Last night was epic!!!! When I got to Busboys and Poets, I was so nervous I almost backed out of going on stage. I signed up and the nice lady told me I would be fourth and gave in instructions on what to do. After listening to the first three poets, my nerves kicked into high gear. Those folks were GOOD! When they called my name, I came up and recited a piece that I penned that day called "Presents." I was a little warbly at first but mid way I found my voice and I remember why I wrote that poem and the emotions I felt when writing it and I finished strong. The audiance gave me a wonderful round of applause that lifted my spirits and I took my seat and enjoyed the rest of the evening. I got a chance to meet some new people who put me on to some of the other open mic's that they have around the District and in MD. I am definately doing this again.
While I was in the parking garage on my lunch break, I heard someone arguing with such passion over a $10.00 loan and someone stealing from them. The voice started to descend the stairs to where I was and I immediately recognized that it was on of the chirren. If you don't know what I am talking about, I'll explain later. First of all I want to say, his face was BEAT to perfection and his hair? LAID. It made me wanna go home and try it again. According to my ear hustling, "Chris" stole from him and has been screwing other people when they were together. Everybody hurts. Hearing that cancelled my plan to be a lesbian if this whole dating men thing doesn't work out. Gay people participate in reindeer games too.
Speaking of dating, J and I talked and he hasn't dumped me, but he did let somethings off his chest regarding my personality that bothered him. He told me I play him too close and he is just not used to a female doing that. I respect his right to his space, and I will give him just that. I know I am always quoting Tee's "Get some business," but this time I am taking it seriously and I am going to detach myself from his nuts and go play. I am living in a place where there is plenty to do, and I am going to get to doing it, even if it means doing it by myself. I am Miss Solo Dolo, so that is not going to be a problem for me.
It is well documented that I struggle with depression and anxiety. In my community it is something that is not talked about because it is popular opinion that my depression(which I have battled with since 16) can be prayed away or I would better if I had a man (HA!). I am a proud supporter of the Siwe Project, whose goal is to shed light on mental illness in the African American community. I have decided to take a chance and I will be participating in their International No Shame day. Over the weekend I will be working on my youtube video, sharing my story from 2008 and what my life is like now. This is important to be, because I want to dispel the myth that "we" don't suffer from mental illness.
Well, I have a ton of work left to do, and then after my "exciting" commute, I will be attending bible study. I really need this mid week rejuvenation in His word, so I am looking forward to it!