Saturday, January 1, 2011

Breaking Up is Hard to Do..

Well I have been really analyzing what went wrong this time around and I have come up with some ways to keep it from happening again. No blame game just making observations.
  • I need to come up with a standard waiting period of time before a man can meet my kids. I haven't really given that much thought before. The Rev (I am looking for my blog from 06 so I can reference "all the others" lollerskates.....) met Gabby kind of by proxy because, I was in the choir and he was the director. So it was inevitable in that case. It was also gut wrenching to hear after our wedding was cancelled that she missed "Her Rev" So basically, it wasn't like I was the only one who got dumped, Miss Beasley got dumped too. I let Jeff get too close to Gabby too soon and then this time my kids really like My Friend. And He likes them. I think for that side of her that is missing her dad, The Friend steps in and does that. He ask about her school work, he gently corrects her when she has be rude. Just all around good with kids He can make you laugh like to have never laughed before....see all of these traits are the ones I wish I could ball up together and make him a transformer. Sigh....he is moving out in a couple of weeks. Ok, you know Imma be tracking the days......
  • But seriously I am not tracking the days on some ol "I hate this ninja and I cant wait for him to leave....not that at all. It is more like :We should part company, we just don't get along the way we had a special time. I am just preparing myself for that little heartache from realizing that he will be gone. I will make a point to take my meds all the time then so that this doesn't turn into August 08. What is August 08 you say? It was when I wanted to be with my ex-husband who at the time was my boyfriend and I just thought it was the end of the world.....I cried like I was mourning someones death. I had to be hospitalized 2 times for depression. One those times lead to he a time when the Physc doctor in the ER was recommending that I stay impatient. I said no, because I knew that I was going to grow from this and followed up with intense outpatient therapy. I remember feeling alone, and like no one would ever love me again, broken. The moment that sticks out the most is when Red Velvet bought her new home and texted to me. I remember being so drunk laying on the floor looking a text pic of his beautiful home and being happy for her not feeling like me right now, I couldn't even call her because I did not want to rain on her parade, so just kept in. Just so you know, that was turning point in our friendship because she let me know that NO MATTER what she was there to listen.
I have my own set of rules for dealing with this:
  • The first three nights are usually the hardest. That usually when the crying and "oh come back to me baby" talk gets started. DON'T DO IT!!!!! Let the door stay closed and work through it. Keeping intoxication to a bare minimum is helpful too.
  • I am not finding a "replacement". Right now the focus needs to be on me and my children. So for all the loneliness I feel I will turn to my children.
  • Have fun. Yup that simple. I am gonna hit up a happy hour (no liquor) on Tuesday with a friend just to get out of the house for a little bit. Nothing like throwing on a little makeup and getting pretty to keep your spirits up
  • Focusing super hard on my work. I wear three hats at my job and two of those require a lot of my attention. So for now, I am going to let that occupy more of my time.
The dating game is never easy. We sometimes make mistakes along the way. I don't look at anyone I dated as a bad or good experience, just a learning lesson. This time, I learned to trust my gut, pay attention, and go slow. Well, it is time to start my day, my two little people have just woke up! Sn: Chad Ochocinco's Ultimate Catch is question: why? LOL!!!! xoxoxox

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