Wednesday, June 20, 2012
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When Blogging Wasn't Enough
Despite the high times of last night, I am in a sad place. I have tried blogging myself happy, and tonight I will try to run myself to happiness. My unhappiness seems to come from some self esteem issues I thought I had taken care of. It's back. The little voice telling me I am not skinny enough, I am too dark, I laugh too much, I love too much, that I am flat out not good enough. Today those old feeling crept up on me while I was on my fifth break at work. A little voice said, "If you died today, not two dambs would be given." In my heart of hearts I know that is not true, but on this day, I am feeling like one of those dented cans at the supermarket: no one wants it. I am going to play with my SSRI's tonight and up the dosage a little and see if that helps. If not a friend of mine recommended a therapist that I could go and talk to. I would rather lay on someone's couch for 30 minutes than end up six feet under because I couldn't see my way out of the valley.