Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Keep On Pushing

Hooray!!!  It is snowing today!  I am excited and nervous at the same time because this is my first snow in the DMV, but I am not a fan of driving in the snow at all.  When it snows I feel like all of the world should be at home under a cozy blanket, watching tv know. 

This morning has been a little emotional rollercoaster for me.  My mom forgot to hang up her phone last night when she tried to call me, and I caught the tail end of my dad saying some not so nice things about me.  For the sake of my sanity, I am not going to go through all that was said, but long story short it wasn't nice and it hurt like hell.  For everyone playing at home, my father and I have a HORRIBLE relationship.  He doesn't like me, and I am not a fan of him either.  When I am around him I get the sense that he feels like I am a huge disappointment.  He isn't very communicative either which makes things even harder.  I can count on one hand how many times we have talked on the phone this year and when is displeased with something I have done, he uses my sister as a mouthpiece.  If he is upset with me, I wish he would talk to ME.  I have had the same phone number for the last 2 years, he knows where I am, I just don't get it.  I want to call him up and bless him out this morning, but I didn't.  I sent him a text and let him know what I heard and I forwarded him the voicemail and that I felt after 32 years of all this passive agressive disdain, I quit.  I don't have the energy for it anymore.  I have spent a lot of years trying to hurt him the way he has me and all it has done has left me damaged and gave him the ammunition to continue.  I am just done.

In better news, I have come to the conclusion that in order to garner more writing gigs, I am going to have to just put myself out there.  I am a little shy at times, but I am learning fast that is not going to help me. Networking will be key and I am going to have to open my mouth (pause, lol) to get what I want.  Tonight I am going to a networking event that will give me a chance to meet some new people and get my business cards out there (yes, Miss Page has arrived...I have  I will let you all know how it goes!

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