am still trying to figure out his purpose in my life because the shit that has been going on lately has me scratching my head. He has moved out of the bedroom and has parked his ass on my couch with his laptop....and that is where he stays. While on the couch, he likes to call out all of my parenting flaws and anything he can find wrong with me. Our "relationship" is like this clip from The Boondocks. He would be the dude around the 1:06 mark. Complete with the borrowing your car line. Then he claims he doesn't live here, but I looked in my closet this morning and I swear on my hood (lollerskates) all his shit was in my closet. I know my ass was running around here talking about being broken hearted, but shit...I want my space back. I want to chill in my living room listening to pandora. I can't because there is SOMEONE ON MY FUCKING COUCH......so with all that being said, I am done with men. No, I am not going to start playing for the other team (though I am thisclose to doing just that) I just don't feel like being bothered. I don't think it is the cards for me to be in a relationship or even be entertaining one for a myriad of reasons.....sheesh..rant over...xoxoxoxo

SN: I never posted about the hoe shit...lol...I am going to dance at Atlantis for Amateur Night....you know there will be a story to tell...

The Return of Crazy Bitch and Snow? I Think.....

Oooooh what a morning it has been!!!! The Good: They are calling for lots of snow, and they canceled school and it was optional whether or not if we wanted to come to work. The Bad: They called for snow and canceled school and I had 4 diapers left in the house and 0 dollars to my name. This caused the Crazy Bitch to show up in all her glory....I just remember being real mad (Joe Jackson), ordering my children to get dressed and taking Chunky to Food Lion with NO shoes on (he had on socks). You know why I was mad? Because I had to do something illegal to get Chunky's diapers. I will not say what, but I think we can all gather. It makes me so frustrated that I am stuck here making these hard ass decisions, like whether or not I want to go to jail and risk my clearance over a 6 dollar pack of diapers, but my ex-husband and daughter's father are out there living life carefree. If I had a gun, I would have probably drove to Hampton and shot my ex-husband in the face on sight. But then again who wins there? You know what the bad part was? The "Friend" was here. Watching all of it. He judged me and told me I don't care about my kids. Well, I guess that is easy to say from behind a laptop perched up on the couch....My point is this: Until you have been a single parent with an uncooperative baby mama/daddy, then you can't make judgments.

Since I will be locked in this house most of the day, I will more than likely work on reviewing Kanye's album, smoking cigarettes, and sleeping when I can. Good day! xoxoxo

Oh Really?

Oh really, day job? Y'all just had a major meeting on Sunday and nobody called me? But in today's meeting I am supposed to get all this major stuff done on short notice? Booooooo.....poor planning on your part will never create an emergency on mine. Ugh.

Have you ever had a text argument with someone and they are responding like they have an audience reading what they are responding, but they aren't showing the other person your responses? For example:

Me: Could you sign the separation agreement so I can get on with my life?

Ex-husband:I don't want you anymore. Put that on your separation agreement

Me: Ummmmm.....I put YOU out....because I didn't want YOU...but um...are you gonna help with your son's Christmas?

Ex-husband: I didn't lay down with your family. I laid down with you.

Me: *making the WTF face*

Really? I think his whole purpose was to evade the child support question. But that's okay. He should really know that I am not a rookie....so, I printed out what I needed and turned that situation over to DSCE. Yup, turned his black ass into the "people". But you know what? I have been in that system for almost 6 years now, and I can tell you, that they work for the good of the father. My daughter's father is 18k behind. When I call and complain, they tell me they will send him a letter. You know what he is gonna do with that letter? Look at it and say, "I don't have it." Sheesh...I wish I could just say that and somebody else took care of my responsibilities. *Kanye Shrug*

Speaking of Mr. West, eventually I am gonna get to his album review, it's just tonight I am not in that kind of mood. SN: On a random note, my neighbors must be buffalo because they move around upstairs like it.

I have a full bottle of moscato in my fridge, but to be honest, after Crazy Bitch showed up, I am scared as hell to drink a glass. I might....but then again I might not.

Tomorrow my baby girl is going to be 7. I cannot believe it has been seven years since she has been born. I remember bringing home this little screaming bundle that gave me a run for my money. She turned into my best friend, and me and her grew up together. She was there for some of my happiest and proudest moments. I remember looking at her when she was a baby and wondering what she would be. Seven years later I would have never guessed she would be a smart little girl who loves to read, draw and has dreams of being a veterinarian and an artist. She has made me so proud and I am so glad I am her mom and she is my daughter.

Well, I have decided to have a small glass of moscato and then turn in.....I'll let you know if Crazy Bitch shows up.....but what I am really looking for is some consummation from "My Friend". He and I have had a good night...it hasn't been tense like it's been the last couple of days....xoxoxoxo