Monday, February 13, 2012

Honest Mistake

I wasn't going to blog about Whitney Houston's death, but after seeing some ignorant mess on my FB news feed I felt I had to. We all have something that we are struggling with. What we knew about Nippy is she struggled with drug addiction. I am almost certain that the drug addiction was a result of something that we all couldn't see that she struggled with. There are numerous things I struggle with on a day to day basis. There are memories I wish I didn't have, sights burned in my psyche forever. There was a time too, when I turned to outside things to help numb the pain from those memories. What is fortunate in my case is I have a strong support system that didn't judge me when I took time to lay on a strangers couch to work through my issues. Did it fix everything? No, but it gave me to tools to cope when those memories showed up to haunt me. They said she died from too much xanax. I don't believe she intended for that to happen. When you conquer those horrible memories, there is always a fear that they will come back. I can't tell you how many times I have been scared that I would go back emotionally to that day in March 2008. The mere thought of it sometimes causes me anxiety so great I have to grab an Ativan(anti anxiety medication). There have been even more times where yes, I'll take two because I want that memory gone. My point is Nippy was probably feeling the same. You are at the grammys, you've been written off as a crackhead, there's stories in the paper about you etc. She was headed to a party probably feeling anxiety and took one too many. It happens. Tragically, it happened to her. I am sad that she's gone, but I know what it is like to live in emotional turmoil, and I am glad that she is in place where bad memories cannot stay. RIP Miss Houston........may you study war no more.

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